Relationship/marriage advice :-(

OK, with that added info it really sounds like he is TOXIC to you and regardless of how much you miss the married life and may be scared to be alone you need to rid yourself of him for you and your daughter.

Hitting is not ok. Under any cir****tances. Period. Hands on is hands on. You dont want your daughter thinking this behavior is normal and ok because it is not. Cursing, being abusive, whatever- she is obviously picking it up.

The best thing you probably ever did was leave him. That doesnt mean he is evil. It just means he is not right for you and your relationship is not healthy anymore.

I am no expert but the situation only sounds like it would get worse, not better. You should not be spoken to like that and treated like that. Sometimes parenting can be a case of do as I do and not do as I say...would you want this kind of relationship for your precious child? Sounds like you should RUN as fast as you can and VERY CAREFULLY. Maybe think about calling an abuse hotline too. Good luck!

Thanks again guys...

This is so hard... one of the things that keeps messing with my head is that he's been way better than I expected since we seperated... still him and all, don't get me wrong, but much more respectful and in control than I expected... which then gets me to think that maybe he really is changing...

I just don't trust it....

He keep saying that he has changed and is working on changing more, but that I have to give him a chance... it all makes sense when we are talking, but once I have some distance I go back to thinking I would be crazy to let him back...

BUT... he has changed some... shouldn't I give him credit for that?

Plus she will still be visiting with him regardless...

You're not out anything by staying seperated until you feel he has made real and permanent changes.  But from your description, it sounds like he might not be able to maintain his changes.  Of course you miss "being a couple"  , you were together a long time, but do you miss him? 

My tried and true answer to people who are in similar situations is "if you are happier with out him, then that is your answer/" 

But life is never black and white, so just dont make any rash decisions.
Good Luck

I'm going through a divorce myself so I know how you feel. It is very hard to try and lose weight and focus on other things when you are in such emotional turmoil. My marriage was bad before I had WLS and I also don't see my husband changing either.

He doesn't beat me or cheat on me or any of the things that would make it EASY to say I'm out of here. But also I feel like we have been bad roommates for a long time and I don't see that changing at all. The whole uncoupling thing is incredibly hard.

I sometimes wish he WOULD do something horrible.. make it easy for me to split and hate him. We are trying to divorce amicably but are technically separated at this point. It is very hard to have so many changes like that, especially when you've been together so long.

What I have been doing is doing the very best I can to still be friends. We still live together for now until our house gets sold, and I continue to make him meals and clean so as to avoid rocking the boat. I will continue trying to be his friend for as long as I can for my son's sake and hope that it keeps things amicable.

You say your husband ha**** you before.. honestly to me that would be just the excuse I needed to get out. You will end up teaching your daughter that it's OK to have a man hit you and she will get that lesson from you. It really isn't OK that he did that, and I think just that he did it ONE time is enough.

He may make some token changes if he sees that it might get you to take him back. Maybe he is seeing some of the things he's given up and is regretting it. BUT it takes a LOT of work to get anger management issues under control and to fix the problems you are describing. A little break is NOT going to fix it. He needs to do a lot of personal work and you have to let him go.

Now if he says he has enrolled himself into anger management courses and therapy and has been going a while, then maybe, but from what you describe it sounds like he's done very little changing or fixing on his end. From my view he'd have to do a LOT more work than that for me to give him credit.

BUT I totally get it's hard and so very painful to separate and lose that relationship and the coupling, even if the relationship isn't great. If you want to vent and share some time, please friend me and we can chat on the phone some time. I feel your pain, I really do.

I suggest you think really really hard about what it means to "give him credit" for his changes. Sure, he might change and be a better person, at least for a while as long as he feels he has something to gain by it. But so what if he does make permanent positive changes? Those changes are their own reward. It doesn't mean that you owe him "credit" in the form of getting back with him. He sounds like a classic narcissist, and you sound like you need a boost to your self worth. He never put your daughter to bed before your separated??! He hit you, but didn't beat you? Gosh I wish you could hear yourself with some distance and perspective. Please please do yourself and your daughter a huge favor and stay the course with your separation, focus on your daughter and your healthful journey. See how you feel 100 lbs and a year from now and I'll bet you anything you'll think you can do a lot better.

Thank you guys... I appreciate all of the support.  It helps so much to have people take the time to write such detailed and well thought out responses... it gives me a lot to think about an it is helping me to put/keep things in perspective...

Please keep it coming!  You all are amazing in so many ways :0)