KimmieD87

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Hello, hello!

Well, Wednesday was the day of the seminar. I was really hoping to make it back on that night to give an update, but I had to go to classes for 5 hours, then drive 2 hours away, attend the seminar, and come back home so I could go to classes again first thing in the morning. We didn't get home until late... so, heres the update.

The seminar went very well. It was very informative! I am so happy my boyfriend went with me. He is now very interested in bariatric surgery as well. For those who don't know (I think that may be all of you?), I live in Wyoming. I was astounded by the number of people at the seminar. I think there were 4 chairs left open in the room. I was expecting there to be just a couple other people. I was wrong!

At the seminar I decided to ask the surgeon how much of the process could be handled on a local level, and how much I would need to travel there for. I was very pleasantly surprised when he informed me that he has a satellite office here! That took a huge amount of stress away. Anyone who knows Wyoming winters knows they are unpredictable (at best), and travelling can be quite hazardous. I will only have to travel to see him for my endoscopy and for the surgery itself.

So... I did it! I got out of class early today and I called his office to schedule my consultation!! I was little bummed to find out that he was in town today, and won't be back until the end of next month. Then I remembered what a long process this is. I have no reason to be disappointed. I'm just excited that step one is done, and I'm well on my way to step two! 

Dietary changes I'm still struggling with. I'm doing great at not drinking my calories (unless I have a protein shake). I have cut out sodas, juices, etc. I never really would drink a lot of them anyway, so that wasn't a big deal. I am still struggling with having breakfast every day, especially the days that I have class early. Those are the worst days! I'm doing well with my time limits as well. I'm mostly focusing on my 5 minute limits at dinner time, because that tends to be when I over-do it. I have found that with drinking my water, then only eating for five minutes, then stepping away from my food for a few minutes... I actually do begin to feel full! It takes at least two minutes before the full/satisfied sensation kicks in, but it does happen. 

Also, a huge thank you for the link to the questions to ask my surgeon. I haven't had much of a chance to look at them, but I will be doing that as soon as I finish this blog. Thank you!!

I would like some thoughts on this last bit. I am a part of the Science Association in my school  and our faculty representative has requested we all do a presentation on something that is important to us or interests us. It doesn't have to be scientific in nature, but it is preferred. I am thinking of doing mine on bariatric surgery. Not only is it health related (I'm going to school for nursing), but it's scientific. Beyond that, I think there is a huge stigma around weight-loss surgery. I don't want to act like what I'm doing is a secret, because I'm not ashamed of it. It's important to me right now. It's where I'm at in my life at the moment. Frankly, I don't feel like I have any reason to be ashamed, but I do want to break the shell of silence that seems to surround bariatric surgery. Thoughts? Opinions? It only needs to be roughly a 5 minutes presentation, so it doesn't need to be huge. 

Anyhow, I hope everyone is doing well!

I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that this blog is actually being read! Thank you to those of you who are reading!

So, quick update before bed...

I guess I did a "fat person" thing. I decided I wasn't committing to that dietary change until I had my goodbye meal. What was it? Chinese. Chinese buffet, at that. I'm glad to say I got that done and out of the way and am sticking with the list provided by my doctor. I have come to tell myself that I only get 5 minutes to eat. I don't provide myself the option to continue past that, even though my doctor said I could set another 5 minutes timer. I feel it's unnecessary, and I feel like I'm cheating myself. Like the China Buffet wasn't cheating myself... yeah yeah, I know. I am sticking with breakfast, which is so hard! I don't like breakfast, unless it's for dinner.... but I've been making myself eat a Simple Truth Strained Greek Yogurt (Cherry) for breakfast. I shudder with every bite. I'm not a greek yogurt fan at all! I am slowly trying to transform my thinking from "I eat this because I love how it tastes" to "I eat this because it is a better option for my body". It's not an easy transformation, but I feel it is necessary. So... I choke the yogurt down, hoping that one day I might actually not dislike it. As for the rest? Still doing good at drinking primarily water, though today I had applejuice (shame). I am doing my best to eliminate white foods. I'm still mourning the loss of ranch dressing, ranch dip, ranch everything... I won't even lie. Don't worry, I'll get over it eventually. Still doing my best to drink at least half a liter before meals, and my oh my I'm amazed at how much that helps! I haven't started the weight lifting yet. My schedule has been insane lately. I know, I HAVE to make time, not excuses. So, there's that.

