just needing to vent non supportive fiance

Ever since surgery I just look at food and think to myself do I really have to eat this I am never hungry since my surgery.  My fiance is not very supportive either at first he was all excited about me getting the surgery but since the surgery its like he is going out of his way to try and sabotage me or something for example we went out to eat at one of our favorite places where they have a special an appetizer 2 meals and a dessert for $19.99 he insisted on getting that because he wanted to have the cheesecake i tried to explain to him that it would be cheaper just for us to share a meal and for him to order the cheese cake but of course i didn't know what i was talking about he ordered cheese sticks and he ate all 10 of them then his meal came and he ate all of that and some of mine he had to bring the cheese cake home and it was almost like he didn't bother to chew his meal because he shoveled it in like he hadn't eaten in 3 years he keeps claiming that he is cutting back and not eating as much at lunch time and that he is eating more subway and less fried foods but i found a receipt in his pants pocket for subway for a 6" sub 3 cookies and a bag of chips and large drink which I'm sure was coke if that's what you call cutting back i should have done that a long time ago he also has no problem going to the grocery and buying junk food for example pies,ice cream, potato chips, frozen pizzas all stuff that he knows that i can't have then he sits down in front of me and eats it and says do you want a bite i don't expect him to never have these things but does he really have to do that right in front of me all the time I'm just very frustrated and needed to vent sorry  

I'm thinking he is scared of losing you once you get more attractive and healthier....

My husband does not try to sabotage me. But now he keeps telling me he does not want me to leave my house with out him lol. I told him we have been married to long for him to start acting like this.

Thank god he stopped I could not live like that.

My question is did he eat like this before and you not notice it?  Do you think you are notiicing it more that you are on the road to good health??

If not, I would sit and have a talk with him.  Maybe he is nervous he will lose you.  Be honest and share your feelings.  This journey has it's ups and downs and you need someone to be supportive every step of the way.  Good luck and congrats on making a big decision to better yourself

I guess I am lucky, my husband doesn't complain about anything.  He eats whatever I cook and eats SF popsicles right along with me.  I make breakfast in the morning and make him 2 eggs, toast, sometimes a piece of meat or potatoes.  I make myself one egg and sometimes its a one egg cheese omlette.  Lunch he fends for himself  and I make dinner for him, my grandson and myself.  When he gets called in to work I make his lunch so he gets 2 sandwiches, a fruit and sometimes some baked chips or popped chips.  We do the grocery shopping together so nothing goes into that basket without both agreeing on it.  At our age we cannot afford to indulge in behaviors that hurt each others feelings.  It doesn't get us anywhere in the long run and we also believe that time spent being angry or upset with each other is time lost in the "Love"  Dept...believe me I would rather spend an hour loving than arguing. My husband is 67 and is still the handsomest man I ever saw and still makes my heart race when he smiles.

That is soooooo sweet, Stephanie! Mine has been very good too. We compromised and it is working. He has even lost 14lbs!

 Because I don't know the full story I am going to go out on a limb here and say that he is probably nervous that once you lose all the weight you won't have a use for him.  I think many spouses go through this and get scared.  My hairdresser is dating a man who's wife has surgery, got thin, left him and is now married to someone else.  He has gone out of his way to make sure my hairdresser stays nice and plump.  He sabatoges her every chance he gets.  

Also, imho, I want you to remember why you are doing this.  Are you doing it for him or for you?  If you answer that you are strictly doing this for you then you need to remember that this is your "walk" and not his.  We can hope that our loved ones will be supportive but not all are going to be and you need to remember that he has his demons and you have yours and right now you are working on yours.  Your demons can't be his.  Do you get what I'm saying?  You work on yourself and leave him to deal with himself.  I think what he did at the restaurant was a little crass but again, this is your walk and you have to learn how to deal with normal eating situations.  

In the very beginning, I would sit with my family, have a couple bites of whatever I was eating, then get up and leave the kitchen.  Now that I'm further out I cook the meals and I cook what I can eat.  If my family wants spaghetti, I will make it but I will just eat the sauce and add extra meat to mine.  Last night, they wanted lasgna so I made myself chicken.  I didn't berate them that they were having lasgna.  Now, I could have had a small piece but I decided to have chicken instead.  I don't normally do this so to me it wasn't a big deal.  

Anyway, I wish you the best and I hope you and your boyfriend can come to some agreement.

I think as most other people have replied to your posts about is that he is afraid to loss you as you loss the weight.

My husband thinks that going to a fast food place is going out to eat.. My he is also on a diet now, and he will eat what ever i make for dinner. He has told me that when I go on my liquid diet post op, that he will not eat in front of me, he just does not want to make it hard for me.

He does like chips (which they are my evil)..

I hope everything works out for you, and I am very sorry you are going through this.. It is a hard time for everyone, and it is much easier when you have people with you, that are supportive and are helpful to you.

Susan

You know, I never considered my husband of 30 years insecure but lately he says things like, are you going to leave after you loose the weight? he says guys at work say Ill leave, what do the guys at work know, most of them Ive never met. I think they get together and analyze us but they still have not got us figured out, try to be patient, they seem to take it personally when we loose weight, even if he doesn't ask for it he may need reassurance. sometimes I think we expect them to be mind readers, they don't work that way, you may need to tell him what you need from him, straight out, leaving hints sometimes is not enough...good luck and hang in there it will get better!

In addition to what everyone else has posted (lots of good ideas) I'd also mention that your weight loss may have spurred him to be concerned about his own eating. And by concerned, I mean terrified and thrown into a tail spin of needing to eat because he doesn't know how to deal with his emotions/feelings. I know my own reaction to "I need to lose weight" would sometimes lead me into a bit of a self-destructive binge before being able to get a hold of my behavior. I'm not sure if your fiance is overweight or has eating issues, but it's just a thought. 

Bottom line is that it sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart with him about what you're going through and what he's going through.