HOPE

One of the greatest things I have gained with my upcoming WLS is “HOPE”. Just a few months ago I was looking at buying larger clothes because the seams of what I had been wearing were beginning to scream for mercy. There was just no hope that I would ever go the other direction. I have been so sedentary and my weight has just crept up for so many years that I was resigned to dying obese. I just had no hope for a better day as far as my health is concerned. Just no hope that I would be able to enjoy some of the simple things in life again. Or, no thought of not being relegated to sitting on a bench while the rest of my family was able to enjoy various activities. Just no hope of returning to a normal life. Or, deceiving myself by saying "Oh, you guy's enjoy the amusement park (or the mall, boardwalk, etc), I just want to hang out here and watch people!" Or some other such nonsense. It is almost like the reality was so bad that it was easier to create a new "normal" way of life rather than doing something about the reality of “my” life. Just no hope for it to get better and being resigned to an ever declining quality of life. No Hope. At least in a physical sense.

I have been very active mentally because I could not be active physically. Since 2006, I have earned 3 post graduate degrees and am almost finished with my Doctorate. I could do this, because I was not doing anything else. My excuse would be that I was not mentally lazy, just physically lazy. I now have "Hope", that in the not to distant future I will be able to amble about freely as I used to. In my profession, I have a lot of credentials. But, *****ally wants a Pastor that is 450 lbs and needs to sit on his derrière all the time? Hope! I now have hope that in the not too distant future, that will no longer be my reality. I can see a time, where I can return to a normal way of life; which will allow me to more easily do the work I love doing. Hope!

How did I ever allow this to become my reality? Oh, it first started with a back injury when I was a young man. I was a big strapping man who could do the work of two people with ease. One day, I picked up something that was even too heavy for me and tore a muscle in my back. Ever since then, every time I would work hard I would end up on my back for a couple of days. I was a nice 6'4" man with a 36" waist. The next thing I knew; I was buying bigger pants! Then I needed 2xl shirts! Before long, I ended up needing to buy bigger and bigger clothing and began fooling myself that shopping online was more convenient; never-mind that the stores don't carry clothes for a "Colossus"! Hope! I now have hope of being able to return to a normal way of life even when it comes to something as simple as buying clothing. Hope.

What about longevity of life? I have a wonderful loving relationship with my wife. She has never treated me with anything other than loving respect. But, She is sure to be a widow much too early if I don’t do something. She made a remark to me last night about my upcoming surgery that revealed that she also has a new hope where I am concerned. I have wondered many times "why" I was here in Tennessee. I think that now I know why. Perhaps this time in my life was meant for this tremendous undertaking that is bringing a renewed hope to me and my wife. I have a long way to go as you can see by my ticker. But because of this new hope, I anticipate a day on the horizon where my reality will be different than it is today.

Forgive me for rambling a bit again today. But, if you can identify with me. I say that there is hope for a normal way of life for us. Hope for a better life. Hope for being able to participate in life rather than watching as it passes us by. That motivates me; I hope it motivates you too.
 

GREAT POST! You will be so happy when the weight starts to fall off. I prayed hard about this surgery and I was scared. I even cancelled once and rescheduled to give myself some extra time to heal. I could have done it the first date. Healing was not nearly as bad as healing from my knee surgery two years ago. You will do great and your wife will be a very supportive cook, I'm sure. Good luck to you and let us all know how it goes. A positive attitude will help you with the surgery and the recovery. I was pleasantly surprised that I was feeling good and walking the halls 7 hours after my surgery. I went home less than 24 hours later and have followed my surgeon and nutritionists plan and I have been successful! This is a life change and it is life changing!!

This is very nice to read. You have a great attitude.

Glad you have found hope. Being lost in hopelessness is dreadful. Hang on to your hope. It will see you through - but I suppose you know that already.....

It is absolutely lovely to hear about you're journey and the new found hope your wife and you share; thank you for sharing. I wish nothing but the best, and hope to see you on the losers bench soon!

I couldn't agree more with your post. My hope is found in nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness! So glad I finally get to honor Him with my body now!

you know, that's just how i used to feel....hopeless....i admire that you at least used your brain and got all those degrees! congrats on those accomplishments!!  Me, i sat around playing  Farmville for hours on end....omg, how pathetic...that's where i got my feelings of accomplishment - getting a virtual barn built for my virtual cows LOL.  sad but true. 

but now i have hope that my and my hubbys future will be active, fun, more interesting, and living it to the best we can.  You are dotng a wonderful thing for yourself, and your wife...you'll be around longer, you'll be happier (so she'll be happier)...

best of luck to you! when is your surgery date?

ps i am still playing games, BUT only at times when I need to keep my hands busy with something other than food.

I too used the excuse of wanting to sit and watch people go by...instead of participating in life due to my weight, oxygen use, and pain. I too have the hope you so eloquently speak of. I have gotten rid of the daytime oxygen and am working on the other issues...thank you again for writing what so many of us live. I finally feel like I am getting my life and my family back. 

You are doing such good things for your body, mind and soul.  Keep it up! 

Hi

I am very excited for you and glad you have hope for great changes in the near future. I know that you are not happy that you have gotten to the point if needing surgery. But at this point in time it makes sense to think about all the great outcomes and changes. Yes your relationship with food will change but hopefully it will be for the better. I feel so free from wanting to eat large quantities. It is so nice being satisfied with small amounts and tastes. Yes there are times when I'm thinking oh this is really yummy I wish I could eat a little more. But those times are very rare. And I've found the rewards from the weightloss are just so great that they completely outweigh the downsides of the surgery.

You've mentioned that you are not excited for the surgery - but I'm excited for you. In those first few months post surgery when the weight loss is fast you right away feel better and look better too. I swear it was like Xmas every morning running to the scale. And since you like meats I think you will do well in making the sleeve work for you. As long as you make good choices you will feel full and satisfied on small amounts. Good luck with everything and looking forward to hearing about your results.

Stephanie