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Day 82...WOW! Seems just like yesterday I started this journey! I am not going to lie, I haven't been dieting and exercising this whole time..although if I was, id prolly be close to my goal size/weight...but oh well, im still losing amd not gaining so thats better than anything! This journey has effected me in so many ways its crazy...there have been days where ive wanted to quit and give up, when id push my limits, when id binge, it hasnt been a piece of cake (hahaha thats what got me here in the first place)...I have tried new workouts and recipes, I have personal battles that I have faced, fought (and continue to fight, just mot as often) and conquered...but most importantly I have finally found self acceptance. I have found that its ok to be bigger, but i dont want to stay like this forever. Its ok to eat healthy, its ok to eat crap. Its ok to workout like a beast or just take a stroll up and down the driveway...its ok to buy used or cheap clothes (goodwill, ross, value village, etc), because no mayter what size you are, you still need to look and feel good about yourself. And getting rid of those clothes you just bought cuz they are too big, is a good reminder to never let yourself get that way again, throwing away clothes is like throwing away the fatty past. So even if the process and journey is slow, you are in control no matter what and dont give up!!

wow, can't believe I haven't blogged since Day 46! I kinda went on a lil hiatus from social media for a while due to an abundance of busyness! I have two kids (7&2) and hubby, so between school starting, soccer, college for me, hubbys new work schedule, a toddler, 2 birthday parties and my photography business, I got super busy! Now that things are "settling" down and I am getting into more of a routine with life, once again, I feel sane enough to add my blogging back into the mix =)

I haven't weighed myself, but I honestly feel like I have either gained a few pounds back or not lost at all. I am ready to once again get back on track, now that the fall and winter seasons are here I usually go into "hiding" or nesting, but come spring time, I want to bloom and look like a whole new woman! I know I can do it, just need to stop being lazy! On top of everything else, there has been alot of personal issues going on, mostly with myself, and I keep telling myself "this is my rock bottom", but I started to think, how many rock bottoms am I going to hit? I am tired of this. just like every other time. I am going to add a P.E. class to my fall quarter of college so I am more forced into working out! So once again here I go, one day at a time. I keep track of days not just for weight loss, but for successes, struggles and everything in between! =)

So now that I am back, I plan to get on here as much as I can, when I can, but not making any promises. I have to still balance life, everyday it's something different! =)

Well the title says it all! I have made it past day 40, I was stoked when I made it past day 3, day 10 and day 20! haha I was recently in a wedding as the matron of honor. When I first bought my dress it was tight and bought with the idea that I had to lose weight. Well I did and my dress was damn near too big! All the girls were jealous because theirs were too tight....I wish my arms weren't as big as they are, but I still felt to beautiful! I DO feel beautiful and am finally accepting who I am and who I want to be without not being myself or harming my health. My clothes are getting too big but I am hesitant about going out to buy mew clothes, I grab a new thing or two from thrift stores and Ross, but still lol I love how people are finally noticing too. I have never really "cared" about what people think about me, but since I have received so much positive attention, I can't help but be more aware of those around me! I put more effort into my clothes/style, hair, makeup, nails, attitude, etc....everytime I turn around I am finding more and more positivity and encouragement!!

A few days ago I wrote a blog entry Food vs. Mind Vs. Demon and received alot of positive feedback....but ONE person made an extremely negative note. In now way do I post with intentions to offend people, if you don't like what you read then don't keep reading it, don't leave nasty comments or send me rude messages. Hell you can even block me for all I care. This is an open forum for EVERYONE who suffers from Obesity. 

This lady made it clear that obesity is not a choice, its a medical condition that has been proven scientifically and I need to get my facts straight before I speak such blasphemy. Sorry chica, you are wrong. I don't care what you or anyone else says, Obesity IS a choice!! I know some of us have genes that make us more prone to obesity, but we CHOOSE to use that as an excuse and not take extra precautions to prevent our genes getting the best of us. Trust me, my grandma was obese, so was my mother, my siblings are prone to it and I know for a fact I am, my best friend can eat the same exact thing as me for a week and not gain a pound, where I know I would gain 5lbs+. I have the obese gene. BUT for the majority of my life I had to take extra precautions, I had to workout harder and control my eating more. I maintained a very healthy weight and size. Pregnancy occurred and got the best of me because I gave in and went against all I worked hard to prevent, therefore I easily gained and abundant amount of weight. 

The lady also stated that many obese people have tried diet and exercise, well that is fabulous! They tried and some succeed and some don't. But the ones who didn't succeed, how hard did they really try? you can't expect your weight to fall off over night or in a short period of time, example, if you weighed 455lbs, you cant possibly expect to get below 300 in less than 2 months. or even 6 depending on the individual. Being obese has put our bodies through hell, it needs time to heal and rebuild what we have damaged by choosing to be lazy and eat like piggys. we brought this upon ourselves by the choices we have made. Like I said before, I have relatives who suffer from lifelong obesity, so I grew up with it, being bigger was normal, but I saw all the impacts that were brought upon them by being obese, and also saw they chose to do nothing about it, therefore I CHOSE to be different and manage my lifestyle.

Doctors of all people know how hard it is for obese people to lose weight, which is why the created weight loss surgeries and other healthy and safe weight management solutions. My grandmother passed away from heart issues that were weight related because she didn't take care of her health. My mother got the gastric bypass and a tummy tuck and looks fabulous and her health is in the bes condition it has ever been. My siblings are CHOOSING to eat healthier and participate in school sports and open gym because they don't want to suffer.

