Am I really ready for this surgery? Warning long but please read

I went to my daughters recital yesterday and ran into a neighbor who is a nurse on the gastric bypass wing at the hospital. We have talked about it for years her husband had lap band. So my mom was with me and her mom. They proceeded to tell me that this was a huge mistake. Her brother used the partner at my practice and almost died. He is in FL with a specialist who corrects  serious RNY mistakes. She said to go to a different practice that my surgeon is arrogant. That is what everyone tells me that knows him. I am kinda arrogant at times so maybe that is why I don't notice and I like him. She said that the partner did in fact lose patients on the table like my surgeon said and mine hasn't but that doesn't mean he won't have a first!
Anyway she was going into the RNY vs Lap in front of my mom and her mom. My mom was starting to get worried really worried. So we talked at length and my mom is taking her side in everything because she is a nurse. BUT like she the nurse said people don't come back to her smiling and saying hey I am a model patient everything is going wonderfully. They come back in pain and with complications to her. So these are her issues and some of my concerns and my remedy/answer for them to my mom. Please tell me if you think I am leaving anything out.

Blood Clots can happen-Yes but I need to keep moving as much as possible and wear compression socks I believe they are called. Just keep moving is all I keep thinking in my head.
Death-I started dying the day I was born I am having this surgery knowing that I can die on the way to the hospital, if I don't have the surgery sooner because of comodities and cancer.
B-12 Shots-I have a fear of needles that is why I won't have the band and I don't like the idea of something foreign in my body. So she said I needed them for the first year as shots. I said I never heard that. I heard that some drs. check your labs at 6 months after surgery (I need to check with mine to see when he does it) and that they have drops I can put under my tongue and the vitamins I can take.
Vitamins/Malnutrition-SIMPLE AS THIS I must force myself to realize these little things called vitamins are the source of my survival in the healthiest way possible. Yes I might have to take 10-20-30 a day but whatever it is I accept it and I am going to have my timers out and my pill boxes out so I know never to forget them. Malnutrition yes the Drs will give me guideline of protein water etc to get in. I must follow that. In the beginning it won't always be easy I told my mom. I said I might not get it all in and I might get dehydrated and end up in the ER but I will try my hardest to avoid that and the IV that goes with it! As I am walking I will be sipping!
Blood Sugar issues-I know that I need to keep my sugar levels regulated or I could pass out. I need to discuss this further with my Dr to find out what I can do. I admit in this area I need more education.
Excess Skin-Yep I am going to have it will I have plastic surgery? My husband says yes if it bothers me that much we will find a way. Me I feel if we can use the money for one of our 4 kids save it.
Emotions-I am losing a best friend that I really don't think I have ever acknowledged is my best friend. I guess food is my friend and I really won't be hanging with her anymore. I will be using her only to fuel my body.
Pain-I have a high tolerance for pain I have been told. I had 4 kids unmedicated due to fear of needles. I got thru birth with each contraction with myself in my own world. Every contraction is my baby closer to being out and born. I will look at each painful day after this surgery as one step closer to being healthy and skinny.
Wounds, Open Surgery-I will do what is needed for this surgery if he has to cut me open hip to hip let him do it. Whatever is safest and will give me the life I desire. I also have heard of people having wounds heal from the inside out and need packing and changing etc. I accept this is a real possibility just pray it doesn't happen.
Drains-As much as I dread them they don't put them in me to be cruel. Obviously that fluid has to come out someway and if this is the way needed this to must be done. My drain that was removed after gall bladder surgery 4 days after was the most painful thing I ever experienced. I still get a chill down my spine just typing about it. But I am alive it didn't kill me and I know I can get this drain out and live to tell you all about it too.
Bladder Cather-I don't ever think I had this done before and it kinda freaks me out. I have to get up and walk like I mentioned above and get that dang thing out of me ASAP. I should feel worse for the nurse who had to put it in and take it out....that is how I will think about it.
Stroke-I sometimes worry that I might have a stroke on the table no idea why I just worry about that. I can't control that but I know that my husband and loving family and friends will fight with me to get me stronger daily. I try to surround myself with people who will lift me up not tear me down.
Seizures-I have seen the blogs I have asked my dr and he blew it off as nothing. I don't I believe that down the road he will see it must have some correlation to the surgery. I know that it is a possibility but I am tending to think that possibilities are just that. It isn't a definite so I need to be aware of it but not dwell upon it because it might never happen.
Hair Loss-Me and my honey have already been looking at wigs. As much as he is fearful I will be a even bigger diva I like seeing him point out these long wigs he would like me to wear. The hair will go it will come back and I will keep the biotin in my pill arsenal because I like what it does to my nails too!
Needles-well they will become my friend. It is tiny and seriously people give them to themselves I need to suck it up and know that they are testing me to make sure my levels are all good. Learn to love the needles!!! That should be my new motto
Iron Supplement via IV-so the nurse brought up something new I never heard. She has to get them done for bleeding she had to have a hysterectomy for bleeding all the time. Anyway she said when she goes everytime she can have a reaction to the IV Fluids it is like a allergic reaction but it is inside your blood and it is dangerous. This is when my moms face when pale as can be and she grabbed me and said the lap band is sounding really good! I never heard about that so this too I am going to ask the Dr about.

