Why is everyone against my wls?

 I have decided after 4 years of thinking about having wls I'm going to do it. My husband and his family are happy with what make me healthy and happy. My family, friends, and coworkers are voicing their opinions on how I shouldn't do it. I'm 315 lbs. and have been big for almost my whole life. I have tried it all and this is what I need to do to be healthy and happy. I guess my question is when u told everyone you were doing wls was it a negative response and how did you handle it? 

Over the past few weeks I've found myself in a similar situation.  My husband, his family and my family have been very supportive.  My surprise happened when I had close friends who said I shouldn't do it.  I started to make an observation that every person who has tried to talk me out of it is also obese.  Some have more weight than I do to loose and other have less.  I wonder if their doubt isn't so much about my choice to have surgery but rather their own insecurities and doubts bubbling to the surface.  I know that I'm usually the fluffy member of my social circle.  When I have WLS, implement lifestyle changes, and loose the weight,  I'll no longer be the fluffly one.  Perhaps they are more afraid of assuming that role themselves?  

I dealt with objection by being steadfast in my position.  I have been overweight since the 4th grade.  On top of poor habits as a young adult, I know that I am not going to loose the weight on my own.  Not to mention, my PCP and WLS surgeon have evaluated me to be a good candidate for surgial intervention.  I did not come to this decision lightly or in a fleeting moment of fancy.  I've asked them to please respect my decision and that their support is needed as I continue my path.  You're right - you know what you need to be healthy.  Don't let the naysayers sway you into a different direction.  Stay strong! 

My experience was very similar.  My husband ( at the time fiance) and my parents were very supportive.  His parents were concerned because their other son's wife had left him after losing a large amount of weight.  My grandmother was very negative, thinking that this was shameful.  I handled it by just trying to explain why I was having the surgery, reminding them of every other diet I had tried and repeating the benefits of the surgery over and over to them.  I'm now 16 months post-RNY and all the naysayers are 'so proud' and 'amazed' over the change.  Just do what feels right to you, what is right for your body, they'll come around in time.  I came to realize that most of the negativity came from fear, from not understanding the process.  This is one of those times when knowledge and education can go a long way.   Good luck!

 Thanks. I'm trying to get them to realize that this is the healthy thing to do. All the diets I tried either failed or I gained the weight back and then some. I'm happy about my choice to do this. I go to my nutritionist and mental eval. Thurs. then I will get my surgery date when the result get to my dr. I'm so excited. 

Doesn't that totally Suck, when everyone looks at you like you are crazy when they hear you mention it??  Can I get one person to support me??

I totally understand.  My best friend and mother are both skeptical about it, but I feel like it's my best option.  I have tried so much to lose weight, yet now have about 130 lbs to lose.  My mom even asked me "Why can't you just eat like you had the surgery and not actually have surgery?"  Yeah, THAT would be sustainable!  I'm starting to get the feeling that I just have to do what I think/know is best for me and hope that everyone ultimately decides to support me in my choice.  Because of the resistance I've been getting, I'm being very private about it and not telling most of my friends or family members...

So you're probably going to think I'm nuts but obviously I told my husband and he's been very supportive and I told my 2 closest friends. I didn't tell anyone else until AFTER my surgery and it's only been the people that I'm closest to and that I know will be supportive. I told my grandmother (she is like a mother to me) in-person 2 months afterward (I live on the other side of the country from her). She was surprised but very supportive. I explained to her the reasons I decided to do it and she knows I've always struggled with my weight. I told her that I didn't tell her beforehand because I didn't want her to worry and make me more worried. I also told my aunt that is like a best friend and she was very supportive and I just recently told my in-laws who were also very supportive and that I'm close to. Other than that I'm not telling anyone else in my family because I know how they are (especially my parents who I am not that close to) and they will not understand, will not be supportive, and at this point in my life I don't really care what they think and I don't need their negativity upsetting me.

