Ambelina

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12/23/09 - Starting weight today - 261.  Can't wait to see what 2-4-9 looks like on a scale, so that is my goal.  And I think I've hit Bandster Hell, so I hope my goal is not too lofty.  Scared!

Jan 4: 260lbs - down 1 with 11 lbs to goal... Goal seems a little lofty at the moment, but I'm motivated!

Jan 11: 259lbs - down another 1 lb.  I had no idea how challenging this "challenge" would be without restriction.  Yikes!  I was pretty down on Saturday, but pulling myself out of it kicking & screaming.  My poor DH!  Continues to put up with me patiently.  No wonder he's out in his wood-shop more lately :o)  My first fill is coming up this Wednesday.  Hope it helps.  At the rate I'm losing - my goal was waayyyyy too major. 

Jan 18:

Jan 25:

Feb 1:

Feb 8:

They had me start on the night of Thanksgiving (let me eat dinner with the family  - as long as it was an early dinner).  So I have my protein powder, fat free yogurt is allowed, lots of water, tomato soup.  So today has been my second whole day.  A friend of mine showed up from out of town this weekend and was really looking forward to some fresh salmon for dinner (we're on the West Coast & she is from Indiana).  So we took her out to dinner, and for me we asked for one of their "special of the day" soups - only strained.  He looked at me..... ? Huh?  And rather than going into everything, my friend just said, "she can't chew".  So right away, he picked out his favorite soup, strained it, and brought it too me. 

The strained soup worked well.  It's important to me that I'm not whining to anyone else about this or drooling over anyone's baked potato's (although the fresh sourdough bread brought to the table about brought me to my knees).  But anyhow, I survived abstaining from pizza at a poker party Friday night (brought my protein drink to the poker game); survived chinese food family dinner Saturday night (strained egg flower soup); and took my friend out for a nice dinner tonight.  Today has definitely been more challenging than the last two days.  I need to look at why... It's definitely not real hunger.  I want to eat/chew & am thinking about why...

Surgery is now less than a week away.  Time dragged for so long and then Bam!  I'm knocking at the door. 

Met with the dietician again yesterday and my liquid diet started last night (she allowed for an early Thanksgiving dinner).  Yesterday was weird & at times it was hard.  But I got through it trying to keep the rules in mind.  I only ate if I was sitting at the table.  At one point I forgot & my sister-in-law quietly reminded me.  That was cool.  I wasn't even thinking about it.  For the dinner, I stuck with one serving of all the fav's... not two spoonfuls, and no seconds. 

At last DH is home (been out of town for quite a while) and he went to the pre-op class with me.  So he was helping me this morning trying to figure out how to start my liquid diet.  Sure is nice to help.  He was worried about eating in front of me at breakfast time, but I figured we might as well get used too it now.  His concern is appreciated, but I don't want this to change our "together-time".  Once I'm back to foods again, we'll pretty much be eating the same as he has decided to start eating healthier and working out as well.  Bless him - the rat can walk by a gym, look in the window, and drop 10 lbs!  And when he works out?  Geesh!  He'll be dropping pounds probably more then I will when my band starts kicking in.  But I am actually glad for him that it can work that way.  I don't wish the need for WLS on anyone.  But I am so incredibly greatful that it is an option now for those of us who need it.

Last night, I spoke with my oldest sister and told her what I'm up too.  She's the last part of the family that I hadn't yet told (well, there are some that I'm just not going to discuss it with as their negativity is too overwhelming).  Angie may have negativity, but it would be out of love and concern. 

It was great!  Everyone in the office was really cool and really supportive.  My husband wasn't able to come, so my Mom attended as my support person.  They treated her as gracious as they treated me.  The CNA went over quite a bit of information.  Then the Nurse case mgr came in and went over even more information - plus going over a lot of my medical history.  Answering questions from us as they came up.  Then Dr. Nair came in after reviewing my file as well. 

I was impressed by multiple things.  They were all providing information, as well as a binder that I'm to keep with me as I take this journey.  Dr. Nair spent quite a bit of time with us, going over the procedure as well as answering my list of questions.  One part of this journey that has been difficult for me is the eternal question, bypass?  Or lapband?  I'd already ruled out the other surgeries.  And I have friends who have been very successful with the bypass.  I understand they cannot make that decision for me, but I asked what he looks for in a good bypass candidate as well as what they look for in a good lapband candidates.  And in his answers, I really became more comfortable with my decision.  I think I would do great with they bypass, but I also think I'll do really well with my band.  It is going to take more work, more willpower, and more excercise, but I'm good with that. 

So my new life will be hopefully be starting before the end of the year!!!  I have a lot of work to do... more learning, videos to watch; meet with the nutritionist, counselor, and physical therapist;  medical information to gather from my PCP and CPAP doctor; need to go to at least two support group meetings before they'll schedule me; and lose 5% weight... 13lbs.  But I also know I'm not alone.  The RN case mgr set to keep in touch with her regularly and if I come up with any resistance, she'll see how she can help. 
 
ith their preop and postop program, I am definitely not alone on this journey!

Just got back home from a trip to Kansas... which was surprisingly beautiful by the way.  Having grown up on the west coast, I've had a preconceived notion of the midwest.  I was in the Wichita area and we went out driving around to outlying small towns.  The people couldn't have been friendlier and the landscape was really beautiful.  Although I love our mountains and oceans here on the West Coast - the sunrises and sunsets in Kansas were amazing.

