Why not just say you don't want to talk about it?

poet_kelly
on 7/21/12 10:53 pm - OH

I don't mean to imply that I disagree with anyone's choice not to tell some people about their WLS. I think your medical business is your business and you don't have to share it with anyone you don't want to share it with.

But I'm wondering about something. For those that don't want to tell some people about your surgery, when people ask how you lost so much weight, why say something like "I am eating a lot less and exercising a lot more," which is kind of true but not the whole truth? Why not just say "I'd rather not talk about it?" To me, giving people the diet and exercise response seems kind of deceptive, because it implies that those are the only changes you had to make in order to lose weight, when the truth is that diet and exercise was not an effective way to lose weight for you - just like it is not an effective way for most people to lose weight. And while I don't think it's our responsibility to educate the public at large about effective ways to lose weight, including WLS, I do feel like it's sort of unfair to lead people to believe that diet and exercise works for you when it doesn't.

So why not just say you don't want to talk about it if you don't want to talk about it?

Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.

Larry Wassmann
on 7/21/12 11:04 pm - Lacey, WA

RNY on 05/09/12

At my age Kelly, some people I know have assumed I have cancer because of the sudden weight loss. If I would be evasive, I am sure they would think that. I pretty much shaved my head at the same time, and that, I guess made them even more suspicious that I have cancer. So when they ask I just say, “I am living a clean moral righteous life" and after they look at me funny, I confess that I had WLS.

Visit my Blog at http://www.lwassmann.blogspot.com/

Cicerogirl, The PhD
Version
on 7/21/12 11:08 pm - OH

RNY on 08/27/07

LOL. Wish I had that line when I was still losing!

Lora

14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.

JaneJetson
on 7/22/12 5:53 am

RNY on 05/07/12

Oh Larry, you are a kick! "I am living a clean moral righteous life" is excellent followed up by WLS. You know what? That is easy, quick and to the point! Love It!!!! Jane

BWB
on 7/22/12 7:50 am

RNY on 09/01/11

Honestly, I never thought about that but it makes a lot of sense. I don't object to tellling them that I had gastric bypass but what I brace my self for is waiting for them to follow with, "How much did you lose?" That is too personal for me, so I say, "I'm not telling." End of discussion.

I frequently add that I had a lot of health issues that kept getting worse so it was the best solution for me.

Cicerogirl, The PhD
Version
on 7/21/12 11:14 pm - OH

RNY on 08/27/07

100% agreement here. Although I do understand that some people want to keep their surgery private, it really bothers me that people give a "half truth" to other overweight people when they tell them that it is just diet and exercise, because that sends a false message to those people that there is something wrong with THEM because they cannot lose the weight (let alone so quickly!) with just changing what they are eating and exercising. It is, IMO, disingenuous to contribute to someone else's shame and sense of failure in that way. Just saying nothing or "I would rather not discuss it" at least does not inflict unwarranted guilt/frustration on others who are struggling with obesity.

Lora

14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.

slrm2m2
on 7/21/12 11:27 pm - Canada

Many people know, but I've been in situations with people that I don't want to talk about it with....clients that I know through work, for example...strangers that approach me at the gym and some parents of kids at my son's school. I completely agree that I don't want to send out a mixed message that diet and exercise are what works, because I know how it feels when you see others losing and think you must be the only loser (not the good kind, lol) on the planet that just can't get her **** together with food and exercise.

So I tend to be vague and just say a lot of changes, including help from my doctor and I say "its a long story" and then drift the conversation in a new direction. I hate the feeling of being fraud, but there are some people/cir****tances in which I don't want to share this personal info.

Sandy Surgery Jan.18,2012 with Dr. Timothy Jackson at TWH.

poet_kelly
on 7/21/12 11:28 pm - OH

RNY on 11/04/08

See, I think that's fine. I don't think it's being a fraud to decline to share personal medical information. Saying "it's a long story" is not misleading anyone and I don't think you owe it to anyone to tell them personal stuff you don't feel like sharing.

Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.

Dave Chambers
on 7/21/12 11:28 pm - Mira Loma, CA

RNY on 05/10/06

I'd also agree that without knowledge of WLS, people will wonder if you have major health issues when they notice the large wt loss. People are used to your image as larger, and when they note a major difference, it's likely to create a lot more questions about your health. Just a "guess", but I'd imagine one major reason for not telling is that many have failed at wt loss atempts in the past, and likely want others to think "they've finally did it on their own". Failed diet attempts are nothing to be ashamed of--most of us have failed several times before WLS. DAVE

Dave Chambers, 6'3" tall, 365 before RNY, 185 low, 200 currently. My profile page: product reviews, tips for your journey, hi protein snacks, hi potency delicious green tea, and personal web site.

poet_kelly
on 7/21/12 11:30 pm - OH

RNY on 11/04/08

I've read some stats lately on the success rate of diets and only about 5% of people are successful at losing a large amount of weight by dieting and keeping it off for more than two years. So failed diet attempts are absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. If you try something that only has a 5% chance of working and it doesn't work, I don't think that means you did anything wrong or that there is anything wrong with you. It just means you're normal.

Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.

Why not just say you don't want to talk about it?

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Why not just say you don't want to talk about it?