Pre Christmas weigh-in

Dec 20, 2007

Well, today was my last weigh-in before Christmas and also my last weigh-in with the consultant I have right now.  It was tearful for me.  I didn't expect to get attached or connect with her but I did.  Everything happens for reason as I'm sure this is too.  I got this far and I'm going to do my best to keep going.

I lost 2.4 pounds this week which puts me at 40.4 pounds lost since August 23, 2007.  I will not be weighing in again until January 3rd, 2008.  2008!  You've got to be kidding me!  LOL  Anyway, I must make sure that I don't use this as a free pass to eat.  There was a little pang in my gut when I was on my way home this morning that said, "I'm free".  Woah!  I didn't expect that.  I admitted during my session that I'm a little scared about the holidays.  I'm more scared of how I will react and handle myself although I've vowed to not beat myself up over anything.  If I want to indulge in something I will do so and not feel guilty about it, but it will be a conscious decision to do that.  It won't be about binging or overindulging.

My challenges the next two weeks will be sticking to my vow and trying to make sure I get in a good amount of activity.  I definitely don't want to fall out of my routine.  As a matter of fact, my "last chance" workout yesterday was a biggie.  At the end of the day my pedometer was at 15,203.  That is a big number for me.

So Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and joyous holidays for those who might be celebrating something different!

Not sure if I'll reach the milestone by Christmas

Dec 13, 2007

Well, it will be there after Christmas anyway.

I lost another 1.4 pounds for a total of 38 pounds.  It would be nice to get to 40 pounds lost by Christmas but I will feel accomplished to maintain.  The season (the excuse, LOL) lasts a wee bit longer for me because my birthday is 2 weeks after Christmas.  Many years I would use this as an excuse but not this year!

My counselor that I see is leaving and I will have to try someone new.  I am not happy about it although I don't place blame.  I'm just concerned about keeping on track.  I do realize that it all comes down to me doing it.  It's just the mindgame that I am playing with myself.  I give her a lot of credit because I was very skeptical that I would be successful and end up going for weight loss surgery.  I vowed to not put too much stock in "support" and realize that I had to do it on my own. 

The other thing I notice is that others seem to drop drastically in size and I can't really figure out why I'm not.  I work out and the inches are literally flying off but I went to Lane Bryant Outlet the other day and couldn't fit into a 26 which makes absolutely no sense to me.  Size numbers really don't mean anything because they aren't consistent within one store never mind from store to store but I do get a little frustrated to not have that satisfaction yet.  My size 28 stretch jeans barely fit me when I started-they were TIGHT!  They are getting too big.  Today I went to the bathroom and didn't even realize that I pulled them down without unbuttoning or unzipping them, LOL.  They also drag on the floor or the ground now.  I don't know, maybe it's because I am shrinking consistently all over and not drastically in one place.  I've noticed more of a difference in shirts though.  I'm in to mostly 2x shirts now.  I really did this for health reasons so the appearance is secondary.

My family has asked me if I feel any different and it has been so gradual that I don't usually notice.  Once in a while I will think to myself that I couldn't do something before.  Then I play this defeating game that maybe I just wasn't pushing myself hard enough.  It's good that I'm aware of it but I know I still need to work on that a lot.  I do feel successful in that I'm addressing a lot of my issues as well as my overall physical health.

I still can't believe that I am doing it without weight loss surgery.  It really warms my heart to know I found the strength within myself to make the changes that I needed to before submitting to that type of intervention.  I really hope and pray that I will continue on this course and reach a healthy weight  for me without it.  Only time will tell.  It's one day at a time.  Sometimes it is one bite at a time.

Really I thought people would have noticed a difference but not really.  My family does but they see me every day and I ask weekly if I look different and sometimes they say something on their own but not a peep out of anyone else.  I guess sometimes it would be motivating to get positive feedback.  It surprises me knowing that I've lost nearly a yardstick just in my middle (from bust to hips-4 measurements).  Well, maybe in another 10 or 20 pounds it will happen.  It doesn't really matter, I suppose, since I'm doing this for myself.  That is probably why I've gotten as far as I have.

week by week listing

Dec 06, 2007

I weighed in today and was updating my info and thought I would include it here.  It sounds like a lot all together but it really was lost a little bit at a time :)

