MEN!!!!

Lots of women do this too. I can honestly say I've looked at attractive men before myself but that doesn't mean anything other than I looked. I totally ogle Russell Crowe in the movies! Physical attraction is one thing, who your heart belongs to is another. Have you ever seen some of the married women out there with male strippers? I have.. phew!

It is very common for men to do this, and it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you or isn't attracted to you (necessarily). I also don't think it necessarily means that is the reason he doesn't want you to have WLS.

I would do what is best for you regardless of what your husband does or does not want. I would ask your husband to learn to be more slick about his checking out other women. A little whack upside his head ought to wake him up from his reverie.

Im the looker… for sure in my relationship…. ASK sublimate… she's seen me looking… haha If I am obvious I always make a joke out of it. My hubby knows Im sarcastic and just laughs at me when I ask him to drive slower past the half naked jogging 19 year old "men" LOL I used to get really upset when he looked at women so he doesn't do it in front of me. Hypocrite, yes I know… I am what I am... The reality is if he already knows it bothers you he should NEVER do it. If my hubby got upset I wouldn't do it, but seeing as he humors me… well I take every opportunity...

Amen Sister! You have every right to be upset. Remember to think about you 1st, get your WLS. Good luck.

Well, I don't really have any advice. All I can add is that I guess they all can't be charmers like ME!

Evie,

I will be praying for your husband and you. Yes, God hates divorce. Put the Lord #1 now and always and He will show you the way. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

It's funny how different relationships can be. 

It doesn't bother me at all if my husband looks at other women.  Hell,  I'm usually pointing women out to my husband, especially those that are... ahem... well-endowed (he's a boob man and proud of it).  It's like a private joke to us... I motion to some chesty chick across the room, ask if asking his opinion... sometimes it's a smile and an appreciative nod, sometimes it's a "meh" kind of a look, sometimes it's a total thumbs down.  I'm still not sure what criteria he' looking for when he makes his calls, but maybe that's part of the fun

I don't know why that's the way it is with us... it just always has been.  Perhaps it's because I know there's nothing more than a biological drive behind the looks?  We ARE animals, after all.  Mother Nature is pretty adamant about the survival of the species being a top priority; part of that involves giving men a strong sex drive.  They're instinctually driven to get their genes spread around as far and as wide as possible (which is why they're more prone to cheating... it's a simple matter of evolutionary biology).  Granted, while that diversified gene pool helped us become the dominant species on the planet, it doesn't really have a place in our modern society now that the human race is pretty firmly established. 

Suffice it to say that some men are able to commit to a relationship and see it through, some, like perpetual bachelors, are not... but all of them are going to look.  I don't blame them for looking, if a Johnny Depp look alike crosses my path, you bet your ass I'm looking... I may even shush my husband if his talking is messing with the soundtrack my own head has assigned to Mr. JD's strut (usually something akin to Brown Chicken Brown Cow...).   

When I read the original post, my first impression of the tone on the "small butt" and WLS comments were as though they were coming across as playfully sarcastic, because that's how I would have reacted.  As I continued reading, though, it became clear that there was genuine hurt behind them

I'm sorry to hear this was a hurtful experience for you.  I'm not sure what I can say that would be helpful, but have you tried taking a light-hearted approach where you're giving him some good-natured ribbing about having been "caught"?  I don't know your relationship dynamic or how that would go, but that's how I approach it and it's a non-issue with us, so I don't know what other advice I can give.

 Maybe get a copy of Every Man's Battle for your husband it really helps men learn to control their eyes.

Also is he afriad for your safety dring the surgery?  Maybe its simple fear or fear of change that maybe if you lose weight you may not find him worthy anymore.  Change is very scary to guys.

God bless and forget about the divorce talk- it will only hurt you more in the long term.  Maybe some time for both of you with your pastor might help?

JB

Amen !!

Hugs! I am so sorry that you are having so much opposition to your WLS! If you needed a pacemaker would your husband or kids tell you not to get it??? NO! It is the same thing here. It is medically necessary. U do what u have to do for u!!!

So men are very controlling and they think that if their wife/gf loses weight that they will have more self esteem and get more attention, and that will realize that they do not have to be controlled or put up with their disrespectfull behaviours. Could this be true of him???

As far as him checking out other women like that..............VERY TACKY! We all look. We can't help but notice someone attractive...............but to take it to the extreme that he does is hurtfull and insulting to u!

Evie u are a very sweet lady and my heart goes out to u. I wish u all the best with your WLS and with your life in general!!!

Dearest Evie, I'm so sorry you are hurting but I'm so proud of your strength and determination.  I know that the right path is laid out for you to follow and you will do exactly that...take it.  My wishes are that you get through your wls and that your husband will turn all his attentions on looking at your small butt instead of others.  What a turn of events it will be when he notices other men  looking at the beautiful woman at his side. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your first husband.  I'm praying that your strength and determination will carry you through to your goal.