I know I said a "quick update", but I'm kind of long-winded. Sorry!

Tomorrow, after my classes (Algebra test tomorrow, say a prayer if that's your thing... or at least wish me luck please) the boyfriend and I will be going 2 hours out of town to attend the surgical seminar for the place I have chosen. I am not really sure what to expect... but I'm both anxious and nervous about it. Nervous, because it's the first contact with the surgeon. Anxious because... well DUH! I will do my best to update tomorrow, but I promise nothing. I probably won't get home until late, and I have early classes on Friday. I'm thinking the weekend might be more realistic. 

I went today to have my blood work done. There was no set date I had to have it done, just at least 2 days before my next appointment. Decided to get it done this morning, even though I said I would do it last week. Sh*t happens. I'm really curious to see what my numbers look like. He ordered two tests on my thyroid, an A1C, another blood sugar test, general wellness, something to check for infection, and my cholesterol. I'll let you all know when I hear something, which most likely won't be until my next appointment next month.

Last little bit here, I have been taking the medication for my blood pressure and I absolutely hate it. I feel very anxious a few hours after taking it. My heart RACES for hours... typically 120bpm resting. I could feel my heart just pouding today during class (had been sitting there for an hour), checked my BP and I was at 140bpm. That terrified me, I'm not even going to lie. I have never been afraid of the possibility of a heart attack, but now I really and truly am. I am going to contact my doctor tomorrow and see what he thinks. As well, I am continuously coughing and have a non-stop tickle in my throat, my stomach feels very acidic... and the first day it gave me diarrhea! In case anyone is wondering, it is Lisinopril and Hydrochlorothiazide that he has me on. 

So much for quick! Anyhow, I hope everyone is doing well, and I hope everyone is have success in whatever stage of their journey they are in. 

First, I have not been keeping up on here as much as I had originally hoped. I recently started school and I am still trying to find a balance between school work/studying, and my personal life. I know it's there somewhere lol.

Today I had my first appointment with my new physician. The doctor I was seeing prior, while I did like her, was very passive about certain issues that really needed more attention. For starters, my thyroid. Last I talked to her (roughly May) she informed me she was upping my Levothyroxin because my TSH was at 84. Yes, 84. I asked her if I needed to schedule out another appointment with her to check it again after a few months, she told me no that I didn't need another appointment. My new doctor about fell out of his seat when I told him that. He told me that I will never be able to lose any weight with my thyroid that far out of whack. He asked how I felt, and I explained to him how my moods have been, and my energy levels... I said he wasn't surprised at all to hear that. 

As well, he noted that my blood pressure was high... 144/80-something. So, guess who got put on medication for hypertension. All the more reason to go forward with this process!

Of course, I talked to the doctor about my intentions and desires regarding the weight loss surgery. Oddly enough, he informed me that he went to the same medical school as the surgeon I have selected. He gave me a bit of back story about the surgeon, told me that I made a great decision, and that he has had many other patients who have achieved massive success. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me that I need to lose 200lbs to get to my ideal weight for my height. He told me that with my medical issues there is no way I can do that. As he looked at me in the eyes he said, "you need this surgery... to save your own life." That hit home. 

Tomorrow I go in for a full blood panel. He wants to check my thyroid, A1C, and other stuff. He said we will have a lot to discuss at my next appointment. So much so that he requested I schedule that appointment at 4pm, so that he isn't rushed by other patients waiting. So, next appointment is 10/4 @ 4pm.

In the meantime, he gave me a list to begin working on...

1. Eat breakfast
   1. 25 grams protein
   2. Egg whites (  )
   3. Chicken/Tuna
   4. Greek yogurt
   5. Oatmeal 
2. Eliminate liquid calories & coffee creamers
3. Limit white foods (bread, noodles/pasta, rice, potatoes, milk)
4. 1/2 Liter H2O immediately before meals
5. Count down alarm on phone (This is a 5 minute alarm that I am to set when I sit down to eat. When the alarm goes off I am supposed to walk away from my food and wait a few minutes. If I am full, I am to stop eating. If I am not full, I can reset the timer for another 5 minutes and do it again.)
6. Weight lifting

I got this list at almost 4pm, so I used #4 and 5 tonight. It's amazing how hard it is to fight the urge to eat, even when you are telling yourself not to. I was full. I was full. Yet, I kept wanting to eat more. Thankfully, I didn't. But I really wanted to! I know this is a part of the process... not only changing the body, but changing the mind as well. 

