Husband has changed his mind

My surgery is tentatively set for early February and at first my husband was very supportive and understanding about why I wanted to do the surgery. He said he didn't think i needed it and looked just fine the way I currently look but I explained that I don't like the way i am and I wanted to be healthy. He said hd understood and would support me any way he could. Well today he said he didn't want me to have it. He is my only support besides my niece . my mother and mother in law don't think i should do it "because it is too dangerous" .and my aunt and cousin have had it done and both are in very poor health. so i really need his support....any ideas

Why doesn't he want you to do it?

Will he support you if it's what you want, even if it's not what he wants?  I mean, does he get that it's more about you than about him?

What's more dangerous, the surgery or continuing to live and eat like you are now? 

 

im 3 months post op down 75lbs my blood pressure meds have gone from 100mg twice a daY TO ONLY 25MG ONCE A DAY.HAVE NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY LIFE ITS YOUR DECSION BUT THE BEST ONE i HAVE MADE FOR ME......MY WEIGHT WAS CAUSING LOTS OF MEDICAL ISSUES DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR LIFE MY REASON WAS IM 32 AND WANT TO EXTENDED MY LIFE WHICH THIS GREAT TOOL IS DOING IT REALLY IS A BLESSING

 

First off, who runs your life, you or your family?  Need support? see a therapist and get on forums, meet friends at support groups.  I would be damned if my life became secondary to what the others can't deal with.  You are the most important person right now because YOU are wanting to make your life healthier and better.  Just because your aunt and cousin had it done, means squat in the long run.   Would you not want your mother or husband to not have a life saving surgery?  That's what they are asking of you, to not do something that could save your life just because of their inability to cope. Dangerous is dying of diabetes, or having your leg and foot amputated, heart disease, a stroke, you name it with all that comes with obesity.  I can only wish you the best of luck.  Jane

Is your mother or his, talking to him behind your back?  Are they undermining you?  Maybe you are talking about it too much...just an idea.  This is what I would do,  since you asked, I would continue to go to your doctors appointments, do your research on nutrition, try to lose the pre-surgery weight, and anticipate any negative comments and have constructive rebuttal when it comes up.  Keep the tone of your discussions cool and level headed but let everyone know that you have made a decision.  If your doctor has an open seminar about WLS, take him with you and ask the questions that he is concerned about....if he won't ask them himself.   I say this based on the assumption that you have the insurance to pay for it.  If it is an expense that you can't afford right now then he does have rights to his input.  You might have to resort to go to counseling together.

Did he say what he doesn't understand now, and why he changed his mind? What happened  that caused both your aunt and cousin to have poor health after WLS? Is he willing to agree to disagree, and be supportive because he respects your decisions? He might be scared because he loves you, and by going over these questions with him, you might  be able to find out why he changed his mind and work things out.

 If you choose to go ahead without his support, is there a support group in your area to attend? Also remember, you're not completely alone in this process, you always have the people here on OH too.

I sincerely wish the best for you!

Kat

Just hang in there and continue the dialog with your husband. He has not likely had this change of heart because he is a mean person or because he wants you to stay unhealthy. He is likely scared because he loves you and is worried about the dangers of surgery itself or other fears of it changing your relationship somehow. There have been other topics posted on spouses having the fear of the relationship changing after the other person loses weight. I think if your husband is a reasonable person, with some more education and  patient conversation you can both come to the conclusion TOGETHER that this is in fact the best thing for you, your life and your marriage.

There's no way I could have been as successful as I have been without my husband's support. He's been my biggest cheerleader!

That being said, this surgery saved my life! It's the best thing I ever could have done for myself and I would have done it with or without my husband's support because it wasn't him him at 340 pounds being super morbidly obese with several co-morbidities getting ready to die. He's active duty in the Air Force so he's never known what it is to be overweight. There's no way he could have comprehended what I was going through.

I wish you luck and I pray you can agree on the surgery together.

Sorry to hear about how your husband feels, but, it is not his body. It is yours and it is your decision alone. It is for your health that you are doing this. Sometimes they don't like change I have heard from some people that their husband started out like that-they thought that if their wife lost all that weight that they would not love them anymore. They found out they were wrong and came around to the surgery.

My husband is my support and has been to all the meetings-support and Info. He comes with me on my clinic visits (stays in waiting room and reads). He is there for me. My son, who is in his 30's, lives with his wife down in Brooklyn and has expressed his support as has my brothers and my sister (who also had Gastric Bypass).

Carol