An Addiction I never Realized I had!

Rob, my taste buds apparently change just from reading your description.  I knew I was in trouble early on in your post and had to skip a few lines for sanity sake.  You are right, we are addicts and that doesn't every fully resolve.  The other issue is that all humans are pre-programmed to want sweet and fat, we also have a pathological addiction on top of the natural craving and my guess is that most of us have super sensitive (or way more than normal) taste buds.  I remember reading as study about it somewhere.

"I, however, do not grow the almonds or pistachios - LOL."  Slacker!   ;)

But seriously ... 

Thank you for posting about your experience.  You and other veterans here are treasures of BTDT and caution. 

I do have a question:  is it easier now, out this far from  your surgery, to shut those triggers down with swiftness and force?   Do you knee-jerk better and more quickly now to realize what's happening and do something about it?  Does that make any sense at all???

I won't speak for all of the vets - I am after all only 15 months out and still a relative newbie...

For me its not about shutting down the triggers, forcefully or otherwise.  The triggers will never go away - They will always be there in one form or another.  Its really about being mindful about what you are doing, recognizing behaviors and employing new tools to deal with the situations more effectively.

In a very real sense living with a food issue is like living in jungle full of quicksand.  When you fall into the quicksand, you have two methods of dealing with it - one option, you can thrash around and sink yourself more quickly.  The other approach is to go all zen on its ass - don't fight it, recognize it and accept it.  Then you can calmly reach for the rope and pull yourself out.

The hard part is recognizing when you are in the quicksand.

There was a message there somewhere... *shrug*

Chocolate! Dude, you MAKE YOUR OWN? I must talk to my DH, he's slacking... luckily it's not a trigger for me, but I do eat one small bit and give the rest to the other family members if I'm in "gimme chocolate or die right this #$#@#$ minute" mode. :)

BTW kidding about the shrug... totally get what you're saying. I've thrown out stuff and ticked off the whole family because it was calling my name. It's either trash in the garbage disposal or trash in my stomach and on my hips...

Amen!

Believe it or not--chocolate doesn't do anything for me post VSG.

Okay, one kind does. I still love Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.  Not that I've had many, but I've had a couple and know not to do that any more.

But other chocolate? Meh.

AND YET. I have other triggers. We all do, I'm sure.

And the other thing--I've found that for no reason that I can discern--not stress or hormone related, for example--something that hasn't been a trigger can suddenly explode on me.  A carton of ice cream that had been in the freezer for weeks, and suddenly I was eating out of it with a spoon.

I will say this, though. This is what I take away from what you wrote--the most important thing. Those triggers? In almost every case it was because I allowed myself to "taste" something I knew I shouldn't taste.

Just like you knew not to taste that candy you were making.

Bam!

What I hope that people take from this story is to be mindful all the time.  Many of you have heard me say many times that there is no failure as long as you recognize your behavior and learn from it.  What I learned this time was to not assume that because something was never a trigger for me before doesn't mean that it can't be one now or again in the future some time.

I think the important thing is recognizing when something is getting out of hand.  I would never have tasted the candy during weight loss.  I had more than met my protein and calorie goals last night.  Having a piece of candy was no big deal for my weight management at this point.  It wasn't about eating off plan - there was probably 20 or fewer calories in what I ate (my nutritional analysis on this chocolate recipe is 105 calories per ounce (2 g of protein, 6g of fat, 16 g of carbs (13 sugar)) it was nowhere near an ounce.

What was dangerous was how it made me feel.  The almost instantaneous addictive response.  The drive to mindlessly have more.  To get out and try a whole spoon full of the molten chocolate, not just the bite.  The fact that it was on my mind the rest of the night and first thing this morning.  I probably dreamed about chocolate last night and just don't remember it.

One taste was just not enough.  There was no satisfying that feeling.  This wasn't emotional eating.  This was full on naked addiction.

Wow, and I thought I was a domestic type foodie. I have made my own bread in the past, but I have never made my own graham crackers or chocolate. I do home canning and dehydrating though, pickles (homegrown) jams, brandied cranberries, and jerky, just to name a few. But just like with coffee, you win

Hey Rob......

Your gonna need my FedEx number.......???????

frisco