Anyhow, thought I would throw an update out since something actually happened. Hope you are all doing well!

• September 13, 2017: Weight Loss Surgery Seminar with my surgeon of choice
• October 4, 2017: Next appointment with local physician

I have successfully completed the first step; contact!

After seeing so many people and their successes, both short and long term, I decided to contact the nearest weight loss surgery center (which happens to be 2 hours away). I was under the assumption that I needed a physician's referral prior to taking any steps with the surgeon. 

WRONG! 

I couldn't be happier that I called. I found out that no referral is necessary. What is required though is that I attend a free informative seminar hosted by the surgeon. Once my other half got home from work, I discussed with him what I found out. He was supportive in my decision to go ahead and reserve a spot in that seminar. Much to my surprise, not only did he support me, but he is coming with me! I had such a flood of emotions as I entered our information... anxiety, nerves, my stomach was in knots... but most of all, I was excited and hopeful (and a little bit scared, I won't lie).

I have watched the informational video on the hospital's website. I thought I knew quite a bit after the research I have done, but I still took more information from the video. I have also been trying to make contact with people who have had bariatric surgery. I want to know their story. I want to see their progress. I want to be informed. I had a nice long conversation with someone today who has successfully lost 12 pant sizes in 1 year. Today was the 1 year mark from her procedure!! It's amazing to see her success. I am joining support groups. I'm trying to make connections here (so if you get a message from me, sorry lol).

Anyhow, just wanted to update. I'll most likely be documenting a lot. I'm kind of long-winded (my poor boyfriend), and I enjoy blogging. Plus, I hope to one day look back and this and remember where I once was... and where I will never be again. *fingers crossed*

Seminar date: Wednesday, September 13, 2017 @ 5:30pm. 

    Though I am new to Obesity Help, I am most definitely not new to attepting to lose weight. I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I am used to being treated differently, by friends and family. I am used to the looks from strangers, and especially small children. I got used to a lot of the social issues that come along with being morbidly obese. There are certain things I wasn't prepared for though...

     I guess I'll give a little insight as to who I am... so we will start back in the beginning...

     Hi! Nice to "meet" you! I'm Kim. I was born a second child, but raised as an only child. I am my mother's middle child, right between two tall, thin brothers. I am my father's only child. My parents separated when I was 3 years old, which really was for the best for all involved. My father had full custody of me; he and his (now) ex-girlfriend raised me until I was 16. My mom was not absent from my life, though. She has always been there, and we have always had a healthy relationship. We talked on the phone religiously, every Sunday evening... and any other time I felt like calling her. I would also go visit her every summer, and sometimes for Christmas. My mom blames herself and my father for my weight issues, but I try to tell her it really isn't that big of a deal. I wish I could actually make her understand that my weight is no one's fault but my own. 

     Honestly, I've been big my whole life. In elementary school I was called names like "Free Willy". Kids really are ruthless. I was treated differently by my grandmother. She never took me shopping for school clothes like she did my cousins. She never wanted to take me out of town like the rest. I was always kind of treated like the black sheep.  Through high school I was always a bigger girl (though I'd love to go back to that now). I was always yoyoing from 210-240 lbs. I've also always held my weight well. I guess I could consider myself lucky that my weight is pretty evenly distributed (minus my flat booty haha). In high school, I didn't party, I didn't drink, I didn't do drugs. I was a good girl... until I turned 17.

     At 17 there was a major event in my life, and I took a dive from there. I ran away, started drinking, smoking, etc. The actions of 2 other people really did help shape the rest of my life; and while it might have hurt at the time, I am thankful for what I have now. At 17 I got pregnant. My son was born when I was 18. Prior to that pregnancy, I weighed roughly 220lbs. I ended up having to have an emergency c-section. It was, without a doubt, the worst physical experience I've ever had. Anesthesia didn't work properly and I ended up feeling the entire procedure, from the first cut to the last staple. Anyhow, roughly a year after my son was born, I had gained roughly 40 lbs. I continued to slowly creep up. 

