2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY(embarrassingly ass long it turns out)

Oh my,

I was just responding to someone's post and i looked at my surgery date and realized it's been 2 whole years.  Darn, seems like longer.  Seems like this is the way i have lived forever.

I was a revision.  I had a band that i loved (since it kept me from eating)and lost most of my (within 25lbs) weight with, then it failed and i got the sleeve.  I will say the sleeve is the surgery i thought i was having with the band.  No, I'm not abjectly stupid but the way it was described "Your appetite will decrease, you won't be able to eat much,etc, etc was what i was expecting with the band.  The sourcing a bathroom  every time  I ate out and judging was i close enough to one to make it,  sliming, choking sometimes not being able to swallow water, the fills every few months and the subsequent realization that i did not want to live like that forever brought me to the sleeve.

The sleeve was hard going, since i'd kept my band really tight always and as a result had wrecked my metabolism.  I also had my band loosened for surgery and gained weight back. To be truthful was happy to eat since i hadn't eaten anything without a struggle for awhile, so i again had weight to lose but only about 60lbs. 

Well it was not the walk in the park i had expected.  I did the whole 600-800, 40 carb thing and expected it to fall off.  It did at about 1lb per week right from the get go and never picked up.  I had a ton of testing done and discovered that my muscle ratio was so low ((see tight band again, too few calories to exercise...okay I hate exercise but it's my story and let's just say this is the reason) that i could not lose.  My team wanted me to go up in cals carbs but at that point i was so terrified of not losing that i was sorta stuck, so I soldiered on. 

The one piece of advice I have and i give it reluctantly because we as WLS folks go crazy if we don't lose every couple of days, so this advice is not for when you know your nuts and your body is catching up, or for the 3 weeks or 3 month stall but for when you are well and truly in the trenches, doing everything right and it's not shifting.  Listen to your body and see what it wants.  FYI it never wants potato chips or bread or pasta, or sugar just in case you thought it might be, but it might want 100 more calories from a yogurt or an apple, some grapes or something it hasn't seen in a while. It might want more fiber, like kale or for you to chop up something green, delicious and nutritious even though you know it's not going to keep you full for the amount of time some dense fiber will, you'll still get 11/2 hours and it may just be what your body needs.  The high math thing we get to doing when we're focused, sometimes needs a little nudging.  do not be terrified of an apple.  Believe me i wish I'd had less fear, but after years of saying "A little won't hurt", I was not going down that road.  I wish i'd gotten braver sooner but for those of you following i was over a year out before i started looking for a plan that worked better, so please, this really is for those, who've found the tried and true had not been so true to them.  It is also my personal experience.

I did feel all through the journey however that my body was missing carbs and if i added a few i would do better but fear stopped me, because i'd lost really well with  more balanced diet many times before.  At about 18 months of compliance, and losing now 1/2 a month i said **** it and started adding in an apple here, a latte there and my loss improved to the point where i found myself at 20 months under goal, underweight and considering gaining some, which i won't do willfully because it seems like something that will totally screw with my head.  I'd like to gain 7-10 and lord knows i know how to gain but for right now i satisfy my appetite and eat what i want and have wine.

I will say when i said i added carbs i should explain that i don't eat processed food at all.  The only thing from a carton i eat is Fage Greek yogurt.  The only thing i miss is bread but my capacity is what it was at 3 months and the few times i've given into the whole piece of bread before dinner, it became dinner because it stuffed me.

I like not having to worry about food.  It's not total and i make a plan every day and i clean my house of all crap because God knows at 3am chocolate will still call from the  pantry. Let me just say to all of you who cook for families and have to keep stocked up for other peoples appetites, I BOW BEFORE YOU IN HUMILITY, because I couldn't ******g do it. Big Kudos to the mom's, yet another platinum star for you guys.

I do stay away from things which are good for me but i can eat my weight in, nuts, beans, go figure but they go down like potato chips used to.

I still take an hour on the weekend to cook for the week so I'm never wondering what i will eat, it's there. 

I do make it interesting but there's always several different flavored chicken thighs because that's the whole ******g food thing done for 4 hours.  Yes i get resentful that i have to still think of it everyday every couple of hours and that i have to plan.  For a period of time there toward the end i was incredibly resentful that it was so much work.  I'd be out shopping and wanted to go in and have a bite and it wasn't on my plan and i thought "What the hell did i do this  for if i can't have room space to live"  but it did all settle down. 

