Lynn C

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7/1/05 -- Have made appointment for a consultation on July 14. I've researched WLS for a few years now, and the RNY was quite scary for me. Now that the lap-band is making inroads in the U.S., I feel more comfortable. Still, I have some fears -- not about the surgery itself (have had much worse ones), but that it might not work -- that it will be another in a long string of failures.

This forum has really helped in this respect. I'm finally coming to believe that I am not the most hopeless of the hopeless -- that I am no better or worse than all of you and that it might actually be possible -- after 45 years of failure to succeed.

At this point, I am still trying to restrain my enthusiasm and have only told a few people. But, thanks to all of you on this forum, I am becoming less afraid to hope.

7/8/05 -- Here are some of the things I'd like to do (either again or for the first time). I want to:

--Stop obsessing about food, dieting, and weight.
--Stop hating myself for being weak and undisciplined.
--Be out of the morbidly obese category.
--Qualify for individual health insurance.
--Tie my shoes without needing a nap afterward.
--Sit on the ground and get up again.
--Pick things up off the floor without performing ballet contortions.
--Climb a flight of stairs without my thighs applauding me.
--Cross my legs (at the knee).
--Fit into any chair without fear of breaking it.
--Fit into restaurant booths.
--Wear shorts and a bathing suit.
--Have one size in my closet instead of five.
--Swim, do yoga, and dance the tango.
--Feel attractive.
--Date and possibly marry again.
--Get invited to something other than breakfast, lunch, dinner, barbeque, or picnic (unless it's a romantic one, of course).
--Be a good role model for my nieces.
--Feel alive again.

7/14/05 -- Met with my surgeon today. Dr. Rantis is very personable and informative. He said he was impressed with all the research I have done and how organized I was. I presented him with lists of why I thought I was a good candidate for lap-band surgery, my obesity and dieting history, and list of questions. He said he thought I would be a very good patient and succeed. I'm not sure what I expected, but I was nervous that he might reject me for some reason. Instead of me interviewing him, I felt like I was going there to be interviewed.

They took my vitals and I am 5'2" and weigh 271. Then they printed out my projected weight at 160, which would be marvelous. Since I'm a self-pay, they thought I could get through all the testing and be scheduled for surgery in a month (Woo hoo).

I told my one sister about my decision, and she was very supportive. "Now finally," she said, "you'll let me come and clean out your closets." (I have at least five different sizes). And, you know what, I think I actually WILL be able to let go of the large sizes once I start losing. I'm going to look into how to donate the clothes to people on this site.

8/16/05 -- I jumped through all the hoops and got a surgery date set for Sept. 12, 2005. Have now told my mother, two sisters and three friends about my surgery. Those are the only ones I plan to tell, at least for now. My mother depends on me and my sisters have some problems of their own right now, so they are very disinterested in what I'm doing. I can't talk to them about it because they've made it clear they don't want a lot of details. And I really don't want to burden my friends with the details (or my anxiety) either. That's why I'm so grateful to have found this board. Only you understand what I'm going through, physically and emotionally. I live alone, and going onto this forum can be a real solace and source of information I'd never get anywhere else.


9/21/05 -- I had surgery on Sept. 12 and left the hospital the same day (although I expected to spend the night). The hospital was pretty chaotic, to say the least. Both the band and the hiatal hernia repair went off without a hitch, they said. Nevertheless, my recovery has been slower than I ever expected. The trapped gas was debilitating for about four days, and I still have shoulder pain. Also had diarrhea for five days from the protein drink on my nutritional plan. Part of my lung collapsed during surgery, so it’s been a challenge to get my lungs cleared.

This week I turned a corner and feel much better. Also graduated to full liquids (Farina never tasted so good to me!!). I’m convinced that you recover better from surgery if you are eating food!!! I thought this would be like my gall bladder surgery, but it was much harder.

The hospital people told me I was going to spend one night, no matter what. Said no one ever went home the same day from this surgery. So I arranged for someone to pick me up the next day. Suddenly, at 2 p.m. after being in the room for a couple of hours, they told me I was going home that day. This after the pulmonologist came in and told me my lung collapsed during surgery. I was nauseous, short of breath, and drugged out, but I was going home. However they would not tell me when I could leave (or give me the discharge papers & instructions, remove the IVs, etc.) so by 7 p.m. I told my sister, who called and read them the riot act. I couldn't call people to pick me up at 10 p.m. and told them so. I just felt that when they knew I was leaving, I didn't rate any more consideration. That isn't the nurses' fault. I know they are overworked. But it was a mess, I thought.

