Rant......I think my first ever.....Addicted to Food
Let me preface by saying I'm a recovering food addict. And I am not ashamed to admit it anymore. If you are not a food addict Frisco, then I can't tell you how happy I am for you, because it's no picnic. But let me share a little of my journey with you, and maybe you might think a little more about the subject.
Between the ages of say 12 and 32 I was 100 % unable to control how I used food, and I was dependent on it to cope with daily life. I ate food for comfort, for fun, for entertainment, out of boredom or in celebration. Food was my one constant companion. I ate myself all the way up to 522 lbs, because I was unable to put down the fork. I would often think to myself while I was eating that I should stop. That the food was killing me. I woke up in the morning in agonizing pain because the joints in my knees and ankles were so swollen and painful under my tremendous weight that they could hardly hold me up. I couldn't lay down to sleep because I felt the crushing weight of my fat on top of me and it felt like I was suffocating. I knew I should stop eating. I knew I should loose the weight. But I didn't stop... I got up in the middle of the night and snuck out of the house to get food, and ate it in the car before i went back inside the house. Taco Bell did not invent 4th meal...that was ALL ME. And 5th and 6th meal as well. I kept mints and gum in my pockets at all times so that my food breath wouldn't give away my eating secret. I lied about how much food I ate and how often I ate it. I lied to my children, my parents, and myself. I spent money to buy food that I should have spent for other things. I would start thinking of my next meal, before I had even finished eating the one in front of me. I rationalized my over eating. I would say things like ..."It's a party! You have to eat at a party, you know, just to be social! " ...." Oh, It's Sunshine's Birthday? Here, I made a cake! Lets go out to dinner to celebrate!".... "It's my time of the month. I'm craving chocolate. It helps the PMS."...."I'm so lonely and depressed. I'm going to make a cheesecake to cheer myself up".....etc. I continued to do the same things over and over and over again, even in the face of dire consequences (the very definition of addiction) for 20 years.
Now take out the words food addict and replace them with alcoholic. Take out food and eating with alcohol and drinking, and you have the same condition. It's addiction, plain and simple.
Like any addict who wishes to overcome their addiction, I sought treatment. First came the IN PATIENT eating disorders clinic at age 18 (Rehab?) then some psychotherapy (out patient rehab?) to help me understand why I was choosing to make myself unwell, and to learn how to cope with life's ups and downs without Cake. or cookies, or pie, or tacos, or lasagna or pretty much everything I have a weakness for. Then I saw a nutritionist to help me learn what to eat, and how much, and I continue to talk with her even now, when I feel myself slipping (a Sponsor perhaps?). Then came the support groups (like AA meetings)... Lastly, and not one but twice, was WLS. The alcoholic might need a liver transplant to fix the damage she's done to herself. The only real difference between an alcoholic and myself is that the alcoholic must completely abstain from alcohol for the rest of her life in order to get well, but I can't completely abstain from food. I have to learn what, when, how much, etc and follow the plan for the rest of my life. I will take it one day at a time, or even one meal at a time, until I conquer this ***** because I know that If I can't do that, I will fall back into those old habits, and the best I can hope for is that I will have "been less fat for a year or two."
It sounds to me like you are upset that people claiming to be addicted to food are making excuses, (and I believe it IS an excuse until someone steps up to the plate and chooses to change their life) and that their claims in some way diminish your struggle because you do not choose that label for yourself. I disagree. I don't think my experience has any bearing whatsoever on your journey. How you (or me for that matter) got here is irrelevant. The fact remains that we need each other's support. We need to find comfort and understanding and reassurance, and a swift kick in the ass in these forums, and among these strangers to whom we confess the most shameful of our weaknesses. If on the contrary what we find is judgment, intolerance and loathing, then what the hell do we keep coming back for? We can get that right outside our collective doors.
I am now and always will be addicted to food. I struggle to make the right choices everyday, but so far, I am making them consistently.
If anyone else identifies with my journey, please add me as a friend. We can get through this **** together.
Jeannette.
Thanks for the write up.....
So..... reading your thoughtful post......
I could have wrote that first part...... all except the PMS part (sometimes I wonder) and I never went in for any treatment.......
I would eat cause it was raining..... or if I saw someone eating something good on TV..... not even a food commercial....
