my ? is after you or your spouse had the surgery did you or they cheat because they got too much attention. please let me know. deperate for answers

Cindy, your problem is very common unfortunately. My wife had her surgery 12/21/04. Since then I have been her coach and a shoulder to cry on etc. and we have grown closer as a result. Too often on these message boards I see women discussing how their husbands have turned cold or no longer care for them the way they once did. Speaking as a guy, I can see how it was easy for them to be married to a big girl, especially if they were overweight themselves, yet skinnier than their wife. This was a big ego boost that perhaps they kept inside but never acutally vocalized. It allowed them to get out of shape and not take care of themselves the way they should have. I know that I fell into the same trap. My wife and I both gained a lot of weight after we were married and as long as we were togther it wasn't a big deal. Once she decided to have the surgery, I needed to come to grips with my own situation. I decided that if she was going to go through all of the pain and struggles involved with WLS, then I needed to do the same thing, albeit in a non-surgical approach. I was very content being fat, I now know however, that soon... very soon, I will be bigger than my wife for the first time in a long time together. So while I am happy for her, I can see how other guys may think that their wife took the "easy" way out and as such are jealous of your success while they mire in their own self imposed failure. My advice? Lay down the law with your man and tell him to shape up or their will be consenquences. You have lived your life as a big girl and you now intend to live the rest of your life as a skinny chick. He can either enjoy the ride or get out the way. I made my decision and I cannot wait until my wife and I are BOTH at our goal weight. Everyone deserves the same. -JJ

People fear change sometime when we make positive changes in our lives the people around us feel forced to do the same . Our happiness is like a light shining on their inner unhappiness do not allow your husband to steal your shine and at the same time be aware that he may be feeling nervous about his position now If he feels that you have more options he may be feeling like less than perfect reassure him that he is your sexy man and that you love him. be sure to dress up and go to a nice lunch or dinner with him not fancy just romantic. purchase new nighties for his eyes only and spice up your love life. Whatever you do be sure that you do not take his sour mood personally you did nothing wrong you lost 100 lbs and you are healthier prettier and more energetic. And if I am a pre-op stranger and I can encourage you and support you that is the least that you should expect from your life partner good luck.

How many of you noticed a diference in your spouse after WLS as far as moodyness. And if so, at what stages and when did it finally stop?

I am so happy for him. I was wondering if anyone here could help with how to be most supportive. He has been a little on edge and I am sure it is his nerves...it has been a little difficult...how have you handled the pressure the patient is under?