So frustrated

jane0321
on 11/3/11 7:51 am - Canada
So I've had surgery almost 6 weeks ago and lost 48lbs. Everyone is starting to notice the difference in my appearance (but I'm not really yet, but that's not the issue).
I'm 26, single and actively dating... trying to find love.
The only problem is, I was able to get dates much easier before surgery than after when I'm looking better and feeling better.
Its annoying and makes no sense.
Anyone else find dating harder after surgery?
            
* Nicole *
on 11/4/11 1:07 am
If it seems harder its because of you. I mean this sincerely.

For the first couple years post WLS it controls your life more than you think and while important to you for the most part wont matter to anyone your dating. Personally I dont tell dates about my medical history so I have also no reason to divulge I had WLS. 6 years post-op and it hasnt caused an issue.

You may be finding it harder to get dates because you are very self focused currently. And alot of guys are turned off by that. Just something to be mindful of. But being so new post-op you should be more concerned with yourself rather than finding love.

Also what are YOU attracted to? As the guys that used to be attracted to you may not like the skinnier version. Has nothing to do with personality. As much as people try to blow rainbows about if he liked you fat he should like you thin or vise versa, its a bunch of bull**** My guy and I crossed paths multiple times in HS (rival schools), you better bet your bottom dollar he wouldn't have given me the time of day back then. And I do not blame him nor hold it against him. You have to have physical attraction.

You may also be portraying some bitterness, that guys that wouldnt give you the time of day before now do. Or you may not be aware you are brushing off better quality because you dont feel like you deserve better.

Personally till your WL is more stable, just date for fun. Don't try to find love. If it happens awesome if not enjoy it embrace it and learn from each experience.

DS Aug 15th,2005 @ goal, living life and loving it.

"An Arabian will take care of its owner as no other horse will, for it has not only been raised to physical perfection, but has been instilled with a spirit of loyalty unparalleled by that of any other breed."

Palmettosleeve
on 11/5/11 1:28 pm - Pawleys Island, SC
i'm 23 and while im not single, i do catch my eye wondering. ive lost 65 pounds and i now no longer have that "huge" look. now i just look "thick". i notice in stores, gas stations, driving, etc everywhere i go , men stare at me. im very self consious so im tryin to get used to this. idk if theyre looking at me cause im attractive or cuz i look fat (my old mindset). either way, im getting more attention now than i was 65 pounds ago. in one way its nice. but on another hand, it makes me bitter because i know before losing weigtt at least 3/4 of those guys wouldnt have wasted their time looking at me 65 pounds ago. this is YOUR time to focus on YOU. dont look so hard for love. let guys beg for you. fate will happen when you least expect it.
starting weight: 341, goal weight: 150, 1st goal: 250, 2nd goal: 199, final goal: 150
          
MaMaMaRTiNeZz
on 11/10/11 6:11 am - Los Angeles, CA
RNY on 11/01/12
i agree with Nicole. i think YOU are feeling like its harder but its really not. i can imagine what you are going through because if you are like me no matter how fat we were before we still managed to snag guys. lol. what i mean is that i have never had any problems with men. i always have and always get attention, not trying to be ****y. i think after my surgery  i will go through the same thing you are going through now. a constant battle with yourself because somehow in a sick twisted way you were more comfortable with getting guys when you were heavy because if something went wrong you could just blame him as a jerk for dissing you because of your weight. but now you have this inner dialogue that if dating doesnt work out you can no longer rely on your weight as the cause, you now have to possibly look at yourself as a person for the cause of the bad relationships or missed opportunities with men. i hope this makes sense because i feel where u are coming from, that is my biggest fear after my surgery...im not worried about finding dates because i am married lol but what scares me is not using my weight as an excuse anymore. good luck hun and dont look for love, let it find you.

              NOTHING tastes as GOOD as SKINNY FEELS...

 Starting Pre-Op Weight: 305     Weight On Day of Surgery: 297 

  
          
                    

    

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