I was over a year then and i have to tell you, LOSE IT AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN  within health parameters because you get really ******g fed up with the effort when you're fitting into clothes and everyone is saying "Oh you don't need to lose more"  forget, it and them.  Soldier on and get to your dream weight because even though mine was too low for me to begin with, getting there made it the first time in my life that i had actually made a weight goal, despite a lifetime of  dieting. I wasn't wowed immediately but it is something i have and i did and that is something.

I still have to quicken my step when i pass the local (make that 6 local and superb) bakeries within a one block radius from my house because i could easily and that's pretty much going to be with me forever.  some days are better than others but all are better than before. 

I don't look as good as I'd like because i am too thin but i'm pretty social and not particularly disciplined so for me i still keep my eating clean during the week.  Three protein meals, Shrimp, chicken, yogurt and then three high fiber veggie snacks.  Right now Kale is king, but brussel sprouts, cabbage asparagus, peas and onions, whatever is the fancy of the week but something i love because i make enough for a week and eat it for a week.  I probably have an apple or grapes or whatever too.  Something innocuous always on hand.

On the weekends it's what i want but in fairness i have to say although i think of it like this it's not really true.  I start each day off with a doctored up Greek yogurt and then I'll have a veggie snack and then I'll maybe do half a quest bar but what ever it is  I'm keeping my calories for dinner and wine and until i wrote this i thought my weekends were free for all but they are not.  I eat pretty frugally, so i can have dinner, which i eat over time.  Generally an arugula salad, with cherry tomatoes, some fish and then i pick at whatever i want but not usually desert, maybe cheese of something. It's sounding really boring but it's generally what i choose from a menu and prepared by a great chef, so i guess having limited capacity also helps with the most tastes i can fit into my little sleeve, and there must be protein, so no room for what used to do me in before, french fries, dessert, bread, fried anything but really i'm talking delicious food but it sure does seem ass up boring as i read it in black and white, oh and don't forget it's accompanied by wine.

I guess the biggest thing or one of them that i think i got from this, is that i eat the way most women who watch their figures eat.   I never really got this before since i was either eating or on a diet.  so if I've had a big weekend, I have a clean week.  Go figure!

I still love food and eating and that's going nowhere.  That  is with   me forever and it's never going to be just nutrition and it's never going to be a tiny part of life so i have to figure out how to tame the beast every day, because at this point in my ass old life, the beast is here, the beast is me, the beast is here to stay, so keeping it in the cage is daily.  I'll also say for me is that i can't let myself get hungry.  If i do i make bad choices and even though i cannot eat a lot, hunger makes me stupid and go beyond what i need because my full reflex is slow, so while at 2 years out i know I'm overdoing it, the sheer pleasure of eating will make me keep going and deal with the consequences.  Not pleasant and not any better this far out.  So yeah hunger bad, makes you think of bad delicious naughtiness.  Don't do it.

Oh yes lest I forget the all important weight.  I move between 102-105 and I'm 5'4, so yeah i'd like to pick up a few but like i said, I'm not pushing it either way.

thanks for the encouragement! i really need it to read this, at this moment, thanks.

The last bit is so unbelievably frustrating but you will be thrilled when you reach whatever goal you set. 

You got this. 

I notice every so often we may have opposing views......

Just know that I have nothing but respect for you and your accomplishments.

Congrats on a great 2 !!!!!

frisco

Well my friend,

The further out I get the more I appreciate your hold on the reins. 

Seriously life's work. 

Losing?  any ***** can do it. 

The rest of your life, now that's some scary ****

I loved your post...thanks for sharing!!  You've done an amazing thing!

You too girl.  I've been seeing you over on the maintenance board.  Great job.

Congrats on those two years!  I totally understand what you're saying about having a low-ish BMI but not wanting to push the regain.  That's exactly where I am.  My current thought is that if I do regain a few lbs, it better be from muscle weight, not fat.

Here's to you, Edelu, and the next fifty years with your sleeve! 

Fiona

Ah thanks Fiona,

I know the idea of trying to "gain a few", is just such a perverse thought that I think I would eventually just sign up for a straight jacket.  It's way too intimidating because lets face it, it's not like we don't know how.  the trick is stopping.  The way around having to stop is not to start.  It will shift back.  Funny thing, I was putting some avocado on a salad the other day and I thought "this is a good way of adding a few more calories" and the thought freaked me out so much, I think avocado's are off the menu for awhile.  However will say when i drink that glass of wine I never think of calories.  Yeah, crazy like a fox.

Oh you have some Irish ancestry no, with that beautiful name.

Excellent post my friend - you are truly a soldier and I love it. You rock :)