I know that I did this to my body. I know that I am taking a huge leap of faith with a man I met once and will only meet 2x before he changes my body and my life forever. I also know that I have the mindset to do my body right and give my kids the mom they deserve. I sat last night at the recital watching my daughter dance and second guessed myself for a bit. I play with my kids, I run with them, I have sleep apnea and slightly elevated BP, and I know I am fabulous already. I actually thought for about 4 dances I should just go back to the gym like I was and follow WW and do it on my own like I had before.....this time try to find a way not to let the weight creep back on. About the 5th or 6th dance 5 moms came on stage and did a tap dance......I AM GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE MOMS NEXT YEAR!!!!! I might be kidding myself thinking I am living life but what kind of life am I really living at 5-2inches 292 lbs? My life is about to begin just tell me have I left anything off the list I want to be sure I am prepared for anything!

Thank you so much for sharing in my journey over these last 5 months. BCBS FED when I called yesterday said the surgery is set for June 1 per the Dr. they are still in the approval phase but that is what the Dr told them for a date. So I guess that is a tentative date. My Bday is June 28th looks like a rebirth is about to happen in June!!!! I can't wait!

You are prepared.

I would focus on this: people don't come back to her smiling and saying hey I am a model patient everything is going wonderfully. They come back in pain and with complications to her.

Only you know what is right for you. You may not be able to alleviate all your Mother's fears. There are no guarentees you will not have any/all of the problems you mentioned; but honestly, the chances are VERY SMALL. There is no way in HELL I'd get a lapband, knowing all the problems people have with them. If I didn't want the malabsorption part of the surgery I would look at VSG over lapband!  But having lived with my RNY for over 10 years, and even having had some of the "complications" (one internal hernia, one bowel obstruction) I still wouldn't undo it if I could...I love the life my RNY has allowed me. 

Good luck and God bless you! 
 

You are prepared.

Many of the things she was tellng you about are risks with lap band, too.  Your risk of dying from RNY is the the same as your risk of dying from lap band or any other major abdominal surgery.   However, since most band patients need their band removed or replaced in less than ten years, that means they must have a second surgery, with the same risk of dying all over again.  I would never get the band.

Blood clots - no more likely with RNY than with the band, and unlikely if you walk as directed.  And yes, you'll have the compression socks on, too.

B12 shots - no need to do shots if you don't want.  You can do a sublingual that dissolves under your tongue or a nasal spray.  I do the shots though, I prefer them, and they do not hurt one bit.  Your doc should do labs at three months, six months, nine months and one year out.  But you should be taking B12 before that.

Excess skin - you already have excess skin.  Right now, you just have lots of fat to fill it out.  I'd rather have skin minus fat than have skin plus fat.

Bladder catheter - those hurt a little going in, but they will put it in after you are knocked out so you won't feel it.  It doesn't hurt once it's in and it doesn't hurt coming out.  It's no big deal.

IV infusions - most people don't have to get iron by IV.  Make sure you start your iron supplements as soon as you get home from the hospital and get your labs done regularly.

