Mrs.M

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Took my big girl pill and went to the surgeon for one year check-up.  They were pleased with the 70 pound weight loss (said revisions lose more slowly) and were fine with me being on phase 5 diet (which includes carbs) as long as I was working out.  They also said my vit levels looked good.

Since then I have gone to a support group, joined a gym, gotten a personal trainer, thrown out the bad carbs in the house, bought a few more, found out my mother has colon cancer, landed two more clients, taken my mother to a million doctor appointments and have been to the gym 6 times in less than two weeks.  Not bad.  Except for mom, of course. 

It really has been a year already?  So many things have happened, some good and some bad.  Life definitely goes on.  I handled my MILs broken arm and the stresses it caused without gaining weight.  But for the last three months I have gone up and down the same 4 pounds. Twice I went below 200.  Then I would eat more carbs and go over 200 again.  Obviously struggling with the concept that I CAN do this.

But this week's crisis put me over the edge.  We took Jessica back in three months ago (yes, same time I started fighting the weight loss).  AT 21 she was homeless, off her meds and desperate.  Even though we thought we knew the risks o taking her in, we accepted her mental illness and decided to give it a chance so she would have a chance.

What fools we were.  We believed she was doing everything we asked of her.  Applying to go back to school, looking for a job, trying to reinstate her medicaid, taking her meds, getting a therapist.....

Surprise, surprise NONE of it was true. NONE of it. Lies, Lies, Lies and more Lies.  And she was stealing from us.  I think she is aware of everything she is doing, but I'm not sure.  It doesn't matter anymore.  I promised myself that my marriage comes first and that if it had to be a choice between her health or mine, this time I would choose mine.

My heart is crushed because even though I know I did everything a mother can do for her, it wasn't enough.. She just isn't ready, or doesn't want to get healthy.  And if she doesn't want it, it won't happen.  So yesterday, when she showed up after disappearing the night before, I gave her a suitcase of her clothes and told her she could no longer stay here.  I said that knowing that she had no where else to go and would literally be on the street.  She didn't even take her medicine with her so there is a good chance she will wind up Baker Acted or arrested soon.  I did it anyway.  I would do it again.  I know it was the right thing to do.  But it still hurts like hell and I feel like I am in mourning.  I guess I am since any chance of a relationship with her is dead and unless God watches over her, she will be too.

So I start again and try to move forward. Because that is what life is.  Wish me luck.  I sure as hell need it.

I thought onderland was in sight at the end of March.  I was 205 then.  In the last four months I have bounced between 200.5 and 205.  Ate carbs, not enough protein or water and difficult family situations all contributed.  I know I was self-sabotaging but it was soooo scary.  After all, the honeymoon is only supposed to last the first year and I'm coming up on my surgiversary in September.  But today.....ONDERLAND is here.  The scale said 198.5.  I've been giddy all day.  Next weight goal is to get to the 180's. Wouldn't that be amazing?

And by the way, stopped at my mom's office to see her today and she didn't recognize me!  She tried to cover it up but it was so funny.

No, not the weight!  Spent the weekend at Universal with daughter, stepdaughter and hubby.  Went on roller coaster without having to worry about not fitting into the seats. But....found out I still hate roller coasters anyway!!  I definitely have motion sickness.  Now I can choose not to go on. Food was obviously a challenge on the trip.  I didn't get near to my protein goals or water goals but....I made really good choices.  For lunch I went with baked chicken (and three french fries), for dinner I had a cheeseburger with no bun (and 4 french fries).  I did have a cappuccino and 1/3 of a slice of cheesecake at the end of the evening.  Down a half pound today. Yeah! 

The scales have started moving again.  After pilates today the scale said 205.  5 pounds from onderland.  Amazing!  Every time I see someone post that they have achieved onderland i have tried, and failed, to imagine getting there.  But it really is in sight.  I have been religiously tracking what I eat on Lose It. Even when I overeat, I tell the truth.  My therapist always tried to get me to do that, but this is the first time I have ever done it. Yeah me.

Now when I read a newbie's post I remember being there and realize how far I have come.  I told Larry that when (yes I said when) I get down to his weight he will need to carry me over the threshold. LOL  I bought totally sexy shoes and knew I looked good in them--even caught a guy checking me out. Cool!

Need to up my D3 (ordered 50,000 iu from Vitalady) and increase my fluids.  Day by day--

The best is yet to come. 

The scale FINALLY moved again and I'm down to 206.5.  Updated my widget to show this, but it's not showing on my signature yet.  Oh well.  A friend showed a heavier picture of me to my husband (I was married to him at the time it was taken) and he didn't know who it was!!! Now that's an NSV I will remember for a long time.

I went for my six month labs today and will see the doctor in a week.  It's really hard to believe that it has been six months already.  I've had a few blue days lately, but then I have always suffered from depression and I am  in menopause (I think) so I'm not sure I can contribute them to WLS.  More likely due to adjusting to retirement.  Don't get me wrong, I am blessed that I was able to retire but it is weird having a different schedule instead of a daily routine!  
Now to try and upload a new photo! 

Well maybe not the first, but definitely a big one for me.  I'm finally down to 211.  I was there once before for a minute, and then wound up in the hospital with the pulmonary embolisms.  Physically it was all downhill from there.

But now I actually feel that i WILL break into Onderland soon.  Amazing! 

Yesterday was 3 months since surgery.  Today the scale says 217.5.  Haven't been in the teens for more than six years. And I'm down 51 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't go for six week check up until Friday but I made my first WL goal today.  I weigh what I weighed the day I started Opti-fast 15 or so years ago!  To me that is a hughe milestone. Yeah for me.