When Someone Calls You an "Inspiration"

I have been hearing the word inspiration in reference to my weight loss lately from people who know that I had surgery and from people who don't know.  I don't know why but something internally goes haywire when people use that word.  Sure, it's been hard work and focus plus the help of my VSG tool that has helped me lose 191 pounds and be just 9 pounds away from my first goal in 9 months.....which I get is inspiring to people but does it excuse the fact that for 20 plus years I fed myself to oblivion so much so that I got to pretty much 400 pounds?  That's hardly inspiring.  I get that it's inspiring for others to see someone who is so large get much smaller but the fact remains that I got that big all of my own doing....and it feels a little strange to hear people reference me as an inspiration.

So what's your take?  How do you manage this?  Is there a way to re-frame what they are saying so that it changes my point of view?

I never really sought to be an "inspiration" but I guess I get that feeling when I think of some of the vets here i.e their hard work inspires me to stick with it.  Know what I mean?

i think, if you can overcome a situation (that maybe you got yourself into) and make the choice to better yourself then you are an inspiration. Even if someone sees you better your life and they decide that seeing someone elses good choices helps them them make a good choice of their own is inspiring! It sucks know that you maybe ate yourself to your weight, but you chose to take the steps to get it off instead of letting it kill you. that's something to be very proud of!!!

I would say that if any of us started this to be an inspiration to others, that would be the most ****** up thing of all.

As far as re-framing what they are saying, I would posit that the issue is not what they are saying, but what you are hearing.  There are two parts to any communication - what is transmitted and what is received.  The two are frequently different.

When you hear them all you an inspiration, part of you is turning that into blame.  It sounds as if the part of your internal conversation is "Well I wouldn't have to lose it if I had never gained it in the first place".  While that may be true, is it really relevant to the conversation?  However you gained your weight in the first place, its the fact that you are turning it around that is the topic of the conversation and what is providing the inspiration.

Would you tell a kid working three jobs to move out of the projects and get an education that it was his fault for being poor in the first place?  Would you tell a cancer survivor that their courage facing their disease wouldn't be necessary if they had never gotten sick?  Cut yourself the same break.

Maybe what you are hearing is your own internalized guilt or resentment over having gotten so far out of shape in the first place.  However you got to the point that you had to do this is irrelevant now.  You have learned a whole new lifestyle and made amazing changes.  Take the compliment with the spirit with which it is being offered.

Hey,

I may have been one of the people that called you an 'inspiration' and if I didn't then I meant to, because you totally are.  I've seen your fitness pal, and from what I've seen you have been very strict in the kinds of foods you eat, and the amount of exercise that you do.  You did have a surgery, but that's only one part of it right?  You are the one who has set limits (I noticed you don't eat carbs like crackers, bread etc) and pushes yourself to do the exercise (swimming laps).  That's a lot of work!  So you deserve kudos for your dedication and success.  I say just enjoy it be proud!

Elena

What's inspiring is how you are dealing with the situation.  Lots of people are overweight -- some of us more than others.  And lots of people struggle to lose much smaller amounts -- so they have a baseline of what it takes to lose weight and keep it off.

To lose the amount of weight we have to lose, and to keep it off, does make other people think they can do it as well.  Or they compare it to some other problem in their life, and think that if we can overcome our weight problem, they can overcome their problem.

I think a lot of people who provide "inspiration" to others are uncomfortable in that role, for a variety of reasons.You could have continued along your old path -- which would have easier and maybe ended up at 450 -- but you didn't.  You made a hard choice, and stuck to it.  And that is inspirational!

 Sometimes I think we are too hard on ourselves, and focus on the bad stuff (like I am overweight), instead of celebrating the things we do right (taking control of our lives and making the change).

Yep, you are an inspiration, and I hope I can be one someday!  (LOL - so you are an inspiration and a role model now!)

I agree with all the above. You turned your life around through determination and commitment. Sleeve made it more doable but you still had to stay the course. You have lost twice what I need to, and my goal can feel completely overwhelming!!

robs post I think was spot on. You're still coming from a place of shame about where you were. Part of that was your choices, part how your body reacted to those choices.  And what drove those choices is due to many complexities all related to being human.

Some people never take the first step to  find a way to health. Some would never give up being able to eat to their hearts content.

I hope when people tell you that you can say "thank you" and then just beam with pride and happiness! That is my wish for you.

Let it in and let go of years of shame!!

Christina

I feel the same way you do some days. Alot of my coworkers say that i am an inspiration and other sweet things. I just smile and say thank you. but at my desk i wonder what i do thats inspirational. i am not 100% great at eating, i am not a positive person most of the time, i dont regularly exercise but then i have to stop and just appreciate that people take the time to comment, they think about me in a positive way even if i dont always feel that way. if i look at how far ive come its seriously amazing! i would never have done it without the sleeve and i am an inspiration to myself when i look at it this way. surgery was kinda scary and kinda exciting and i had to be brave and strong to go through with it than stay the way i was.

I totally get you. Sometimes the word makes me cringe - but Rob nailed it on the head.

It's a reflection of my own inner thoughts, guilt, shame and disgust that makes it sometimes feel like a negative thing. For me right now, I'm in a serious funk and going through a tough mental struggle, and I feel like i have to fight hard every single day just to avoid gaining weight - so when I hear inspiration, I think "really, me, screwing everything up?"

But the fact is - we have done something, accomplished something very very incredible. Most Americans struggle to lose 5-10 lbs - and here we are, blowing through those kinds of numbers. There is nothing easy - WLS or not - of losing this amount of weight. And I think what makes it remarkable for those of us that started at a higher BMI is that for the most part - we have had to overcomea lot more than some of the lightweights (and not to diminish anyone's weight loss at all) in terms of mental and physical challenges. To me, that makes us an inspiration. It's a daily challenge for me to accept that fact that I can be and am an inspiration for others - but part of this process is learning to flip the switch from the negative, self deprecating thoughts that have plagued us.

the inspiring  part is you did something about it. yes it was u that got u fat, but u did something to change all that. hold your head up high and take the compliments.

People see you lose weight and it motivates them to conquer their own issues. 

I am sorry that you are uncomfortable about it but you should hold your head, be proud of yourself, smile and say thank you. 

:)

SandyfromNJ

Surgery on Monday.