But the purpose of this entry is another motivating factor in weight loss.  Airplanes.  I've really grown to dread (dread? or dred?) flying over the last few years.  The looks from others as they're waiting to see if they're going to get stuck with you squished in beside them... and then there was the guy who was purposefully avoiding my gaze.  So I go to my window seat in row 17... another guy comes up heavier then me and he's in the middle.  Very grumpy man as well.  Deflecting?  Likely.  And then Mr Aisle Seat comes along.  So our plane is going up (always a moment of terror for me) and I'm praying we level off soon.  Oh, did I forget to say that it took so long to get thru checking in my bag & then security that I didn't have time to pee till I got to the gate?  And then guess what?  The ladies room right outside my gate was closed for repair!!!  Cosmic joke? 

So I'm sitting there praying we level off soon, and feeling horrible cuz Mr. Aisle Seat is fast asleep (7am flight), and Mr. Grumpy was, well, grumpy.  And I was going to need to disturb them.  Maybe I could hold it for another hour?  Seat belt light dinged & went off... and my bladder hit danger level.  Tapped Mr. Grumpy on the shoulder & he was less than pleased... he woke Mr. Aisle Seat who could not have been more gracious.  I swear, God sent me an angel on the plane.  His smile was genuine & his manner was amazing.  Same when I returned to disturb them to get back to my seat.  After his smile and calming manner, I was even not as nervous about the fact that I was 35,000 feet in the air.  And something amazing happened.  I actually fell asleep for the rest of my flight.  And I also felt bad for Mr. Grumpy.  Was he grumpy because he was miserable in that seat?  We all handle things differently.  Maybe he was playing off my passiveness and matching it with agression.

Either way, three people in a small row of seats on a plane.  One large person is embarrassed & wish she could suck it all in, hide, and just be thankful she could get her seatbelt on; One large person is very grumpy and obviously unhappy; and one average sized person sitting with us is a positive and uplifting spirit who was completely nonplussed by the whole situation.  It's all in eye of the beholder. As walked off that flight and headed for my next gate, I pulled my shoulders back, stood up a little straighter, and got on my next plane with my head held high.  And you know what?  My seat partner on the 2nd leg of the flight was a pilot for the airline taking a hop home... so friendly & nice, observed my fear of flying, patiently answered questions about planes & turbulence (my biggest flight phobia), and then?  I fell asleep again!!!  Seriously - I never sleep on planes.  Next thing I remember was awaking to the voice of our planes captain announcing we were coming into Pdx... the captain sitting next to me just smiled & said "Good morning".  Angels are everywhere.

Excited; nervous; weird mix of emotions.  This will be my first one-on-one appointment with the surgeon.  If this goes well, then I'll meet with the NUT & the counselor.  If that goes well, I think I'll get my surgery date at that point. 

Hard to be a self-pay.  My husband is so amazingly supportive to back me up on this.  My insurance covers bariatric surgery, but they only do it thru their own hospital.  And their hospital in Oregon only does the RNY bypass.  Not sure why.  They have hospitals in Northern Calif that I checked out (used to live there) and they do lapband as well as RNY.  On the plus side, is that my surgeon has a good reputation, and couldn't be more local - just two (very long) blocks from my office.  I look forward to being able to walk there as time goes on - without having the pain in my knees and bad foot - and without being so out of breath.  That'd rock!



 

Kind of a bummer, but it was a busy week.  My appointment with my surgeon was postponed from last week till next week.  His office called & a surgery came up.  Can't argue that.  If I were the one needing him, I'd be glad he was able to postpone appts to take care of me. 

So I'll meet with him at the end of next week.  Looking forward too it!  This is for my lapband.  There are other appointments I know I'll  need to do, with the NUT & the counselor... I just hope I'm able to have my surgery before the end of the year.  I'd really like this New Years to be a big turning point for me.  Just turned 42 a few weeks ago, so 43 is looking good so far!

So yesterday I dropped off the paperwork at the Bariatric Center and they called me today to setup my appointment.  Come the end of the month, I'll be meeting Dr. Nair.  Yay!  Now I've remembered another part of the program... I also need to lose (I think) 5% before they'll schedule surgery.  I cannot remember if this is 5% of the excess body weight or 5% of total weight.  I'll need to check.  My goal is for my lapband by the end of the year.  Needing to lose weight is obviously NOT one of my strong points - but then again - I guess I'm not too bad at losing some weight.  I'm just not great at losing a lot - and then keeping it off.  So I CAN DO THIS!  But I need to wait for the appt with Dr. Nair first. 

So I've made some decisions, finally.  Constantly considering the differences betwen the lap band and the RNY, I gave it a lot of thought and decided on going for the band.  It is just the option I feel the most comfortable with.  Telling my husband was the hardest part - as the band is not the option that our insurance will pay for.  Our insurance will pay for after care, or care for potential complications, but not the band placement.  And my DH is sooooo supportive.... I'm so lucky to have him.

Another choice made is that I will be having this done here in our home town.  So there will be no travel involved for the surgery or for the fill appointments. 

It's such a weight off my shoulders (no pun intended) to have made these decisions.

This afternoon, on my way back into town from the insurance meeting I attended for the bypass, I dropped off my paperwork at our hospitals Bariatric Center.  It was my first time going in there and the staff was very courteous.  She reviewed the paperwork and said they'd call me in a few days to schedule the first evaluation.  How cool it was to get this going!!!! 

The Kaiser Obesity meeting is a week and a half away for me.  My Mom will be going as my husband is out of town for work.  My Mother-in-Law is coming as well.  Family is great!  But I am nervous.  Silly.  It's just a meeting - another step in the process.  Is nervousness actually an emotion?

RNY is still listed as my first choice for the procedure.  However, I am continuing my research.  I figure if it takes me a few months to a year or so to research and choose a car, then my body deserves even more consideration.