Dropping by to say hello...with progress pics at 14 months

Life got pretty crazy this winter - work got very awful and overwhelming and I began a job hunt that lasted several months. As a result of that, I pretty much stopped visiting this board. I have missed you all and wondered how you are doing. I hate to do the "post and run" thing, but I remember how much I enjoyed seeing progress pics when I was pre-op and early after surgery (well, I still greatly enjoy them). To give a quick recap, I got a new job, a new apartment, and I am 10 pounds from goal. I am right around 140, which means I have lost half of my body weight. Life is pretty damn sweet right now. There are a million things I could say about how grateful I am that I had this surgery, all the NSVs, the challenges and struggles...hopefully I will write them all down at a later time. 

I recently completed the Couch to 5K program and did my first 5K, the color run, yesterday, so I am posting a pic from that. I am proud of myself, especially given the fact that I had surgery on both my feet and legs in December. I do not plan to keep running though, as I do not enjoy it. I am going to cut back on cardio and increase the strength training, and I am so looking forward to that!

I came to the realization lately that I was tired of hiding my weight loss from a lot of the people in my life. I hid as an obese person, and I was still hiding after losing weight. So my solution to that was to throw it all out in the open on Facebook. I was terrified, but I got an overwhelmingly positive response. So I am going to paste my exact (long-winded) post here, followed by some pics...

"Feeling brave, so I’m going to post this before I lose my nerve. I’m not one to get too personal on Facebook - and this is a very personal post for me. I feel like the time is right to share something pretty major that has been going in my life. If you've known me for a while, you know I have always struggled with my weight. It’s been my one consistent failure throughout my life. I've spent the last several years hiding myself, embarrassed that I couldn't get it together, and in a lot of physical pain as well. I’m not proud of that, because I know anyone who cares about me couldn't care less about my weight, and if you are one of the people I've been hiding from, my sincere apologies. 

Last year I decided it was time to move forward. I started an amazing journey in May 2013 by having a weight loss surgery called vertical sleeve gastrectomy. It’s not gastric bypass or lap band. It’s a procedure that left me with a stomach the shape of a banana that can hold a lot less food than it used to. It is an amazing tool that gives me an advantage (restriction), but I can tell you it is not the “easy way out” you hear about so often. I've had to work very hard to make the right food choices to properly fuel my body on a restricted calorie diet, and due to the damage I have done to my metabolism, I will probably always have to do this. One of the best and most unexpected things I have discovered is my passion for fitness. I work out 5-6 times a week and I absolutely love it. Treating my body more respectfully has improved my mind, my heart, my spirituality…my entire life. 

While I am proud of myself, I feel like I have been hiding my weight loss because I fear judgment and attention, and others thinking that I am showing off or bragging. But I've finally realized I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself. I believe that a person who loses weight is under no obligation to share their personal medical history with the world if they don’t want to, and I never intended to share mine. But all this hiding I have done is making me feel like I’m not being true to myself. If I can’t be my imperfect yet authentic self, I may just implode. It’s time I start speaking my truth.

Not only did I just complete my first 5K, but I can say that I am quite literally half the person I used to be. I am still working on the mental and emotional aspects of such a drastic change. I still struggle to make the right food choices. I know I will have to be diligent to avoid regain. But I am so grateful every single day. I am grateful that my health has improved. I am grateful that I am in much less pain. I am grateful that I can do all these amazing things with this body that I've never been able to do before.

Having the surgery was 100% the right thing FOR ME. Modern science offered a better solution, and I decided to take it. I don’t have a single regret. Weight loss is not “one size fits all.” Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you still wish to judge me for having weight loss surgery, please stop and consider how it would feel to be 150 pounds overweight. It’s not quite so easy as “eat less and get off your ass” when pain prevents you from walking and food is one of the few things that gives you comfort. 

Also, I want to make it very clear that I was no less worthy of happiness, love, respect, compassion, or any other positive thing 140 pounds ago than I am now. One thing I have actually found to be disturbing is how much better people treat me as a smaller person. I don’t have the answer to how to change that, but maybe sharing my story will help.

I am slowly but surely learning that loving and respecting yourself gets you a lot farther than beating yourself up for perceived imperfections. Losing weight was something I needed to do to better myself, but I respect the diversity of people and see beauty in people of all shapes and sizes. No matter your weight, if you are happy and feel good there, ROCK ON. You are awesome. If you are not happy where you are and are feeling badly about it, I want you to know you are worthy and deserving of happiness AS YOU ARE. You are awesome as well. And if you are ready to make some changes and get healthier, good for you – you have my full support.

Thank you for reading. And thank you to everyone who has been a friend, supporter, cheerleader, and/or therapist to me over this past year. You know who you are, and I am so very grateful."

Linzee-le

glitch- linzee-lee- i so remember you... so much... don't know what to say- just way to say it..... How's the plantar facia

treating you, sweetie.?  You are such a brave soul....  Bonnie    

Miss Bonnie!! Of course I remember you, sweet lady! 

It's been a long road with the PF...have some nerve damage in my feet, calf muscles are still pretty small and weak, discovered I have joint hypermobility, which explains some other issues and pain I have...but overall the pain in my feet has improved drastically, and exercise/PT is helping with the other stuff. It took awhile, but I can finally say I am thrilled that I had the surgeries. I can do so many things now that I couldn't do before (especially in combination with the weight loss). It's like someone unlocked the cage I was living in. I have to keep reminding myself to not take it for granted.

I hope you are doing well and enjoying life. You got some plastics done, right? 

Oh, yah... done deal now... waiting for the last of the  bruising to fade-- then will post the "finished" pics.  So good to hear from you- Your courage in this journey has so impressed me... Whoo-hoo-you!

Yay, I am so glad you got your plastics done! I hope you've had a good recovery. Can't wait to see the pics.

I don't feel very courageous most of the time, but I'll never give up!

You look sooo good!  Congrats!

Hello linzeelee. Nice to meet you for the first time. Your post is very inspirational for the newbies. the new you is awesome of course. Thanks for sharing.

Hi Monique, nice to meet you as well!

You look amazing - congrats! It's so good to hear from you! I have done the post and run thing a bit lately... and have been a bit absent, so I completely understand where you are coming from.

I really love the FB post... I only wish I was bold enough to do the same. Maybe someday when I feel like I have a better grip on all of this, I will be brave enough to do it! Kudos to you!!