I'm actually down 11 lbs. since surgery and feel good about that.

11/12/05 -- Two months post-op today and I'm down 20 lbs.(YAY!). I can't say it's been easy but I know I wouldn't be here without the band. I had a good amount of restriction from surgery that lasted about 5 weeks. Then it seemed to disappear overnight, and it really became a struggle again not to overeat. I can't say I was perfect, but having been a professional dieter in my previous life, I managed not to gain during the three weeks between feeling no restriction and getting my first fill.

Normally, my doctor gives a first fill at six weeks out, but I postponed it because I was losing weight and not hungry. Then it got postponed even longer because he couldn't find my port manually and I had to have my fill under fluoroscope at the hospital.

So this week I finally got 4ccs of saline in my Vangaurd band (which holds 10 ccs.). This was a pretty aggressive fill and I had my first slime (yuck!) trying to eat grits too soon. Now I've learned I have to do liquids for a day, pureed/runny food for a day, and mushies/soft food (which is where grits come in) for a day after a fill. I also have to try each new food very slowly because part of my problem with the grits was eating too fast.

I have to say it was harder to do the liquid/pureed/mushies after the fill than after surgery because I've been really hungry. I understand that this will change when I get to my "sweet spot" after enough fills. I sure hope it doesn't take too many under fluoroscope because the hospital charges a whopping $600. I am a self-pay and this might affect how many fills I get or how often. I mentioned this to my doctor and he is going to bat for us self-pays with the hospital now. He has a lot more clout than I do, so maybe this will make a difference. I'm glad I said something because my doctor was clearly upset to think that some of his patients might not be making the most of their bands because of this cost.

Seeing the procedure as it was being done was fun, I must say, though not $600 worth of fun. After he found the target, he stuck the very long needle into the port. He pressed the plunger to inject 4 ccs and then told me to drink barium. I could see the liquid pool up a bit at the stoma (opening between new small stomach and lower part of stomach) and then flow through it. My doctor also showed me what would happen if he gave me just 1 cc more. The barium pooled in the upper stomach and just stayed there. That would be disastrous and eliminated any thoughts I might have had about speeding up the process.

Overall, I am so happy I did this and feel hope that had died in me so long ago. I still have a lot of anxiety about things going wrong with the band or port, but the fear of failure is slowly diminishing. It seems that whenever I am going through something, like loss of restriction, someone posts the same struggle on the forum and 10 more people say "That's me." So I feel I'm progressing nicely at this point.

In addition to the scale victory (SV), I've been able to move four items of clothing from my "doesn't fit" closet to my "fits" closet and one person at work commented on my weight loss so far. I also discovered that I have some emotional eating issues that I need to address with a professional. I really like the psychologist attached to my surgical practice and know he has a lot of experience with this specific problem.

12/4/05
I just had my second fill and have to be on liquids a couple of days. I now have 5 cc in my VG band, and have restriction again (yay!). The only way to describe the feeling of restriction is to say, yes, I get ravenously hungry (as in stomach growling and pain), but don't really want to eat. Finally, I think I SHOULD have something and drink a protein shake (or whatever), which satisfies me for a few hours. When I have restriction, I can have lots of stress or emotional stuff going on and won't even think about overeating. It's the greatest feeling in the world.

That being said, I need to qualify it by saying that, in the three months since surgery, I have only felt restriction for the first month (from swelling) and a few days after my first fill on Nov. 9 (also probably from swelling). The rest of the time I could eat the way I used to and have had to diet. To this point, it has been a bit of a struggle -- average weight loss of 4 lbs. a month the last two months, but I'll take it. I follow the band rules and (mostly) avoid sweets. (Incidently, when I have good restriction, I have NO DESIRE to eat sweets or junk food at all.)

Now I feel restriction again from the latest fill but don't know if it will last this time or be gone in a week. People say it takes 3-5 fills to get proper restriction, and having had a taste of it, I'm hopeful that I will eventually get to my "sweet spot."

