Our kids/the surgery/eating in general

My 10 year old is a gymnast she was taught to eat healthy things in the gym and at home. Her coach hates when parents walk the kids in eating a happy meal so she always asks me to send her with a banana or fruit cup. I thought that this was a thing she liked and loved.

Well last night I went to pick her up and 2 moms said we need to talk to you. One is a nurse who is offering me support about the surgery. Another is supporting me but a mom of 3 girls too and worries about the word diet in little girls vocabulary as I do too! Well a girl had a bday and she had cupcakes and ice cream. My daughter said yum we never have dessert in our house my mom and dad diet and since they are we all are always on a diet. (Funny side not that very day while she was in school I bought her pound cake a light vanilla ice cream like she asked for earlier in the day before school) So they asked her what are you talking about mommy doesn't have ice cream in the house she said no just fruits, granola bars things like that. She only gets desserts on holidays or birthdays.

As I sit and write this I think pat yourself on the back momma your raising a healthy kid but inside I think hmmm she shouldn't think that this is a diet she needs to think of this as a lifestyle. My husbands entire family develops diabetes every single one of them in his or her 30's. I am praying the kids get my genes on that one and don't get diabetes but I will do whatever I can to stop them from being obese, diabetic, and on the other end of the spectrum anorexic.

So we all sat around the computer and went on bariatric foodie and Shelly's egg face blog looking at desserts and foods in general. They all want to try the fluff. That would be a great dessert I said. They are willing to try it. Anyway do you think it is bad not to have junk food in the house? Do you think I should keep some not so healthy treats for the kids? I realize that me and my husband have our own issues with food what are your thoughts? One minute I am like suck it up kids this is house our house eats the next second I feel bad for not having these treats for them as I did growing up but we see where I am sitting on a obesity forum.

B****hey all enjoyed the light ice cream and small slices of pound cake. Once they realized that was as big as I was cutting them they got over it LOL. They even said the light ice cream was delicious.

Thanks

Question. What language do YOU use when talking about eating healthy and what language does your husband use?

And not just the word diet. Do you ever find yourself talking about eating healthfully as a means to an end? (I need to eat better so that I can _____) What do you call those occasional foods like cookies, cake etc.? 

This might be good to reflect and do an audit on some of the subtle ways you convey the choices you make as a family.

But then again it might not even be coming from you. It could be her peers. Or an off color remark from a friend's parent. Or television. You never really know.

I think this is a learning moment. I try to teach my girls that eating healthfully is just what you do. It's like brushing your teeth or taking a bath. It's part of taking care of your body. I've had to be especially careful in how I deliver this message as both my girls are big and I don't want to give them a mind thing about food. I want them to approach healthier eating with a joy of food and the wonderful taste of things that are healthy and natural.

So anyway, my advice? Call a family meeting. Make it informal and tell your daughter you want the family to adopt a healthy lifestyle and ask her opinion on things she thinks the family should do to facilitate that.

Hey...also check into the Presidential Active Lifestyle Award online. Me and the girls are doing it. I'm hoping this encourages them to make healthier decisions in the future. You could propose doing that and there are all sorts of cool things you can order (awards, gear, etc.) to celebrate your achievement.

I will do another "meeting" again with them this weekend. But yes we do healthy activities together. I took my two oldest girls when they were 8 and 11 on a 9 mile run with me when training for my half...they lasted 7 miles the last 2 were done at a track I could only run around our small town so much LOL and they sat and watched. But they do eat pretty healthy but I think you are right. I do word things wrong. I tell them I am dieting to lose weight but don't talk to often about the health aspect of it. That it will keep us alive longer if we eat healthy.

I started them training for our towns 5k I will be 2 weeks out of surgery so I can't run it with them but I think they are ok to run it together. They do tons of work also in sports. The 10 year old trains 20 hours a week for gymnastics and the 12 year old dances for 3-5 hours a week depending on competitions.

I am going to take all your ideas and talk to them and look at myself and talk to my husband about the way we communicate about living a healthy lifestyle.
Thanks

 Well see that's the thing. I am very passionate about this so forgive me if I "soap box."

Don't talk about healthy eating as a means to ANY end. Not even longer life or better health. It's just what you do. My opinion is that you can of course explain to kids that healthy lifestyles lead to better health and longer lives, but don't link it to eating. Firstly, eating alone is not the only factor. You need to drink water, exercise, get good vitamin intake, sleep enough, destress enough, laugh enough, cry enough and a whole host of other things to live a holistically healthy lifestyle.

So divorce food from health outcomes is my advice. Completely. Cut off the relationship. They will start to get that an overall healthy lifestyle leads to an overall healthy self.

(/end soap box)

:) Thanks for letting me preach.

This is something I worried about with my own children too. My daughter remembers me at 280 pounds and she knows I had surgery, so we talk about it all the time. For us, I decided its not bad not to have junk food in the house because I want them to get used to eating healthy foods. I looked to my college room mate for inspiration. This is a woman who never had weight issues, but who chose to munch on baby carrots and romaine lettuce in the dorm lounge, while the rest of us had Ben and Jerry's and Pringles from the convenience store. Not that she never ate junk, but she was very mindful of what and how much she ate. She made the little ice cream containers last 3 days while I could down it in one day.I asked her why she ate like that one day and she said because she liked to. Huh?? She liked to eat healthy food? It always stuck with me. So fast forward to 2009, and I asked her about it again and she told me that in her house her mom stocked up on fruits and veggies, but junk foods were a rare treat. I decided that i wanted to raise my kids to be like Kara.  So anyway, I strive to teach my kids the importance of eating well. I bring in things that they like, such as sugar free jello and pudding or we make our own applesauce and put in fun containers. I know my daughter sees the other kids at school with Oreos and Doritos in their lunch every day, but she doesn't complain, even when I ask if she is bothered by it. Maybe she knows that I won't do it anyway, lol. She is in the running club at school and has run a total of 80 miles this year. Not too shabby for a 7/8 year old. I encourage that, but not in an obsessive way. I want my kids to be active in ways that they like. My son will be more of a challenge I think, but I get outside with them and we ride bikes after dinner or walk to the library once a week. 