Yeah...what Kelly said.

I would just add that with regards to your surgeon...surgery inherently carries the risk of death. If he's not experienced a death thus far I think that's a good thing. Him being arrogant may or may not have anything to do with how he performs surgery. I have experienced many doctors in my lifetime and few of them are nice people. Just sayin'. You have to have a certain fortitude to be able to get through that many years of school, learn that much anatomy, chemistry, biology and go through rigorous certifications.

Quite honestly if I'd gone through all that and lived to tell the tale, I might be an asshole too. My surgeon has been a surgeon forever so I think that's why he's so lovely. But even he has a certain...swagger...

 I'll straight up say my surgeon is a ***** but I think he's hilarious he just has 0 tact or bedside manor lol. I didn't choose a surgeon based on personality, I chose him based on his impeccable track record and I'd choose him again in a heartbeat. So true nik!

      .oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.Miranda.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.      

 My cousin being an RN that has only dealt with those that have come in after complications is always telling me horror stories but she also now sees that I'm following the rules and thriving thus far so you can be the one to change your nurse friends outlook! 

My surgeon is one of those that corrects serious RNY mistakes. Wonder if that's who he is seeing. I'm always meeting people from around the country in the waiting room that are here for that specific reason and FYI he is an avid believer that the band is more invasive than rny. 

Youre prepared m'lady and you're gonna do great!

      .oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.Miranda.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo.      

I had zero issues with RNY thus far.  I went in for surgery on a Friday morning and released Sunday at noon.  The drain tube was removed before I went home.  There was no pain involved with the removal of the cath or tube.  I wasn't awake when it was put in.  I slept most of the time while in the hospital with the exception of when I was awake to eat, shower, walk or a nurse came in.  I an now eating small amounts of any meat, vegetable or fruit.  However, it is mostly protein as I'm not able to eat that much yet.   I am tired but I was tired before surgery having fibromyalgia.  The first time I had lap band because I thought it would be safer for me.  I hated having a foreign object and it hurt 24/7.  After it slipped it was a nightmare.  I wish I had RNY the first go round. I wouldn't know anything was done to me other than I have a long scar from open method and I have to take vitamins.  Presently, I have no hunger and love it..

I second everything that Kelly said.  MANY people just take sublingual B12 instead of shots and have no problems at all, many of us who already have a significant history of blood clots have NO problem with clots after surgery with just the basic prevention given to everyone (compression hose and/or SCDs, the Lovenox injections, walking as much as possible), many of us, eve if we have OPEN RNY never have a drain, not everyone experiences problems with blood sugar drops post-op and many people who do (like me) have very minor incidents and learn just to balance the protein and carbs to avoid them, the pain from lap surgery does not last very long and even if you have open surgery, it is just a few weeks of reasonably controlled pain (not the end of the world)... I could go on and on.

You are ready.  Do not let people scare you with generalized and often exaggerated stories of complications and hardship.  MOST people who have this surgery have minimal issues both immediately post-op as well as in the following years (certainly fewer health issues than if they and NOT had the surgery and alleviated most or all of their original comorbidities!).  Yes, serious complications can happen.  Serious comlications can happen with ANY surgery and certainly WILL eventually happen if you stay obese.  You deal with them just like anything else in life... As they come.

Lora

I think this RN was overstepping her boundaries.

I work with a lot of RNs, including my big boss, and while not specifically bariatrics RNs, never did one of them do or say so much to try to dissuade me. Why? Probably because they saw me fat, sick, and miserable for years.

Yes, it is a surgery and has inherent risks. Do they outweigh (har, har) the risk of staying obese?
The surgeon is arrogant, she says. Well that's a judgement call. Since he's rerouting your innnards, if you trust him then that's all that matters.

Bah! I could go on, but really I think this lady needs to just mind her own. I've read your posts. You have your head on straight, instead of straight up your butt, and you have realistic expectations. Nod, smile to her, and live your life. Doubters and haters be damned.

Thank you everyone. I think I got all my bases covered I am ready for this....let's go insurance say yes so it is a GO!
Michelle