Because I am losing slower than I hoped, I thought it would be wise to create some interim goals for myself. Here they are:

--under 250 (only 1 lb. to go for this one, so I really set the bar low)
--not "morbidly obese" anymore (214)
--under 200 ("onederland"--a big one because I haven't been here for 30 years)
--size 18 (shop in most stores and be in a size that doesn't start with a "2")
--160 (a realistic healthy weight goal)
--size 14 (so I can shop in "petite" stores and not have to hem)

1/13/06
Had my third fill 10 days ago and I can't say it's making much difference. When I went in for it, my surgeon asked if I was eating sweets. Had to admit that I did have a week of cookie mania over the holidays, but ate healthy 95% of the time and follow the band rules. He acted as if he didn't believe me and seemed disappointed that I only lost 1-1/2 lbs. this month. Well, yeah, like I wasn't!!!! However, unlike him, I was blaming inadequate restriction rather than myself (I've done enough of that all my life.)

So far this month, I have had no sweets at all and it hasn't made any difference. I don't have restriction for more than a week after a fill and eat more at meals than I think I should. My metabolism is such that going over 1,300 calories a day will severely curtail my weight loss. If I go over 1,500, there is no weight loss. I could not stick to this strict calorie regime on my own and was hoping the band would help me do it. But maybe I was wrong. I'm still hungry a lot and can overeat. At this point, I'm still dieting and struggling to lose a few pounds a month.

On a brighter note, I do know I have a band if I eat too big a bite or too fast. Maybe the fourth fill will be it. I'm learning a lot about myself from this experience, too. It seem the more choices I have, the more I eat. I think I do better when I keep my meals very simple, even eating the same things day after day. This is hard for me because I am a gourmet cook and love to eat a varied exotic diet.

Anyway, I've lost 24 lbs. in four months overall. That isn't great, but I'll take it. And I did reach my first mini-goal above. Yay!!

1/28/06
Well, I've had a breakthrough since my last post and am now down 29 lbs. Why? There are a few reasons. First, giving up the sweets probably is making a difference.

Second, I keep learning more about this band as I go along. One thing I recently learned (from a link on Wendell's posts) is that feeling satisfied and not hungry is not really about the BAND, but the small POUCH. Even though I thought I was following all the "rules" (protein first, veggies, next), I wasn't always eating the most SOLID food I could (canned fruit instead of a raw apple, for example, or cooked veggies instead of raw) and relying on soft convenient foods (like cottage cheese) more than I should. So I got more strict about that and it's working. I'm never hungry anymore and actually eat less.

Another rule I didn't even know I was breaking was not to stretch out a meal beyond 30 minutes. My dietician's instructions say to eat slowly and deliberately and take your time to enjoy your meal. Well, those instructions must be for people who wolfed food down in five minutes. I have always been a slow eater and now I'm really slow. Stopping my meal after 30 mins. has helped me because food doesn't get stuck for me, so I had a tendency to just keep eating everything I PLANNED to eat. Now I pay attention to time and volume, too. When I was extending my meals to an hour, I thought the band wasn't tight enough because I could just keep on eating. But, in reality, I could have been stretching my pouch. (There is another good tip in that article about the reason avoid snacking.) Here is the link: http://gastricbypass.netfirms.com/understandingsmallgastricpouch.htm. Please don't be put off by "gastric bypass." I was at first, but this really does pertain to us, too.

Third, I've stepped up my exercise from a three-day-a-week kind of wishy-washy status to an almost daily "no excuses" serious workout.

With just the amount I've lost already, I feel much less joint pain . . . which allows me to exercise more . . . which gets those endorphins going . . . which keeps my spirits high and my thinking positive . . . and on and on.

I feel very good now and am starting to throw out and donate my larger sized clothes. That's a big step for me -- guess I'm finally coming to believe this could actually work for me.

3/20/06
I've now lost 34 lbs. Woo-hoo!!!! Had my fourth fill on Feb. 14, more than a month ago. I'm up to 7ccs in my VG band. I feel I have enough restriction because I can still eat everything, but stay full on normal portions of healthy food for about 4 hours. The key for me is to focus on solid food and not let my diet get too mushy. I think I have "first-bite syndrome," particularly at lunch for some reason. That means that the first few bites of food (say, tuna salad) get stuck and I have to stop eating until it passes through the band. It is quite uncomfortable -- I usually have to get up and walk around the room for a while. However, once it goes through (and it always does, thankfully), I can go back and finish the meal with no problems at all.

I was scheduled for a fill tomorrow but canceled it. If this is happening to me now, another fill will make me PB, I'm sure, so what's the point? I can't kid myself that another fill will make me lose faster. At this point it is up to me to work the tool, and that's how I choose to do it. Eventually, the band will probably loosen as I lose more weight and then I'll have another fill. I'm happy with my band. I still have to exercise and watch what I eat, but now I feel my efforts are paying off, even if it is slower than I originally hoped.

