Emotional Eating Daughter!

Well my 13 yr old daughter tried out for cheerleading after practicing for years and got cut. She is very upset and I want to comfort her because she tried so hard. I noticed about a month ago that she cut back her portion sizes on her meals a lot. I told her that she was not eating enough or not eating frequently enough. However, last night after she found out that she was cut, she couldn't stop eating. She ate snack cakes, fruit snacks, and 2 chicken legs AFTER she had a hoagie sandwich for dinner. I told her that she was stress eating and that she wasn't hungry. She told me it made her feel better when she was eating but it still hurt right after she stopped. This is EXACTLY what I did that made me gain so much weight. I lost 5 babies before her and have had a lot of things that stressed me. I always ate small meals, hardly anything but when I stressed I couldn't stop eating. Now my stomach is burning and I can't sleep because I want to eat! Between her and cheerleading, my son and his bullying football coach and this hurricane, I'm stressing and causing my ulcer to burn. The good thing is that I haven't eaten anything outside of normal. Any suggestions on my daughter? I don't want her to have the same problems I had. Is this normal? Is this hereditary or did she watch me do it and think she should do it too? How do I stop it ?

I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this kind of thing now. What she's doing is what she's heard or seen folks do and I hope you can talk her through it.

When I was getting the heartburn through the night, sometimes I'd have a warm milk with a tsp of decaf coffee, tsp of vanilla extract and a little Splenda. Otherwise I slugged back Maalox to stop the burn.

Keep the sugar snacks out of the house and stock up on laughing cow cheese rounds, or maybe yogurt cups. Sending cyber hugs to you guys. Stay safe.

--gina

I have no advice hun, my daughter is doing the same thing and I am trying to figure a way to help her stop it too. I know it is because she has seen me do it all these years. Swinging critters for you and please be safe through this hurricane.

You are a good mom!  Please do not blame yourself.  The whole culture sends a message that food makes you feel better.  The blame just triggers the emotional eating cycle and that is not the message you want to send to your daughter.

I am so impressed that you are not criticizing your daughter but looking for ways to support and teach her how to manage the unpleasant feelings in ways other than eating.  I suggest you make this a joint project.  A book that I find very helpful is called 50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food by Susan Alpers.  I read a chapter each week and then discuss it with a friend every Sunday.  I try at least one method each week.  This is not a magic solution but it helps. You also might want to consider joint counseling just to open up the dialogue.

In the meantime, first things first.  Please stay safe until Irene runs its course.  We are swinging lizards for you and your family.

Amy

Amy,

I got that book too and it is the first book that has really resonated with me....I am reading a bit at a time but feel it will help with the emotional eating.

As someone who has used food inappropriately since childhood, I think many of us are just not comfotrtable with strong feelings.  I commend you for not criticising her yet talking thru what was happening.   Anything critical about food intake when I was young would cause me TO EAT MORE!  Keep talking with her about her disappointment and that being cut from the team does not have to define her.  She is still an amazing person and once she feels better hopefully she will stop comforting herself with food.  Also activity can really help with dealing with distress and try to keep the junk food out if the home.

You are a good mom for caring......

~~Jennifer

You received helpful suggestions re: your daughter. As far as your acid problem, are you on a PPI or acid reducer? If you are, perhaps you might consider speaking with your doctor about increasing the dose or switching to one that works. Sometimes, switching to a different medication can help. Also, maalox or mylanta is a good suggestion. What are you doing to help to relieve your stress? Are you exercising? Maybe, that would also help your daughter to burn off some of her uncomfortable feelings.

Gail

No answers here, either.  My daughter is the same way.  We were eating buddies until about a year ago.  The way I ate before that was not a good example but I do believe there is a genetic thing going on, too.  She has been that way since birth.  She has always loved to eat, more so then my other 4 children.  The more I try to limit her the more she wants it.  My mother was the same way.  And she is 16 so the hormone thing is real big.  She is such a ***** when she doesn't get the food she wants.  Makes my life miserable, which I am sure is her goal.  Like an alcoholic wanting a drink.
I do buy healthy foods and cook healthier and try to coax her to at least try new things.  I also makes things for her that I sneak in stuff like vegies that she can't detect.  I don't know what else to do.  She is about 5'4" and weighs at least 170lbs.  She also was diagnosed with a fatty liver but that didn't phase her one bit.  There is only so much we can do.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions and the well wishes. The major part of the storm has passed us and we survived without much damage. We just had a couple power outages but it's on now. I will order the book and we will read it together. I don't think I'm handling my stress well since I have a ulcer that seems to reoccur when things get tough. However, I have not started eating again so that is a good thing. Exercising hasn't helped my stress and writing in a journal doesn't do it for me either. I'm still trying to find out what helps other than talking it out with people that I trust. I encouraged her to do that last night and she did it for a while but she snuck downstairs after we were sleep and ate more. Now that we have identified it, I will take her with me to support group meetings as well. She may learn something from listening to others. I appreciate all you. Take care in Virginian and up north. It's coming your way!