hypocrite

Jen - first, I, too want to applaud you for being direct and honest with your daughter. Some eight-year-olds are a bit more precocious than others (believe me, I know one). I think we all slip up and say things we regret or that could have been worded better. I think that since your daughter seems so concerned, you may want to sit down and have a conversation with all the things you said in your post.

Fat acceptance is kind of like disability acceptance. I am an amputee, and I appreciate when people treat me with kindness and recognize that I am special and beautiful, but I would not wish this condition on anyone, and if there was a surgery to give me my leg back - damn right I would seek it out! Loving and accepting those who are obese is the right attitude, but you must recognize that it is an unhealthy condition to be avoided and/or corrected.

Keep up the great work as a parent, and good luck on your weight loss journey!

Hi Everyone!! I'm new here! I had lapband surgery about 5 years ago. I am thinking about having a revision to gastric bypass because I have had no luck with the band. Anyway, I know exactly how your feeling. I tell my daughter all the time that she needs to realize her genes and watch herself if she don't want to get big, then I say not that its a bad thing to be thick because you would be beautiful no matter what. My daughter is 14 now and she was about 9 when I had my lapband surgery. I didnt tell my kids what kind of surgery I had, but they figured it out by hearing people talking. One day my daughter was pigging out on candy and I said "what have I told you about your genes? you need to watch yourself if you dont want to be like me" and she said, "Ill just have surgery like you did and Ill get skinny again" I also dont want my daughter to think its a quick fix either. Because no matter what its hard work. No matter what you tell your kids, they are going to hear people talk. As you lose weight people are going to be commenting and telling you how good you look and asking you about your success. Your oldest daughter is going to notice your change in eating habits. I wouldnt feel guilty if I were you, maybe just sit her down and tell her that even though its ok to be a little thick and everyone is beautiful, sometimes it can be unhealthy and thats why you are having to surgery, so you can be there for her. Don't feel like an ass, your a good mom and doing what you have to do to be the best mom you can for your babies.

You're not a hypocrite- you're human. We get tired of being fat - that's the outside label - what we're tired of is not being able to move, being overly hot when it's summer and sunny out, not being able to play with our kids, run to the car or sit close in a booth in a restaurant. Don't tell them you're going to never be able to eat and will have pain - I had very little pain, eat whatever I want now and life is good. You can use this to teach them about healthy eating, food choices and being responsible for our bodies - good and bad. You're not setting them up for a life of being critical of others - you need to let them know that your choice to be healthy involved surgery - just like if you had a bad valve in your heart that needed fixing, a broken arm that needed mending, etc. You can't accept your weight as it blocks other aspects of your life - not the fact that you are judgemental of "fat" itself. We're all tired of things in our lives that hold us back - for many of us that thing is our weight. Use this time before and after surgery to teach your kids  that this is do-able, responsible and a way to better your life and the lives of others through example. We can eat - we now eat post op like we should have before but didn't/couldn't. It's a way to get healthy - like a class or  epiphany. Let them know that this is an alternative to other weight loss methods, that is will lead to a better lifestyle and a healthier and happier mom. Also teach them that sometimes something is hard and has to hurt before it gets better. And this is way better.

Jen 12 yrs post op RNY

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I should mention that I have also told them that I want to be healthy and active and be able to help coach their soccer teams without looking like I'm going to have a heart attack. I swear it wasn't all just "because I'm fat", but I worry that's the big one they heard. I did feel it necessary to tell them WHY they need to help mommy extra after surgery and why my youngest can't just jump on me when she wants to. I told them that they are very healthy (seriously, these kids are built like their Daddy...tall and thin.) and the importance of keeping themselves healthy for life. We were also talking about going to college and daughter said "I want to be a mom!" and I told her she could...when she was 30, after she went to school and started her career, met a wonderful man and got married lol. We always want "better" for our children....I got married out of highschool (still happily married today) but I am realizing now how much I did miss by starting married life and motherhood so early. Just like that, I don't want my kids to be fat....I don't want them to experience the heartache I have felt my entire life  (thank you Jenny Craig for having the same first name as me and all of the kids calling me "Jenny Craig" because I was chubby). Now that I am getting surgery on Monday (holy crap, it's almost here), I can be healthy and happier and ACTIVELY show them how important it is to take care of the body we were given at birth. 

Again, thank you for your positive responses. I love my RNY family. 

Help your children stay thin by seeing you eat healthy and only feed them healthy food.  Being MO is more then being fat, it is being extremely unhealthy also.  My son was raised to believe food was for eating not reward or consolation.  He is thin and hopefully will always be.