I'm the guy that went into my surgeons office..... signed up for WLS...... stopped for take out at two different restaurants and All Star Donuts on the way home...... spent all night eating and reading OH......... thinking 3oz. of food.... really.....as I was eating 3oz. bites....
Was I, am I a food addict ???
I'm not trying to discount your issues and I commend you on your efforts and success.......
frisco
SW 338lbs. GW 175lbs. Goal in 11 months. CW 148lbs. WL 190lbs.
" To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art "
VSG Maintenance Group Forum
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/VSGM/discussion/
CAFE FRISCO at LapSF.com
Dr. Paul Cirangle
Food Addict is what I choose to call it for me. It's fine by me if you have the same behaviors and choose to call it something else, or nothing at all. I respect your choice either way. And I respect your experiences and expertise.
On my way home from the surgeon's office, after the initial consult, I stopped at In-n-out for 2 double double meals, then pulled into baskin robbins for a sundae with all the fixin's..cause I was celebrating the decision to have WLS, and my Sundae days were almost over...
And Sorry about the long winded reply previously all I can offer is that ...a) brevity is not my strong suit, and b) it honestly didn't look like a dissertation in that cute little box....
:)
I think there is a difference between people who shove their mouth full of junk simply because they want to eat, are "addicted" to the sugars/fats, etc and have no self control and people who engage in the same behaviors as a coping mecahnism for deeper underlying problems. The one thing I might agree with is that there are a bunch of excuses for why we don't/won't reach goal and maintain a healthy weight, but some of us have a more issues along the way...there's no room to compare what each of us has been through and how it impacts our WL journeys. There's only one reality: this **** aint easy for anyone.
www.sexyskinnybitch.wordpress.com - my journey to sexy skinny bitch status
11/16/12 - Got my Body by Sauceda - arms, Bl/BA, LBL, thigh lift.
HW 420/ SW 335 /CW 200 
85 lbs lost pre-op / 135 post op
~~~~Alison~~~~~
Lap Band 2006
I really don't know if I have an addiction to food or if I just love food and use it for comfort or what the deal was with food. I really don't know. The only thing I am sure of is that I had insatiable hunger that started first thing in the morning and did not stop until I went to bed. I planned all my days around my food intake. I ate when I felt sad, grumpy, stressed, happy, you name it. I would always get hungry again after about 30 min. of eating. I remember stopping off and buying a full grande burrito that was at least a few thousand calories and I would follow that up with a trip to BR for their large milkshake. If Alan would go out of town, I would order a large pizza and eat the whole thing in one night. I could go on and on and on, but I am sure you all could write this post for me. You have all been there.
I think what gets Frisco ranting is that people use their "addiction" self-diagnosis as an excuse to eat off plan and also as a way to say that they had it harder than someone else. The bottom line is we all have it hard, really hard, or we would not choose such a drastic intervention. I don't really care what people tell themselves about their issues, I want everyone to get past this and get better. What ever helps them do that is OK with me.
I think many people think it couldn't have been as hard for me because I seem to have it together now, let me tell you, it was and is hard and I work really hard to keep what I got and I intend to keep working at this forever. I don't really know if I am a food or carb addict, I don't really care. I know that I am going to be successful no matter what and that I am determined to continue to eat on program even all these years out. That's all this is really about for me.
Yes, I'd say some of you are "food addicts." I've never jumped out of bed to run to a fast food joint in the middle of the night. When I left my surgeons office I came home and had a protein shake. I'd go days with only eating one meal a day and having my 24 oz. quad mocha in the morning. Food has never controlled me. I gained most of my weight when pregnant, from numerous medications and a lot of my weight has been from water.
I think that a food addict will have a much harder time traveling this journey. I was addicted to coffee just as people can be addicted to food. It's a real disease. If you were more open to other people and their experiences than maybe you'd see it??
Good Luck with that,
Hilary
Thanks......
I expected a comment like that from you ......
I'm not the one that needs the luck !
frisco
SW 338lbs. GW 175lbs. Goal in 11 months. CW 148lbs. WL 190lbs.
" To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art "
VSG Maintenance Group Forum
http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/VSGM/discussion/
CAFE FRISCO at LapSF.com
Dr. Paul Cirangle
