Feel Weird in my Skin

 So this is going to be a sort of rambling post as I'm just feeling unsettled and I find just getting it out there often helps.  Sorry in advance if it's hard to follow!

I'm down over 100lbs since my highest weight, and almost to 100lbs since I started this journey back in Sep. (my ticker weight).  I am rarely (unless I"m home) the largest person in a room anymore.  BUT I still feel huge.  I can look at a picture of myself, and go wow look at how far I've come but I don't feel like that woman looks, she's a stranger.  

The breast reduction surgery has just compounded that feeling of not being on the outside who I feel like on the inside.  I've always had large breasts.  Back as a teenager when I showed horses all the time, we used to duck tape my breasts so they wouldn't bounce.  I've never really worn button up shirts because they gape and cute sun dresses that would take a strapless bra have always been a no-no.  Even when I was fit and in the army my breasts were an issue.  Now I have tiny breasts, and while I know it's only been 5 days, I just feel like a complete stranger in my own skin.  The person I see in the mirror is NOT me.  How do you reconcile that?  Is it just time?  Do I need counceling?  If I can't see myself as me now, what happens when I get closer to goal?  Will I know when it's time to stop?  Am I still feminine without my breasts?!  

I'm just awash with emotions (Vicodin is probably not helping) and feel really out of sorts.  I just figured ya'll would probably have some words of wisdom.  Here's a pick of me in my new boobs:

 
 

 I don't think you are alone in feeling like this. You just had a major surgery that comes with a lot of change physically and mentally. 

I feel like a stranger in my body. I feel one way. The mirror says something else. But windows usually give me a different image. And I can't reconcile all of them. My inner skinny and fat girl identities are fighting but stuck in some warped body that's neither fat nor skinny. 

It will take time but I think you'll adjust. You're a wise woman - I think you're goIng to get to a happy place sooner than you'll think. 

I haven't been where you are but my intuition tells me it will take time but you will get used to the new you.
And I hope I can say this in a non-sexually harassing way: take it from a lesbian, you still have breasts and they are very attractive and you look quite feminine. Trust me.

 No sexual harrasment taken.  I think my husband's reaction has made it more difficult.  He's obviously in shock and the first thing out of his mouth when he walked into the hospital, was "OMG they are so small".  Not really what I was looking for. . . I think it's just a big adjustment for him too, I just wish he'd kept it to himself.

You will get used to them.  I was so overjoyed with my little perky boobs when I had my reduction done many years ago.  Breasts do not make the woman.  The only regret I had at the time of my reduction was that is took me so long to get rid of the big boobs.  Now after gaining ****e loads of weight and losing it again my little perky boobs paid the price but I wouldn't change them for the world. A good push up bra and life is good.  But it is hard to reconcile with the image of ourselves in our minds and what we see in mirror. It will just take a little time. My hubby met me with big breasts and married me after my reduction and has seen me thru highest weight (fatty boobs) and now with the less then perky boobs and he says he just sees the woman in me not my size. Hopefully you have someone who sees you for you and not the size of your breasts and can help you thru your transformation.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It sounds pretty normal actually given the journey we're on. You situation is probably amplified because of your breast reduction. But trust me, it takes a long time to look in the mirror and understand that it's me. And there are times where I still don't recognize myself. It's unsettling. I figure it will just take time. I long for the day when I no longer think it's not me in the mirror.

I think your body is probably full of hormones, pain and some meds from the surgery so this feels worse at the moment. I think it will get better, though it will take time. Counseling isn't a bad idea (I'm a big fan of it!).

I have smaller breasts (B/C cup) and I actually LOVE that my breasts are smaller. When I was heavy, they were DDs and I didn't much care for it. For me personally, smaller breasts feel very feminine. I don't wish for a second that I was bigger than a C. I hope you find that happy place, too!

Hang in there.

 You are perfectly normal and so totally NOT alone in this.

I am down over 150 lbs and I sometimes don't recognize myself when I look in the mirror.  I stand in front of the bathroom sink looking at my body from all angles and wonder "what happened to me, where is the man I always used to know?"  II was at the salon today having my monthly hair cut and was studying the contours of my face - I didn't recognize it.  There are bony prominences wher I never had them before.  There is a slope to my cheeks instead of a chipmunk look.

My Skin is alternately horrifying and fascinating.  I have plastics scheduled on October first for the LBL.  I find myself wondering "Will I ever look normal?, will I always be a freak?"

It takes a long time for our mental image to catch up to the physical reality.  I think plastics has to throw that even further out of whack.  They say in politics that perception is reality.  In our case we have to work in reverse - we have to make reality our perception.

Spend some time with your body.  Take a look at yourself in the mirror - both in and out of clothes.  Study yourself and become familiar with who you are now - physically.  Tell yourself that you look good.  Congratulate yourself on the hard work you have put in and all that you have achieved.  Your body is the hallmark of that accomplishment.

As I transition to maintenance and start planning the final rounds of my own transformation - I am starting to think that weight loss was the easy part.  Dealing with what comes after is the challenge.

 I could see how your husbands comment probably didn't help. I am sure he didn't mean it in a mean way but was probably surpirsed like yourself. They look really really good though and still pretty big I think. You must have had biggums before :)

I think you look beautiful and it might just take a while to adjust to the knew you :) I don't have personal experience to offer (yet) but I just wanted to say they look really great and still look nice and full!

I don't think anyone could say it better then Robert just did.... Hang in there!

 I can relate to your feelings of loosing your femininity with the breast reduction. After all, breasts are a unique female feature, which are a prominent part of our bodies. I had a breast reduction when I was 21. It was the the strangest feeling, with over 10lbs of weight removed, and having them perky and lifted without a bra, a no longer hanging on my stomach. They were taunt while the rest of me sagged. It took me a while to get used to the new look. I was very self conscious of them, but happy with my choice.

Unfortunately, when I did the reduction, from a DD to a C, I was still heavy, and had gained even more since, so they grew and sagged again. Now, at 38 and after losing almost 80lbs, they are little more than deflated water balloons. They are so small. I went from a size DD, to now an A/B cup, and resort to a padded push up which I still can't seem to fill the top portion, even with inserts. It is very depressing and a slap to my most feminine feature. To add insult to injury, my husband is also a breast man, and told me not to lose my breasts, when I told him of my decision to have wls. Well, like that was something I could control! Anyway, I am hoping to have a body contour lift in the future, and hope they will be lifted somewhat too, so they are at least perky again, without saggy, wrinkled skin. Best thing I can say, is it does take time to get adjusted to the new you. Once you discover you can now wear those cute little bra's off the rack, that only fit the size 0-14 girls, instead of the ones from a box or the ones that are so big, you can wear it as a helmet, you will feel so much better. 

To me, transitioning from a heavy cotton support bra, to a cute wire push up with pretty designs helped me to feel my feminine side again. Just in a smaller prettier design.