MEN!!!!

Post Date: 3/29/11 6:41 pm

Hi All,

I am upset and I would love to have some feed back on this subject. I don't mean to hurt anyone by asking. I guess I am hurt and want to vent.

My husband that does not want me to have WLS. To make a long story short. I have to remember that I belong to God and there should be noone above him, so I really tried hard to not to get mad today at my husband.

Ok, this the man that does not want his wife to have WLS. He was at my car today helping the little lady that I take care of getting in the car and I was inside the store getting ready to leave and I happened to look up and a very slim blonde walked past the car, Man, he sure could not keep his eyes off her, looking her up and down, it is a wonder that he did not let the little lady fall out of the car. I just walked out there and said YOU LIKED THAT SMALL BUTT DIDN'T YOU! He just made a face. I got in the drivers set and he was in the back seat, and I turned around and looked at him in a very meaning way and said, DON'T YOU EVER SAY AGAIN THAT YOU DON'T WANT ME TO HAVE WLS, he just said ok, in a very guity voice.

Does men not see how this hurts the woman in his life. I know men are not blind, but I am old school, if you are married and you see someone like that do not stare them up and down, it hurts us so very much.

I am not going to go into a lot of this, but about a year and 1/2 ago, I had already gave a Lawyer 1,700 dollars for a divorce , he did much worst things than this. I felt in my heart that God said NO DIVORCE, so I have given him another chance. He has always had a problem with checking out the small women, looking them up and down with me standing right there beside him, it hurts so bad. I feel so ashame of even being there with him. I know I am no angel in this marriage, I have a big mouth but with God's help I am trying hard to keep my anger under control.

My first husband pasted away as he was driving to work one morning he was 44 yrs old. our two girls were small. We just had an old school marriage, keep your hands off the other sex,  etc: We had been married 23 yrs.

I just can not get use to my now husband doing this. I hope I am making sence.  No WLS right!
Good bless you all, thank you for letting me vent, just hurt so very much.

Evie

I am so sorry Evie, that you are hurting. I don't know what it would be like to be with someone who doesn't support such a huge event in your life. I hope you don't mind me asking, but are you having the surgery for you or your husband. It just sounds like you want to be skinny so your husband doesn't look at other women. Your mind set just plays so much into this life changing event, that I hope you are in the right mind place to deal with the changes that are going to happen. God Bless you with all your decisions and I wish you the best in your marriage.

Shannon

No Shannon,

 Nope, not having WLS for my husband, if he does not love me the way that I am then I don't need him in my life. I was just saying he is being two faced, telling me not to have WLS and then eyeing small women and having no respect for me. I mean he has really given me a hard time some times over the WLS. He is afraid I will die or eat baby food all my life, just a bunch of junk and worring me. I just felt like he was being a 2 faced jerk. That is what got me.

My health is # 1 to me about losing weight. I want to be around to run and play with my grandkids, and see them have kids of there own. I been falling down because it is just hard to carry my weight around. I had breast cancer, 3 yrs ago, chemo and rad. has left me weak. I fought cancer and now I owe it to me to try to be healthy. I pray to God that I get the sleeve and live a wonderful healty life for ME. I want to be happy for me. Looks are on the last of my list.
I hope I have made things clear.

Good Bless
Evie

You have a great attitude!  

well is sounds like he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too, and you deserve better than that. I am glad you are having the surgery for you, I wish you the best of luck, it sounds like you have some decisions to make...

Shannon

Evie,

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I know to well the pain you are feeling.  I was in that type of marriage for 18 years.  Thank God I am now married to a wonderful man that loves me regardless of my size and supports me in any decision I make including my WLS.  You deserve better than that..  I am certainly not telling you to divorce him, but stand your ground and demand respect.  I think you handled it perfectly with what you said when you came out of the store.  Now get moving on your journey to having WLS.  Do it for yourself.  If he Loves you, he will accept it.  Best of luck! 

Stephanie

 Evie, 
I agree, do you want surgery for yourself or for your husband to look at you that way? The fact may be that you can be the most perfect looking woman out there and he may not look at you that way? OR it could totally change your marriage. You just don't know.

This is a HUGE decision and while looking good and being healthier for our spouses can be a reason for surgery, it can't be THE reason.

((hugs))

 

I am sorry you had to go through this today. We all know that men look but doing it in front of you is completely disrespectful. Period. No excuse.

I hope that you can come to terms with this weight loss surgery. If YOU have the desire to do it then please close your mind off to the negative things your daughter and husband say. If you decide to do it you will have a longer life to serve God and do right by him.

One of the reasons that I did it is so that I can be healthy and the healthier, longer life I have means more animals I can help.

I do want to warn you that some marriages can be broken after WLS. The hormones fluctuations we go thru after are difficult and this kind of experience can bring out the cracks in the relationship.

yep,
Will have to wait and see if this hurts our marriage. If I don't do something to help my self, I feel that I am just not going to live a long life. I am going to try my best to do what I can for me to help myself.
God Bless you.
Evie

Truly sorry for the loss of your 1st husband. You have your ducks in a row as far as who come first in your life and that truly is GOD. You being a Christian woman know GOD hates divorce. Now with that said you have a right to be respected by your other half he is suppose to be your support system. I don't want to get to much into the word with you right now. I feel that is a private issue that maybe we can discuss later. Why is your husband so against you having weight loss surgery?
. Does it have something to do with his faith? You deserve to be happy and that is the bottom line. How can he dare look at another woman who he is obviously attracted to and then tell you no surgery. You have every right to have this surgery if it is going to give you a more abundant life. I say pray on it put your burdens on the LORD. But don't let your husband be a burden to you that is not what marriage is about. I am sorry you sought it wise to seek a divorce in the past. A husband is suppose to love and cherish his wife like the LORD love the church. I just pray that you as a woman demand respect from your husband all men are not disrespectful and you deserve that we all do.I will pray for your and you husband. Hopefully we can talk offline. May GOD bless you and give you the desires of your heart. You take care of your emotional state. HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!