Beth 36, 5'8"
Pembroke Pines, FL
SW 323.2 (yikes!)8/23/07
CW 286.6 (total loss 36.6) 12/6/07
GW 200 (I will probably lose more but I've never been this low as an adult)

WK1      319.6        8/30        (loss 3.6)
WK2      315.4        9/6          (loss 4.2)
WK3      314.8        9/13        (loss 0.6)
WK4      312.0        9/20        -2.8 & 13.25" lost
WK5      308.6        9/27         (loss 3.4)
WK6      305.4        10/4         (loss 3.2)
WK7      302.6        10/11       (loss 2.8)
WK8      299.2        10/18      -3.4 & 22.25"
WK9      298.2        10/25       (loss 1)
WK10    too sick to go :(
WK11    293.0        11/8         (loss 5.2)
WK12    292.0        11/15       (loss 1)
WK13    Thanksgiving
WK14    290.6        11/29      -1.4 & 27.25"
WK15    286.6        12/6          (loss 4)


update

Dec 03, 2007

Losses
32.6 pounds since August 23, 2007
27.25 inches hips, abdomen, waist and chest

progress pics in photos too!

1 more pound

Nov 15, 2007

One pound less this week.  That was good b/c the last few weeks have been stressful and distracting and I was afraid that it might catch up to me.  This week I have gotten back on track.  My weigh in next week is Friday (day after Thanksgiving) and I'm shooting to stay the same and hope that the following week I can be in the 280s.
To be able to handle stressful situations and distractions without gaining weight ( and lose even ) is a big accomplishment for me.  I know that these are the things I really need to focus on because it is so important to maintain the weight loss.  Every time I've gained it has been because I did not stay on top of it.  I'll have to treat it like any other disease and monitor my weight regularly and take care of myself.

In 12 weeks (start Aug 23rd) I've lost 31.2 pounds.  6 months ago I really believed that I would not be able to lose 10 pounds without weight loss surgery so, in some ways, I'm astonished by my progress.  I'm not losing it as fast, but I'm using the skills I would have used after surgery anyway and the more I practice the better I will get at it.

temporary fixes don't work

Nov 09, 2007

I've lost a total of 30.2 pounds since August 23rd, 2007.  Definitely not as fast as weight loss surgery but I must admit that I didn't think I could do it "one more time" but apparently I can, LOL.  I got sick a couple of weeks ago and that would have sent me way off track before, but it didn't this time.  I think a huge difference is that I don't look at this as a temporary thing.  Another thing that is related is that deprivation does not work for me.  Once I take away my emotions from the food, if I still want something I do eat it.  I find often that it isn't about the food at all. 

Once a week I go out to eat and get whatever I want in a reasonable portion.  When I would go out to eat before I would eat my burger and fries and a tasty dessert.  Usually I don't get dessert any more.  I'm usually full from my meal and tell myself that I can have a small dessert at home later if I want.  Of course there are times when I do get a craving for sweets and I fulfill it, but I've noticed that if it's starting to become I trend I try to shift my course.  It's been working so far and I hope it continues to work.

It isn't easy.  When I started getting over being sick I noticed that I wanted to eat all sorts of things.  I think it was a habit of celebrating feeling better.  I really had to focus on not going crazy with the food after that.

It is still overwhelming and scary to be losing the weight (AGAIN) and hoping that I can keep it off but I would say that I am more conscious this time that I can't go back to my old ways-that relationship with food has to be over now.  If I am able to lose the weight and keep it off it will be very empowering for me to have done it without the surgery b/c I truly did not believe I had the will to.  I guess time will tell.

update

Oct 21, 2007

I've made a commitment to change my lifestyle and adopt a lifelong healthy diet.  I'm trying not to focus on restriction any more, but moderation.  I know, it sounds so clichè but it seems to be working so far.  The weight is definitely not coming off as fast as it would of if I had surgery but I'm making the same type of changes I would have to have made with surgery to make it work long term. 
So far I have lost 24 pounds and 22.25" (based on four measurements chest, waist, abdomen and hips).  Since I started 8 weeks ago I've had fast food twice, which is a stark contrast to before where I would eat it daily.  The things that I am starting to notice now is that I am not constantly thinking about food.  While I still get the munchies once in a while, it's not a focus or an obsession like it was.  It doesn't mean there won't be challenges and I've definitely had some already but I try to get back on track right away.

