When People Say "Stop Losing"

It is starting to happen every now and then that a friend or relative makes a comment about how great I look and how I should stop losing. I quietly explain to them that I am nearly done but that I have 14 pounds left to lose to a healthy BMI....and 28 pounds until my final goal of 150 pounds (this would give me a BMI of 22.8 which is just above the middle of the healthy BMI range for my height of 5'8).  When I say this to people they act alarmed and express concerns about how losing another 14-28 pounds would make me look too thin and some of them even comment that maybe I have become obsessed with hitting a perfect number.

I guess I don't get it? 

Do you run a marathon just to quit 3 steps before the finish line?

Do you go to an epic movie and purposely walk out of the theatre before the big finish?

Why when I am still losing weight would I say let's stop here?  Why would I be ok with remaining overweight when I could very possibly be at a healthy weight for the first time in my life.

Everyone tells me it's only my extra skin that keeps me 14 pounds overweight at this point.  They tell me to have my plastics consult and see what the surgeon thinks.  I tell them I will go see my plastic surgeon when I am at 164 for a consult. 

It's starting to become annoying.  If i had been only 14 pounds overweight my entire life and told people I was trying to lose it they'd all be encouraging and supportive but now that I have lost 212 pounds...another 14-28 pounds makes me obsessed and anorexic? 

I am not obsessed.  I am determined and focused.  If that equates an obsession in their eyes then so be it!

Does anyone else meet this critcism?

I think ppl react that way because they are not comfortable with you being skinny. Don't listen to them. Sounds like you have a good plan with the plastics consult. Btw unless you have a TON of extra skin there is no way it weighs 14 lbs! Trust me. I've worked in a place before that used to get the skin after tummy tuck plastics. Never have I seen 14 lbs. But that doesnt mean it hasnt happened. Like I said you would have to have a TON of extra.

Just politely ignore them.

Here's the deal: people tend to judge weight and health in others first by facial appearance. That's a human instinct thing that we have to make a conscious decision not to do it.

Folks who lose a large amount of weight tend to get a gaunt look in their face for a while, as it's an easy non-threatening place for the body to let go of fat. It does even back out after a period of time in maintenance, but it's a normal thing. It's likely your face looks a little gaunt, and the contrast is probably especially strong since if you're like me you used to have a pretty round face due to the weight.

I started hearing this while my weight was still in the obese category.

I certainly have no experience in the extreme weight loss area yet since I am just shy of 4 weeks post op but I say do whatever makes you happy. If stay focused on this goal you have made for yourself is what you want, do it. I think that people just like to criticize, fat or skinny...people always seem to find something to complain about. Tell them to worry about themselves! I am sure you look great!

Ignore. You are my hero, I am your height and also want to see 150 before I make any decisions. Keep going, be strong and blaze the trail I am following!

I love your points about running and the movie.

Just curious if the comments are being made by family or friends or co-workers?

Sadly, I remember I said this to someone about a year and a half ago, she had lost 89 pounds and she was saying she had 30 more to go. I didn't tell her to stop losing, but I told her she looked great and didn't need to lose any more. I didn't realize what I was saying at the time. When I started investigating surgery I became more supportive of her weight loss goals and tried to provide support without judgement. When I made my remark, I was self-obsessed with my own weight problem and was really just projecting the fact that I would have been satisfied to have lost 89 pounds at that point. So, I wonder if these comments are coming from people who are at a healthy weight?

That is good info to know about the face losing fat first.

I have that same problem...and I will tell you it frustrates me so badly. In 2010 my sister had lap-band...it has taken her almost 3 years to lose to her goal weight. People want to compare me to her...I was at goal months ago, and I'm not even a year out from surgery (Jan. 11th will be one year)...I get told I look too skinny...I weigh 150lbs...I am 5'6...for my height I'm still considered to be kind of overweight for my height. People are so used to us being bigger that they now think we are unhealthy, when in the "real" world...we are getting to be healthier than we was before. I get so mad and irritated when I'm compared to my sister, and now that I am almost 20lbs smaller than her I'm hearing it from her big time complaining I'm too skinny, I need to gain weight, blah, blah, blah. I pretty much went full blown mean on a family member the other night for trying to compare me and my sister. For one, my sister had her surgery just because, she had no health issues...she acts, dresses, and does everything totally different now. I had mine due to health issues, I'm still uncomfortable wearing tight fitting clothing, low cut shirts, and I still just want to be comfortable. I exercise and do so much more now than I did before...she doesn't...and then where I lost my hair and she didn't I'm told I should have never had that surgery, it has ruined my health, I'm so pale, blah, blah, blah. When in reality before surgery I had low iron and b12 and I was always pale! It's amazing the little things people try to point out, after you've had something like this done. 

While I am here waiting for surgery, I do know that people in our lives do NOT like change whatsoever. Friends and family are uncomfortable with it because they do not think you will be the same person skinny as you are when you are big. I think a lot of the time when we are bigger, we focus on others by paying attention to them and doing things for them but once you start your WL journey, you are more in tune with yourself and need things done for YOU! So they dont like that change. They will get a sense we are being selfish too!

I have dealt with this in regards to moving, yep moving! My friends and family didn't like my career choice to take a job that had me traveling every few months and living out of a hotel. Why? Because it required change! My address changed. My availability to them changed! Crazy, I know!

So it should be real interesting to see how my WL journey goes. It will be a sure fire change since I now live 3000 miles away from them and only see them 2-3x per year now! Hopefully by next Christmas I will be at my goal weight and they will be gawking!!!!

So do what you are doing and go on! They're jealous and scared!

Thanks for posting! I am waiting to see the Shrink now! Should be interesting and I may use this as a topic of discussion! LOL

maybe it would not hurt to see your surgeon and see what he thinks, maybe your goal weight is wrong , the charts are only a guide , maybe you are better at 15 lb heavier  or maybe you need to lose 30 lbs to be healthy 

Where were these people when you were gaining weight. Did any of them express concern for your health or tell you to stop gaining because it's unhealthy? Did any of them offer to help and support you to lose weight before your surgery? Probably not. My standard line for people you describe, including family, is "my weight is not up for discussion."

You don't need to explain or justify yourself to anyone.