Guilt

 So I'm seeing a therapist trying to get my head right before surgery to make the journey easier.  She had a number of good comments yesterday but one that really got me was talking about the guilt I carry around.  Guilt that I'm a bad wife, mom, friend because I'm obese.  Then I eat more to make me feel better because I feel guilty.  It's a horrible circle.  She sat there grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes and said "you are a good mom, wife and person.  Being obese doesn't make you bad at any of these things."  It was really hard to hear.  I felt like running from the room.  So I'm working really hard this week to remind myself that fat or not I'm a good person.  It's very hard to accept yourself warts and all. . .

Anyway I was wondering if anyone else struggles with this?  Or if there are any other demons you've found about yourself that has helped you through recovery.

She also talked about eating things (my trigger foods) in moderation and I got so nervous just talking about it I started sweating!  I had no idea food could cause such stress until we started looking at all the emotions evolved.  It's really heavy stuff.

Guilt is a funny thing.  Post-op  I felt guilty for feeling full even tho I had only eaten 4 oz's.  Apparently I had been feeling guilty pre-op becasue I was full knowing full ment more weight gain.

Most of us who are/were ever obese got that way because we use food in inappropriate ways.  I would eat when I was happy, sad, guilty, bored, anything.  For now VSG has taken those urges away and I'm sure I'm breaking bad habits as I go along - it is a great tool.  Obviously I could not conquer my issues with food without this tool.

I know I was surprised about issues that I had that were triggers.  I really had never thought about it or thought I had resolved those issues.  I was wrong.  My therapist asked a simple question and I teared up.  I am not a crier and was shocked by my response.  I guess no matter how together we think we are...we may not be.  I have used food to cope as I am sure many of us have.  It is still possible to do that with the sleeve but much more complicated.  Congrats on going on this journey.

I do think guilt is a common theme with us. We feel guilty about our size, and guilt makes us eat. Fear is another.

Be open with her about your trigger foods. Tell her you have a lot of fear about trying to eat your trigger foods in moderation, and will need to be a lot more comfortable before you try it. Don't feel like you HAVE to try it just to prove something to yourself or to her.

We all have issues, believe me. I was a volume eater at meals, not necessarily a snacker unless something was right in my face. After much delving into the scary recesses of my mind, I realized that it all goes back to growing up in large, income challenged family ( dad taught school, mom did not wor****il I was a teenager because they could not afford a second car). There was never really enoug food to feed our family of six, and my mother believed in letting my dad serve himself first, then the rest of us divided up what was left. Well, my dad was a big eater, and so we all ended up being a little hungry all the time. So as an adult i overcompensatwd for that and ended up 117 pounds overweight.
Talk about weird issues! Oh well, i am dealing with it and my new small tummy is helping me!

Glad you are making the effort to deal with your issues pre-op, it will be of great benefit in the long run.