I hope you gals and guys are also doing well.  Skinny vibes!!!

progress report

Oct 11, 2007

I lost 2.8 pounds this week.  My total since August 23rd is 20.6 pounds.  I will do measurements next week.  My size 26 Avenue pants that I bought a few weeks ago are almost falling off.  I don't have to unbutton or unzip them to pull them down so I'll have to be sure to stay away from pranksters.  Luckily, my butt still holds them up when I walk.   I'm now getting lost in 30s, dancing out of 28s and swimming in 26s.  I suppose I should try on some 24s.  I'm not buying any more clothes for a while b/c it is too frustrating to wear it for a month or so. It still seems so odd to me b/c I see that number and think, "I've only lost 20 pounds"  The exercise is really working on my size.  I think all this recent weight is fluffy fat and I'm building me some nice lean muscle, YAY-speeds up the metaby!

On a side note.  I was thinking about how other people look at us.  For instance, at a restaurant.  People assume that we must consume massive quantities of food on a daily basis.  Even though I have a past that involves binging, I actually didn't always consume large quantities of food.  Often I would eat 2 meals a day and they weren't unusually large meals.  The quality wasn't always the best and sometimes it was good stuff.  I would eat a Boar's Head Turkey sandwich (made at home) with some lettuce and a little mayo (not a big condiment person) on rye bread and maybe some chips or something.  Not a diet meal, but not what the average person would picture a morbidly obese person eating.  When I used to binge I would also starve myself to cover the calories often.  This really screws with metabolism, btw.
 

Accomplishment and the road ahead

Oct 05, 2007

Since I committed to doing this full on I've been thinking about it a lot.  I was prepared for that b/c I always get obsessed about weight loss.  It's finally gotten to a more manageable point but I still look at the number lost and think that's such a small number so I have to use comparisons and really convince myself that it is huge progress in the right direction.  It's so much more than the numbers on a scale but we have been so trained to look at that number.

I've lost:
about 12% of what I would like to lose (150 pounds)
71.2 sticks of butter
nearly 18 bags of flour
my craving for fast food
more than 15 inches

I've gained:
energy
strength
muscle
confidence
a healthier way of life

Of course it is still a struggle but I have to take time to focus on the positive things that have changed.  Am I a 100% stickler-NOPE, not by a long shot.  I don't think I would last if I did though.  I've tried to find a balance that works for me so that I will do my best to keep this going for a lifetime.  It really isn't about being perfect.

Today I am wearing Avenue size 26 cargo pants and a regular store size 3X (more like an Avenue 2X).  It may sound totally huge to some but to me it is a great accomplishment.  I couldn't believe I let myself go to the point where I could not find anything to fit me in the Avenue!  They have a very limited selection in 28-32 and even in what they did have, I could not find anything that fit and looked OK enough to buy.  That was devastating to me.  That was in April or May.  I started walking the dogs with my dad and trying to cut back as soon as that happened but I knew that wasn't enough.  I started looking into surgery for the 2nd or 3rd time and realized that if I wanted it I would have to pay for it and deal with the consequences and possible complications.  That is when I decided to give it one more traditional try.  I knew I had to change my lifestyle with surgery or without it so I figured the was no harm in trying to do it on my own.

I never thought that about 18 pounds would make that much of a difference.  I'm convinced that I've gained muscle and that makes a huge difference in that it takes up less space and the bonus of more calories burned :) YAY!  That part only happened b/c I have really been focusing on physical fitness.  I try to do aerobics that burn fat and tone.  When I lose some more weight I will start using my Pilates equipment and add more flexibility.

I'm really appreciative that I had the opportunity to improve my well being on my own terms.  It makes me feel accomplished to know that I have some control over my life.  I hope this post doesn't sound too serious.  I just had to share my progress.  Too much of my time had been spent thinking "only 17.8 pounds"  What was I thinking?!?!

a few more

Oct 04, 2007

-3.2 pounds

17.8 pounds total so far since August 23, 2007. Not lightning fast like WLS but it's a start and not too shabby!

I don't really know what else to say so I'll leave it at this for now.

About Me
Pembroke Pines, FL
Location
44.4
BMI
Jul 28, 2007
Member Since

Friends 13

Latest Blog 22
Pre Christmas weigh-in
Not sure if I'll reach the milestone by Christmas
week by week listing
update
1 more pound
temporary fixes don't work
update
progress report
Accomplishment and the road ahead
a few more

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