anna1916

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Apparently, I look like crap.  We went with some of the people from my WLS support group to dinner and a movie Sunday, and one of my friends from the group phoned me on Monday to tell me I look awful and I'd better get with the program.

Honestly, I'm not with a program.  I hate food.  I fear food.  I manage to maintain my weight at about 160 pounds right now because I know I can eat pretzels without getting sick, and I know I can eat soup and protein bars.  Other than that, I tend to avoid ALL foods.  I'm awful at taking the necessary vitamins - the occasional multivitamin gets in, but I forget more often than I remember, and I have bottles of other supplements I haven't opened yet.

I am buying myself a pill box this week, and making every effort to get it together.  I bought yogurt today - something I don't eat, but will try.  I bought soy milk and bananas to make a protein shake more tolerable.  

And I found out that I have friends.  People who love me and worry about me.  And I have that to be thankful for this holiday season.

I cannot believe how fast I've come so far!  

My 1 year anniversary is on August 1st, and as of this morning, I weigh 140 pounds less than I did on August 1st of last year.  I weigh less now than I did when I got married nearly 17 years ago.  I could almost cry!

The year has not been without it's trials and tribulations.  I still battle food demons, except that now, instead of wanting to eat everything I see, I fear a lot of the things I used to love.  I have found foods that I am comfortable with, and even though they are not all good choices, I consider them safe.  I have fought with my husband over choosing restaurants to eat in where I am completely unable to find food I am comfortable with, and I have cried over not being able to eat birthday cake, Halloween candy, Christmas cookies, Easter Peeps, and the chocolate covered strawberried my husband usually gets on our anniversary.  

I have hanging, ugly skin that really detracts from how good I should feel about my body.  My arms are like bat wings, and the apron I had hanging down to my thighs still hangs - although maybe not as low.  I know plastic surgery will go a long way to fixing some of these issues, and I look forward to it - maybe when I pay for my kids' college tuitions!

But with all that I've gone through, I have gained so much more than I thought I could.  Never a very confident person, I now feel much better able to face the world in this new body.  Clothed, I think I look pretty good much of the time.  And I've had people who didn't know me fat tell me I don't look like I ever was fat.  

Dr. Nusbaum is my hero.  Not only does he seem like a darn nice guy, he saved my life.  I was spiraling out of control, eating everything I could wrap my face around, dying a slow and painful death from diabetes and high blood pressure.  I'm not anymore, and I can never thank him enough for what he's given me. 

Do I recommend this surgery to everyone I know?  No.  This surgery is not the easy way out.  This is not for the faint of heart.  This is not for sissies.  Would I do it again?  In a heartbeat.

Wow I had no idea I posted so little over on these boards!

So it's summer time - and I have been spending my free weekends doing 4 mile walks around the local lake with my hubby.  It's such great fun, a good time to talk about things, and we take the baby with us, which is great for her.  

I neglected to mention my one complication - small bowel obstruction caused by adhesions.  I went to the ER back in February with terrible stomach pains.  I let them build up for a few hours, thinking at first I was dumping something, but when it became obvious that something else was going on, Jim took me to the emergency room.  I ended up having surgery and spent a week in the hospital.  Not fun, but the adhesions could have been caused by other abdominal surgeries - c-sections, gallbladder, even kidney stone removal.  I'm hopeful it won't happen again.

I now weigh in between 157 and 160 most days - haven't gone over 160, not even after a 2 week cruise!  You won't believe how much walking I did on that cruise without breaking a sweat.  I was so happy.

My aunt is having a duodenal switch done on July 16th.  I'm so proud of her for making the decision to do something like this for herself, but I get a little uncomfortable when someone says they are doing this because of me.  God forbid something should go wrong, I know I'll feel like it was all my fault.  

We're heading to Milwaukee next week to spend a few days with Jim, since he's working out there now, and we plan to go to Orlando and Milwaukee again in August.  I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin now.

Oh - and I can wear a SIZE TEN in Gap jeans!!  Holy feckin' cow!

Well, how time flies!  On my scale this morning, I weighed 160 pounds.  That is a whopping 135 pounds gone since August 1st.  I feel good 99% of the time, and the one percent I don't feel good are usually days when I've done too much at the gym.

I find myself with more energy to clean my house.  I know that sounds really dumb, but I have used every excuse in the book to keep a housekeeper at least once every other week.  It actually feels good and gives me a sense of accomplishing something to get stuff done by myself.  No, I have not developed a fondness for scrubbing toilets or an addiction to the scent of Pine-Sol.  But it does feel good to look at a clean room and know I did it, I'm not sweating and huffing and puffing, and DYFS is held at bay for another day.

I am not enjoying the shopping as much as I had hoped I would.  I love buying things at Victoria's Secret, because no one really sees those things.  But in terms of real clothes that people will see me in, well, I just don't look good in a lot of things.  I don't want to wear baggy stuff, but I still find myself sometimes leaning towards the baggy stuff - like an old security blanket.  

And I'm getting interested in plastic surgery.  I want it done and can't wait to have it.  I feel like there is still a whole new me under all this saggy skin.

So, for 9 months out, here are my stats:

Start Weight 295
Current Weight 160
Start BMI 44.8
Current BMI 24.3

Hair - falling out, very thin, and no where near as nice as it used to be

Inches lost - 71.5

Dress size at start 26
Current Dress size 12/14 (and I think a 10 if I didn't have this damn baggy hangy belly)