My kids like junk as much as the next kid, but I try and let them know that it's a treat and not everyday. I also try and help them realize what a serving size really is. So if we go to subway they share the chips, or eat ice cream in smaller bowls because a half cup is what the serving size is. I don't make it a big deal, just what we do, you know ? I also try and be careful with what I say. I never say I'm on a diet. I tell them that I don't eat ice cream (for instance) because it makes me feel bad (which it does). I think they know I eat the way I do because it's for my health. That's the goal anyway.  The hardest thing for me is not to put myself down. I have a bad habit of calling myself awful names or saying truly appalling things about myself. It's not good for my kids to hear me say things about myself, even if I feel like a beached whale at the pool. 

Anyway this is a really long post to say you're doing a good job. It's hard to know how to raise them to eat healthy, while not feeling deprived.  This is now I'm trying to do it, for what it's worth.  

I have mixed feelings about junk food.  I was raised in a house with almost nothing junk or sugar, no "bad" foods.  No chocolate except for a very, very rare treat,; instead, it was carob balls.  No popcorn at the movies, it was air popped with nothing on it.  I craved it all the time but almost never got it.  So, when I was a teenager and could buy food on my own, I ate anything "bad" I could find.  This has continued through my adult years.  Is this my mother's fault?  Of course not!  I am an adult and very capable of making my own decisions.  I still have plenty of junk food in the house; that is reality!  My kids like it and they eat a well balanced diet, so they should be able to have it.  When I give my kids dinner with a slice of pizza, a salad, some broccoli, and a few chips, both eat the veggies first.  They love them!  I have had to learn to like them over the years but they really love them and want to eat the healthy food first. 

I think I will continue to have junk food in the house because my kids need to learn how to make good choices.  Sure, they can have chips or cookies, but what would you like first, an apple or a banana, carrots or cucumber slices?  They never argue or complain, they are happy to eat the healthy food that provides them good things to grow...then they get the junk. 

I have also learned that no food is bad.  My nut taught me that little nugget.  Any food can be enjoyed in moderation and you are not a bad person for eating it.  My issues have always been about moderation.  I've never been god with it; all or nothing...usually all.  I am working on that very hard.  I am still having slips with other areas (instead of buying 1 or 2 kinds of tomato seeds to grow, I have now have 12.)  So, it is a daily challenge.

Bottom line, I want my kids to make the right choice but they are not able to do that without all the options available to them.  So I will continue to buy things I can't eat and not push my food issues off on them.

 I sort of disagree a little with that last sentiment. Junk is available everywhere. I don't think it HAS to be available in your home for your kids to get that there are choices. Believe me, kids are plied with junk from all different angles.

I hear you, and agree on adopting a healthy lifestyle at home.  However, as a gymnastics parent too -- and my kids spend a total of 6 hours a week in the gym in addition to normal outdoor play and school classes..... is there a chance that your daughter NEEDS the calories.  For example - my son (who will be 9 in July) is now a "hefty" 54lbs on a good day.  I will not begrudge him a cookie.  My oldest son is very very thin too.  Not that I encourage junk, but they aren't me. 

My oldest dd, has weight issues and had a DS.... so I understand having an overweight child, but I've had underweight ones too.... we can't treat them all equal. 

 my son is very small (now he is only 3, but he is in like the 10th percentile).   He eats a TON, but i make a huge effort to make sure it's healthier stuff.  For me it's less about weight and more about the health.  you can be skinny as a rail and be unhealthy.  cookies aren't going to nourish the body.

Now I might be more hyper sensitive with him because he has had some health issues related to sugar (a weekend long blood sugar issue that landed him in the hospital after a seizure).  I would stake my life on it being dumping or reactive hypoglycmia - as he did have stomach surgery when he was younger.  but anyway - i ramble lol.  my philosophy is that the healthy whole foods is what is going to make the healthiest kid.  Yes he gets treats, but they are special occasions.

which i don't feel bad about - because special occasions in schools happens 5 or 6 times a month at the least.

I had close cousins who were only allowed treats on Saturday and we made a big deal and went the candy store faithfully on Saturday. My husband said no to that. I keep in our house for treats Sugar Free Jello, SF Popsicles, Fiber 1 bars and brownies, nature valley granola bars asst flavors, Quaker choch pb granola bars, fruit all kinds, baby carrots and kellogs chips/cracker things. They have asked for Goldfish/Cheese Its lately so I get them a box of those sometimes.
I think the word diet needs to be cut out of my vocabulary and just eat and lead by example.
I am not comfortable having candy and more junk food in addition to what I have above in our house. My husband has no control and I am worried about his diabetes. I obviously have none or I wouldn't be here today, and I don't want my kids to think they need to have it in the house. I guess that would have been a great question to ask Mya last night why did she think we needed to have dessert every night? It isn't something I was raised on either dessert was a treat. I am going to ask her that today well ask them all that today so I am not pointing it out to her and see what they say.
Thanks for all your responses gives me lots to think about.
Michelle