i have "what-if-itis"

 my biggest fear is not having the money for vitamins!  we are not financially well off, our mortgage is high, my regular doctor appointmnet co-pays are now $40 (OUCH).  right now we are doing ok, and i hope it stays that way, BUT...

what if we are old and hubby retires and we dont have enough for my vitamins????  the elderly are struggling now with their meds, their hospital care, getting basic needs met.  i'm adding a huge cost to this, arnt i?  it's a huge risk, doing this, knowing that there is no getting away from taking my vitamins.  i HAVE to take them.  

my brain is keeping me awake at night.   what-if, what-if, what-if...

Its a valid question.

What if you dont have surgery and comorbs find you and you dont have to worry about being retired?

For me?  As long as I am ALIVE and LUCID I can find a way to make a thing happen.  If you get to live to be an oldie by surgerizing yourself, then you may well find a lot of those meds that oldies now have to take, you wont be in line for taking.

That's just how I look at it.  Gathering health as a preemptive strike against all of that later was the plan all along.  Without surgery?  All of those comorbs were PROMISED.

And we all know there are very few promises in this world, but comorbs were bankable, for me.

Good luck getting zen, girlie.  Its a good practice to get into, because the what ifs, as long as you keep feeding them? You will nurture them into a monster.

Nursing anything makes it stronger, bigger, well developed, until it becomes an entity of its own and nearly impossible to control.

 thank you SO much for replying!  i have been driving myself crazy, as you can see!  

you are right, i'm already on blood pressure meds and diabetes as well.  thats why i'm doing this, for the diabetes!  these are the things i wont have to medicate when i'm older...  the big picture is a good thing to see, thats for sure.  you really helped bring the reality back for me.  thanks so much!  maybe i can sleep i bed next to hubby tonight, instead of tossing on the couch!

You are welcome babygirl.  You snuggle up that man and give thanks for a second chance for ultimate health!

And just some more cents from me (i got change oozing out my ears :} )

THIS TIME is a really good time to realize, all the things/ways we had in the past ultimately did not benefit us.  Wondering and worrying never actually got the thing SOLVED, and often - between big picturing and baby stepping gets us bogged down in the hugeness of a thing - so for me - remembering that all I HAVE to do is the best I can with what I have THIS MINUTE is the best I can do by me.

I have strategies on how I do my 10% eating (the fun food, not my ultimate nourishment food) and plans are good, but worrying and tossing and turning and getting vaklept only steals RIGHT NOW from you!

You deserve to enjoy this RIGHT NOW cuz its all you ever get to have!  Tomorrows troubles will come and what happened yesterday doesnt *have* to dictate how you act today (just like the wake a boat makes doesnt dictate the DIRECTION of the boat, it only shows where its been!).

Be sweet to you and yours!  Take good care of you, in your body and in your  mind baby!!  You get an amazing chance at a re-do.

Some people would beg, borrow, or steal for this!

You are blessed!

 oh, god!  i need you in my head!  i am having a really hard time, outside of surgery concerns.  i'm in a situation that i dont know how to get out of.  i have someone in my life who is very high maintenance.   i love parts of my interactions with this person, makes my life a better place to be, more exciting, and i would never get this opportunity again.  but, well, i'm just wracking my brain on where this is going, how does it serve me, does the good outweigh the bad, and, right now its a tie.

so, yeah, i got lots on my head, and it's mush about now!  

hugs!

Mz. Brandi is great at talking someone off the wall and she's always honest about it as well.

My what-if's were more like, I'm 59, what if I have a heart attack, what if I have altzheimers and a stroke like my mom, what if I'm I have a quadriple bypass and I'm on dialysis like my dad,  and a huge what-if was what if I'm not around to witness my son's successes in life and what if I'm not around when he gets around to having babies?   Those all scared me far worse than what if I'm a bag lady?  If that ever happened, I bet the people in the support groups that I go to would help me find a way to buy vitamins.

I'm more about visualizing the abundance that's in my life today and the abundance that I hope is there in my future years as well.

There's no guarantees about anything in this world we live in.  Let's make the most of this moment!

 thanks, lee!  i try to be an upbeat person, always seeing the bright side, always grateful.  i'm honestly not afraid of the surgery at all.  i'm hopeful and really excited and know it will be a great outcome for me.  

i guess more of the worry has to do with hubbys trying to take care of all my needs, financially.  he is under a lot of stress trying to keep up and this has added another level of stress.  just more co-pays and such all at the same time.  i'm pretty set with getting my supply ready for when i come home and doctor approves beginning the vites.  as long as i can alternate when this and that happen, life is an even keel.  if it all happens at once, it throws off payments and such.  

hope you have a good day!

I figured that my vitamins would be less in the long run. The blood pressure meds, the diabetes meds, heart meds, and so on and so forth.
So for improving your health, it will be a savings in the long run. Start budgeting in your vites and protein.

Preop jitters, I think we have all been there. Just try to deep breathe and relax!

Big Hugs!

 breathing is good !  thanks, maria!  i'm sure the vites will be less, like you said!  and, prescriptions we dont let lapse, so i should be golden.  

you all are SO supportive.  i just adore this group!

thanks again.

In life we never know if we made the right decision but we have to be guided by what makes the most sense at the moment and which has the best potential to have a great return on investment. If you don't have surgery you may end up ill, will always pay more for clothes and not to mention you eat more pre-surgery. So, one way to look at it is that you have a better chance of being healthly longer and the $ you spend on vitamins will not compare to the cost savings on clothes and food.

I think you are nervous and letting it get the best of you. You thought to do it for a reason (probably the right one), so just have some faith.

Best of luck!!