Grateful Post

 I'm  21/2 years post  a few months  behind the time when  the easy weight loss  stops  and you don't wake up looking scrawny  anymore .   

Believe me i dearly  MISS those days  ;) .  I don't think im eating any more but my  body retains more of what i eat  .  I really really  DO mourn  that  missed- a  few-meals look ... - I LOVED my little bitty  arms and the fact that i could wear clothes  that  didnt flatter me ever before ..  

Realistically  those days may be gone forever   unless Im willing  to get up and run every single day  ... but I want to say  just how grateful I  STILL  am for this  second chance  at   being healthy and looking  ( fairly )  beautiful  ...

Its funny  I think we get so  obsessed over  5  lbs or something that we lose  sight of the REAL  prize weve been given which is a MEANINGFUL  second chance .  At least I can be crazy enough to do this .  

Probably the only way for me to permanently get rid of my genetically  plump arms  is through   plastic surgery and that means EARNING  enough money to get it lol !    And im WORKING on that   ;)  particularly  feeling like i DESERVE better than the lifestyle and income  level i've been settling for ... 

Its really not that I'm FAT  .. i have a FAT HEAD  !  ( or should I say chronic  low self esteem , low self confidence  on a deep level .. .. thinking im fat is just  how I  project it .  And  blaming  my  so called fat arms  for sitting on my BUTT  every day  rather than pursuing my dreams  just isnt working for me any more ... 

What I love about this  surgery is  it totally hijacked my life and threw it out of its ( very emotionally and physically  painful) comfort zone ... Im  STILL  in emotional pain  but at least  Im  painfully AWARE  of it  and of the need to DO SOMETHING about it .   And despite my  inertia caused by that  same low self esteem... I think eventually  I WILL  make the necessary profound changes  just out of sheer uncomfortability  . 

So I guess  right now  Im thanking God   for giving me my  daily discomfort lol    

I think we all, while in the process of losing, forget that the time will come when that part is past us.  Roz tries to remind us daily about it. 

You are at a point now where daily life takes over instead of losing but the weight issues are still there, whether we are fat or thin.  That is part of who we are, how we got to surgery in the first place and where we are now.  Surgery gives us a tool, but the issues are still there.  So the bottom like is we still have to deal with the issues.  I can only imagine it gets harder when the Ohs and Aws are gone as folks see us as normal. 

Thank you for this post. I'm trying to deal with the mental stuff while I'm loosing. I guess I may be putting too much stress on myself at one time, but that is normally what I do.   I appreciate you being honest and letting us who are not there yet know that there is more to this after you stop loosing.

 oh man, i know i am going to feel the same way!  i know i need to feel the feelings instead of stuffing food down my gullett in order to fill an emotional need i have.  its a hard thing, but i know that we are in a better place with the surgery, thats for sure.

i'm raring to get on this crazy thing called life!  kicking and screaming all the way, lol

Ava - AMEN!!  Your first 4 paragraphs I could have wrote too!!  I know I looked gaunt at one time, and like the fact I don't now, but don't like the fact my legs filled back out too... I guess the good comes with the bad.... Was told this week my face has filled back out and I look younger now....

Great post Ava!  Thanks!

I am 8 days from one year and obessed that I havent reached my 100 pounds yet, but I guess its only a number. I have muscular arms and legs, dont want to talk about the saggy middle. I am feeling like a much younger woman than I did a year ago.
I wish I could find a way to lose fat mentality, but I guess it takes time and maybe some more appt with psych for me.

Ava, you're my hero!! 

awesome post!!!