Terrified

I am terrified that once I get my sleeve made smaller I will somehow screw up my weight loss.  I NEVER thought after 148lb weight loss that I would gain the weight back.  I maintained for 6 years but not in a healthy way.  I basically became anorexic and would go days without eating, then only having a few bites of protein or a protein shake.  I loved the feeling of being hungry and resisting to eat.  It made me feel in control.  Husband and coworkers intervened and I ended up in an outpatient eating disorder clinic.  They made me eat 5 times a day.  Small meals to accommodate vsg but way more than I had been eating for years.  My metabolism went crazy and I gained 60 lbs.  I managed to get 30 of those pounds off and was content to stay at 145.  This February my whole life got turned upside down.  I shut off emotionally and guess one of my copping tools was food.  I have gained 90 lbs and can't get it off by myself.  My stomach has stretched out and the Doctor said he can do a pliation on it and make it small again.  Give me back some restriction.  I am in a sheer panic that this will happen again.  That I will go back to crazy town anorexia and then flip the switch back to being an obese eater.  The one thing that I feel has caused the gain is my metabolism is screwed up.  The surgeon can't fix that.  I don't know if it can be fixed.  I just want to feel free again.  Not trapped in this fat body again.  Most people are excited about buying new clothes.  I'll just be happy for the clothes in my closet to start fitting again. I'm sorry for the long tangent.  I just needed some where to go and vent.  Also to get thoughts on the revision.  Another thing I wanted to show people on this board that regain and a stretched sleeve is a real possibility.   

Oh, dear.  You will probably need to seek out a good therapist.   This, or any other surgery, is only a tool.  The head stuff is the hard part and where most people who have trouble, fail.  Best of luck to you,

Kim

My heart goes out to you. I have not lived your struggles, but want to send Hugs & wish you the best!

Deb

I'm with the others in wishing you well and also encouraging you to get into the care of a good therapist ASAP. My $.02: perhaps get the worst of your fears addressed and in progress before another surgery. Winning at this whole thing means conquering these demons, and I would worry that if you didn't address this before surgery that surgery will make it easy for you to just keep running from the real issues and you will wind up back here again.

Thank you for the well wishes and hugs.  I've been seeing a good therapist for 1.5 years consistently.  I'm dealing with some hard core PTSD.  I'm depressed, I have terrible anxiety.  But this weight issue feels like the last straw.  I've gotto get the weight off while in dealing with my issues.  Surgery scheduled for 12/30.  Start liquid diet tomorrow.  

I'm glad you are trying again.  I'm also glad you were courageous and posted of  your experiences. 

Has anyone checked your thyroid levels, by any chance?  If you are hypothyroid it can be tricky to diagnose, but it might be worth a look-see just to rule it out or to begin treatment if you do have that. 

I hope things work out for you and that you can make some progress with your PTSD dx and therapy.  You've learned something along the way, no doubt, which can help you in the present day as you regroup.

I wish I could make a difference for you as great as the message gift you've just given all who will read your post...

All I have to give you is my hand in gesture of solidarity with you.

You made it out of the clinic, I feel confident you can make it out of this. I think the new health policies cover nutritional counseling as well as counseling & stuff like meds. I know they help me.

Stay with us, if you will. Many here would love to be by your side.

Mouse

I completely understand your fears and worries.  I was two years post-op and started gaining my weight back. I had done well at first; boxing three times a week, monitoring what I ate, and sometimes indulging but it was not an everyday thing.  The downfall for me was when I started an accelerated nursing program...I became soooooo stressed out and ate whatever was available, stopped working out and my depression worsened.  I have gained 55lbs back from a 135lbs weight lost.  

I think you are doing the right thing by getting help before it gets too out-of-control.  I also hope (and pray) I may get back on track with my goals for a healthier lifestyle.  I commend your efforts, and I will keep you in my prayers!