8/6/05

Wow! It's been a long time since an update. I have had so many things going on in my life. Had to sell my condo and move into an apartment. I haven't moved in 15 years and haven't rented in about 27 years, so I didn't know the ropes anymore. I moved from a two-bedroom to a one-bedroom place and had to get rid of a lot of stuff. I thought I was paying a reasonable amount of rent for a decent place, but it turns out the building is infested with bugs (silverfish, spiders and earwigs mostly, but I'm not hanging around for the roaches) so I am moving again. (Note that I am phobic about insects from a horrible childhood experience, but no one should pay this much and have to kill three or four a night, wake up with bites and spit out a bug when brushing their teeth). Where I am moving, I am spending a lot more for a lot less space, but I can't wait to get out of here.

I am happy to report, though, that my weight loss has been unaffected by this trauma and I've continued to shink, despite having a couple of drinks every night to get to sleep and the occasional pint of Haagen-Daz because I felt sorry for myself. I am down 50 lbs. now and couldn't be happier. THIS WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED WITHOUT THE BAND. As I predicted, at right around 50 lbs. lost, people are finally starting to notice I'm smaller (damn pear shape!).

My latest fill two weeks ago (total of 8.5 cc) is finally holding. Cereal goes down hard in the morning and I finally really have to chew, chew, chew. Prior to this fill, I felt almost no restriction and could eat almost anything and everything. As a result, I was losing very slowly. Now it's speeding up a bit from 1 to 2 lbs. a week. (YAY!) So don't give up. Keep going for the fills. I'm almost a year out and it's finally working the way I expected it to.

1/16/07

Things haven't gone that well for me the last four months.  After my last post, my fill once again started to wane.  I felt hungry all the time and could eat a lot more than I should (but didn't).  I did start to succumb to sweets and actually GAINED weight.  Rather than going for another fill, I tried to "discipline" myself and lose at least a little before going to see the doctor (who is very strict about "no sweets."

Today I bit the bullet and finally went in.  As expected, he blamed me and told me to see the nutritionist.  He also wanted to look at the band under fluoro before doing a fill.  That was OK with me, since I am 16 months out and would like to know too -- even though I'm self pay and it's very pricey.

1/22/07

Well, the doctor looked at my band under fluoroscope today.  It turns out I have a weird bubble-like thing extending from the side of my pouch, almost looks like a cyst.  Liquid flows into and out of it and then runs through the stoma normally.  The doctor said the bubble was my stomach, but didn't know exactly what caused it (maybe a small slip).  (However, he still gave me a 1 cc fill.  I wanted less, but he said he's conservative and thought I needed that much.)  He didn't say it was stretched pouch, though.  When I asked if it was caused by something I did, he was noncommittal.  I sure hate not getting definitive answers, but don't want to antagonize a man coming at me with a six-inch needle.

1/25/07

Well, be careful what you wish for ... as they say.  With 9.5 ccs in my VG band, I am just beginning to get pureed food down (but only in the afternoon and evening).  Liquids still gurgle through slowly in the a.m., so I'm drinking protein shakes.  I probably should go and insist that he take some saline out, but think I'll give it a few more days.

I start a new job next week and as long as I can eat cottage cheese, egg salad, and canned veg. I'm good to go.  At this point, I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to eat solid food again.  But a limited diet will probably be good for me (stress-wise) starting this new job.  Call me paranoid, but I sometimes wonder if my doctor did this just to punish me.

2/26/07

Today I hit a milestone.  I am no longer morbidly obese.  Yay!!!!!!!!!  Weight lost is 54 lbs. and I'm doing very well since this last fill.  I can't get anything thicker than oatmeal down in the a.m., but eat about a cup of meat and veg for lunch and dinner.  Don't feel hungry between meals -- this is what I've been waiting a year and a half for.  My VG band is almost filled to capacity, so I worry about that, but I'll take it a step at a time.  This fill is lasting much longer than any of the other, which fizzled out in about two weeks.  So hang in there and get those fills.

I eat very, very slowly now, pea-sized bites, and chew, chew, chew.  I finally feel that I am experiencing the type of restriction the successful bandsters describe.  My calories are pretty low so I needed to add a fiber supplement (Fiber Sure) to keep me regular.  I also take two Viactiv calcium supplements and a Centrum Silver everyday.  Problem foods are rice and salmon.

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