     In 2010 our family suffered a major loss. My nephew passed at the age of 12. The day after his funeral I found out I was pregnant. I never thought I would cry sad tears due to a pregnancy. I felt so selfish to be having a child, after my brother lost his. Unfortunately, my daughter, Persephone, was still-born in January 2011. There was no explanation for why I lost her. Tests were ran, results were normal. (Odd fact: Every woman on my mom's side of our family has lost their second pregnancy.)

     February 29, 2012, I had a major knee injury. I had what seemed like a simple fall, and ended up tearing my MCL, PCL, ACL, and  meniscus. I have never fully recovered from that injury. My knee sounds like it belongs to a 90 year old every time I squat down and stand up. It hurts, almost constantly. My entire leg from the knee down is also always swollen.  Shortly after that, I ended up getting pregnant. Througout my third pregnancy I consistently lost weight, lucky me! I ended up having to have another c-section... and my very healthy 8lb 14.1oz baby was here! After my youngest son was born, I seemed to top out right around 270 lbs.

     I knew my relationship was at a pivotal point. Things had been bad for a very long time, and there was no signs of our relationship, or our lives together, improving. After 8 years of fighting, him cheating, and him in and out of jail, the father of my children and I split up. It was my decision to end the relationship. He and I brought out the worst in eachother, and our children deserved better than the life we were providing for them together. I knew alone was better than that.

     Luckily, in 2014, I met my current boyfriend. He accepted my children and I into his home and his life. Life isn't perfect, but we are in it together... and it sure is better than how it had been prior. My current boyfriend is the first overweight person I have ever dated. As well, I am the first very obese girl he ever dated. We have tried many times to lose weight. We work out, we try to eat right, we have even done juice fasting. I might lose some weight, but I eventually gain it back, plus even more.

     In February or March I finally decided it was time to go to the doctor. First time since my now 4 year old son was born. It was then that I was diagnosed with PCOS and hypothyroidism. I was put on medications for those, as well as medications to treat my depression. I was hopeful that with medication I would finally start to see a shift! Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. At my last appointment, we actually found out that my thyroid is getting worse; despite me being on Levothyroxin, my TSH is at 84. No weight has been lost. As a matter of fact, I'm still gaining. 

     Brooke, a friend of mine, reached out to me a few weeks ago. She has been struggling with some medical issues; and she is also battling her weight. She and I have discussed our weight, and our battles with our weight, at length. She reached out to me one day and asked me what I thought of bariatric surgery. (Trigger Warning) At the time, I told her I thought it was taking the easy way out. She told me that it was something she was considering, after getting other medical issues resolved first. Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned, and she is actually going to have to have the surgery first. She and I got to discussing it more, and I explained how my thoughts on it had changed. How it's not taking the easy way out, because a person still has to change their life style in order to keep the weight off and maintain a healthy life. 

     When discussing our medical issues and our weight again, she asked me if I ever have considered bariatric surgery. I told her no, but only because I didn't think I could afford it, and I was certain my insurance wouldn't cover it. She advised me to look into it, if it was something I might be interested in. I decided to humor the idea, and began doing a bit of research. I was shocked to find that my insurance actually does cover the surgery. From there, I began researching and researching. So, at over 360lbs and a BMI over 55, I am now looking into the procedures. 

      Going back to the beginning... the things I wasn't prepared for... the inability to go up a flight of stairs without being winded, hypertension by 30 years old, having an array of medications I have to take every day - multiple times, having my son get in trouble at school because he was defending me against some twerp who was giving him hell about his fat mom, having to worry if I can fit into a chair, as I enter college I'm worrying about fitting into desks. I'm also hit by the realization that I can no longer buy jeans in my size in the town I live in, thus leaving me to wear sweats most of the time. I wasn't prepared for the extreme loss of any self confidence, I wasn't prepared for other physical issues that come along with obsesity (we won't discuss those in detail right now). 

     It's easy to put up that wall and pretend like the reality of being fat doesn't hurt, but it does. I like to pretend that those sideways glances and nasty comments under people's breath don't bother me, but they do. I tried telling myself that my weight wasn't affecting my health or my realtionships, but it does. I tried telling myself that I didn't need help, but I do.

     My goal is to document everything, from beginning until... whenever. I will talk about uncomfortable topics, I will ramble about who-knows-what sometimes. Most of all, I hope to document success, as well as any setbacks.