OT - Traumatic Night

 So sorry that happened.  You did the right thing.  God wanted him home.

thanks everyone. It has been an incredibly long, difficult day. I haven't slept yet - spent most of the day talking to bosses (it happened at work), vice president. Had to attend 2 grief counseling sessions then talk to the psychologist individually. I had 2 8oz protein shakes so far.... swallowing anything makes me violently ill.
I have a 5k tomorrow and plan to walk it still.....hopefully I can get my head "reset' and move on towards healing.

I sure can't seem to get it started tonight though.

 First of all hugs. Many people would be scared to mess up and hurt the person more and not even do the breathing but you did the best you could. god had a plan and purpose for you to try to help and for your coworker to go home and be with the Lord. I will pray for you to find peace and I am thankful people like you exist. You did a wonderful thing and I hope your feeling stronger soon. Good luck on your 5 k I hope the time gives you some peace and quiet to think.

thanks... I did have a time of wrestling demons on the 5k.  We'll see how it works out

Just wanted to say, so sorry you had to go through that... I can imagine how awful it must be.  YOu're amazing in courageous for doing what you did, but emotionally it takes a toll.

Even if the poor person did pass away, thank you for doing what you did... even if you are paying for it emotionally.

Hope you're feeling better soon.


tori

I'm so sorry... Virtual hug coming your way.  My PTSD, which was already heightened before this week, was seriously triggered when the guy in the ER was holding me down and trying to put the packing with the balloon thing into my sinus cavity (VERY painful) on Tuesday.  Screaming, and total flashback involved... and they had to close the doors to he ER room I was in so as not to upset other patients... and had a security guard standing by.  They gave me some ativan and eventually had to give me some klonopin after I was admitted to get me calm.

I am glad your counselor was able to find some time for you. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself calmed and rebalanced.

Lora

Oh Lora, I'm so sorry... I bet that was horrible.  Add to that the fact that what they were doing was adding such physical pain, I can imagine it was a wretched experience.

Hoping you can re-compartmentalize it soon and get beyond it once again.  I'm certain this is a week you can't wait to put behind you...


tori

I'm afraid if they tried to hold me down they would have had to tase me.... seriously.
 I am sorry you had to go through that, I know it was horrible. Hope things are looking up for you now.

  I have had visual and taste issues since the other night.  Last night I attended the grief counseling that my work provided (at my counselors recommendation as well as management request since I am a supervisor and was in the middle of stuff).  The psych doc said some really off the wall stuff that stirred up my doubts and fears again but I just try to think of the responses my counselor would have had and put him there instead of her.
  (example - I am very VERY uncomfortable with people coming and thanking me. She asked why and I told her it doesn't seem right given the outcome.  She said "well you could at least just be gracious anyway, you can say thank you"). I am a perfectionist and a people pleaser so thinking I have been rude was really getting to me. 
   I had to have an individual session with her after the groups and she asked why I was in counseling (PTSD, depression, dissociative disorders) and then she asked where that came from so I told her. She asked a few  p ointed questions for details and I kind of laughed and said she could write a book about my life. She said "I am a trauma specialist, I hear worse all the time"

 Wow.... not that I needed help having my feelings minimized!!!  


sorry... didn't mean to vent about her. Overall she was really helpful, but just some comments stirred up some of my issues.  

 How incredibly insensitive!  Any trauma counselor worth a damn would know better than to minimize one person's trauma by comparing it to someone else's or comparing it to what she has encountered in other people during her career!  Not all trauma is created equal, to be sure, but the only thing that matters to each person is their own level of trauma.  I sincerely hope she just spoke without thinking (and then recognized her mistake in her head). Sometimes different counselors have different theoretical orientations and backgrounds... I know my approach is different than that of a close colleague... So that may be why some of her stuff sounded off the wall.

Hang in there.  I'm sorry that she made things worse in some ways.  It's great that you were able to know what YOUR counselor's responses would have been and were able to mentally substitute those, though!

Lora