Obviously people have noticed I've lost a lot of weight these last 7 months and when they ask me what I'm doing, I told them I eat A LOT less, mainly lean protein and very limited carbs. It's the truth and the RNY is just a tool that's helping me be successful.

My advice to you is if you think you'll keep getting negative responses from people, then don't tell them. Or you can tell them after you've lost some weight and they see how well you're doing. You need to take care of yourself and all that matters is that you and your husband are on the same page :). Good luck to you!

Hi there,
  As far as advice.. this is YOUR body and YOUR life. You have to make the decision for what is best for you, not them.  When I first told my Mom about wanting WLS, she kindof said "yeah uh huh" and didn't think I was serious about it. She used to tell me all about how she was able to lose 80 pounds without surgery.. blah blah blah.  She was 180 pounds at her biggest, and here I was 365 pounds trying to explain it.  She never took it serious until I took her to a WLS seminar.  She sat there and was supposedly there for moral support, although she wasn't paying attention and was reading a book while the speaker was doing the presentation.  Then, when the surgeon got up there, and explained how people with a BMI over 50 were more likely to die very young from being obese, she actually leaned over and asked me what my BMI was.  When I told her 61, she looked shocked. From that moment on she paid attention, and realized that this was not only a good decision, but something that would work for me.  From then on she took me to every appt I had, (my doctor was 2 hours away) and she even went down to stay with my kids in the hotel while my husband was at the hospital. 
  Alot of people won't understand, (and frankly they don't have to) and some people will just think you took the "easy" way out.  Well, they don't have to live in your shoes, or live with being the size that you are.  It's not easy. For me, I had to surround myself with the positive people, and the rest of them could go fly a kite.  I still have people in my family who can't believe I had surgery, and they tell me they think I was crazy.  I tell them "hmm.. I lost over 150 pounds, and am healthier then I have ever been... so while I respect your opinion, I think it's stupid."
  Do this for YOU... and forget everybody else.

 That's exactly why I didn't tell ONE single person other than my husband. I listened to people talk about how its 'cheating' and its not healthy. I'm thinking, how healthy is being 150lbs overweight?? Especially from the people who are overweight  themselves. How many diets did they try and fail at that were far from healthy? And you yoing up and down. I can't see EVER telling anyone. But that leaves me with the issue of not having anyone to talk to about it. There are no support groups near me. I am hoping to find some friends here. 

My insurance company only requires a 3 month weight management history so I could possibly be approved for surgery in as soon as five weeks!  I've been very selective in who I'm discussing my decision with for surgery.  As of now, there are only 7 people who know.  I'm choosing to surround myself with those who I know will be supportive and loving.  This decision has been stressful enough for me so I don't need anyone else's apprehensions added to my own!

My father and two sisters are very supportive.  My sisters were the first people I told.  We're very close and I knew they'd support me in getting healthier.  I am, however, very nervous about how they'll feel after surgery.  They're both obese too but I've always been the largest of the three.  I know they'll always love and support me but it's my prayer that my weight loss doesn't make them uncomfortable or depressed in any way.  I've actually spoken to a therapist about my anxiety around my sisters' feelings.  This change will affect us all.  I hate the thought of someone saying to them, "well I guess you're the BIG one now!" or "Look at your sister.  Why don't you have WLS too?"   Surgery is not for everyone and at this time, they don't believe it's the right thing for them to do and I respect their decision in the same way they respect mine.  I knew that my dad would be supportive - even more so when I told him that I'm 380 pounds.  

I've told three women at work.  One I completely trusted and knew she'd be supportive, another who I told after discussing the success of another colleague's WLS, and the last is the actual colleague we were discussing.  She had WLS in March 2011 and has done incredibly well - down from 286 lbs to 154lbs.   
 
I've only told one of my dearest friends so far.  I plan to tell the other members of the pack (we call ourselves the Six Pack) at our annual girls weekend next month.  Outside of those listed, I don't plan to tell anyone else before surgery and probably only a few afterward.