So here's my message to that lady, and I hope she reads this: you are in denial. You are miserable with your own life and instead of taking responsibility for your obesity, you try to blame it on others. You try to use the "scientific" excuse, you blame everyone around except for yourself. Well my dear, go look in the mirror, and blame the person looking right back at you. that person in the mirror is the one responsible for doing this to you. That person in mirror, is the reason you failed your dieting and exercising routines. That person in the mirror, is the only one who sees you on the inside, and it reflects on the outside. BUT my friend, there is hope, and there is help. Trust me, I have been in the same boat as you. There is doctors, weight loss surgeries, medications, support groups, etc. So stop living in denial that it's your own fault and open your eyes and realize you are not in this boat alone and there is a way you can beat your inner demon, who in fact is to blame. 

We are not born fat, just like we are not born racist, religious, gay, etc. It is a choice. 

Day 36 and feeling awesome! In Jnauary I bought a bridesmaid dress for a wedding I am in, in September (this weekend actually)...when i tried on the dress at the store it ws tight, i had back fat pouring over the edges, i just felt and looked horrible but i knew i would push myself hard to lose some weight so its not so tight...well yesterday i tried the dress on and its almost too big!! I will have to get a strapless bra and stuff it to make my boobies bigger to help hold the dress up since its a long and flowy dress haha but i felt so good in it! I could move around, i played with ways to move my arms and stuff so i dont constantly have to pull it up, even though I will anyways...but it was such a good feeling!! All the other girls have quite the amount of back fat, so im gonna look dayum good! =) i just wish i could have my arms more toned and less flabby by then because thats my main focus troubled area, but im not going to let that ruin the day or bring my spirits down! =)

Obesity is a condition. Some are diagnosed early in life, some late in life. Some defeat it and some can't. People say "I suffer from Obesity", "i will never change" "i was born this way"...well guess what? cancer patients suffer from cancer as well, sick adults and children suffer from incurable diseases. Obesity is a choice. A lifestyle for some. Don't you think those with cancer or other diseases wish they could have the chance to change their disease? Don't you think they wish there is an easy surgery to heal them?

Obesity is the minds worst poison.. It is so easy to turn to food because food tastes good, goes good with socializing and overall makes us happy.Hell it is even served at funerals and sad situations because food is comfort. Everyone finds comfort in food whether it's healthy or not. Food is comfort, food leads to obesity.I haven't met one person who has hated food. It is easier to stuff your face than go to the gym.

 I look at my obesity as an inner demon. It has poisoned my mind and consumed me. I went from athletic and "society's normal" to obese, back to "normal" and now obese again. And I even had the lap band! BUT it's the mind that controls our actions, and when your mind has been possessed by the obese demon, you feel stuck, lost, miserable, lonely, scared and ashamed. 

you tell yourself over and over again "diet starts tomorrow". "tomorrow is the day I do this seriously". "Today is a new day", etc, etc and get all motivated to get healthy and fit, then the second you look at food or feel hungry, that tiny little obese demon comes out and says "Whats one more bite of that cheeseburger?", "whats one more fry?" or for some it's "ive consumed 500 calories that means I have 1200 more to consume,so let me stuff my face to i can meet my daily quota". IT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME!!!!!!

Instead of giving into this demon that only brings me down and makes me feel like a miserable failure, I need to DEFEAT the s.o.b. and CHANGE my ways! I CAN do this, I CAN change. Obesity is curable and it's something I no longer want part of. 

Obesity demon controls your mind, your mind controls your actions. Time to stop it. God has blessed us with technology and ways to overcome our obese lifestyles. He made man who then invented weightloss surgeries, protein shakes, health foods, etc. So STOP letting your inner demon control you. It's so much easier said than done, I still struggle with it. But the demon wants us to fail, we confess to ourselves and make ourselves believe we are fat and worthless. NO NO NO we are so much more than that! and with the proper guidance we can defeat this demon together!! 

Obesity is a choice and it is curable. We are lucky that obesity is our only disease. You may have diabetes, well when you defeat the the inner demon, you will be healed (so to say), if you have cancer or other disease on top of obesity, FIGHT obesity so you can live longer and happier!! 

We don't need fries, burgers and shakes. We need protein, vitamins and other health intakes so we can live a long, healthy and happy life for ourselves and our loved ones. It is our time to break free from these chains and kick this obesity demon to the curb! No more mind poisoning, no more lost hope, no more giving in, no more failing, no more defeat against us. Your never going to reach your goals if you keep giving in and giving up.

I know when you create motivation blogs/pages, your "supposed" to share motivational and inspiring quotez and personal progress pics. As I don't feel confortable enough to ahare toi many personal pictures at this moment, I will share quotes, workouts, recipea and personal pictures of me of when I was my fittest, healthiest and happiest wirh my body. Personal pictures of my personal motivation. Anyone can look at pictures anywhere, but it's nice to read about personal experiences as well...to read about the struggles and successes. That is my goal for this page...to share my personal pictures, struggles and progress with getting healthy. Please don't expect alot of pictures, but do expect to be updated on the reality of steuggling and defeating obesity. I am going out of my comfort zone enough as it is by making my cuevy journey public! I will share and post within my comfortable limits.

Had such a productive weekend! Photo sessions, bbq, cleaned our carpets, school clothes shopping, house cleaned and organized and laundry done!! Just an over all great weekend...as far as fitness goes its Day 22 and a new start! Still going good and not caving into old habits! Didnt make the best choices over the weekend but i still feel good =) i made a deal with myself to go hard and strong all week and reward myself this weekend with pampering and shopping! Doing a different routine this week, so we shall see how it goes! =) lots of motivation to keep me going...life is good, i got this! 

Day 18...this week Ive been a lil sluggish, sinuses are a bit whacko with this weather...ive got so much motivation to keep me going so I haven't given up and I don't plan on it! Today I plan on pampering myself with a deep conditioning treatment dor my hair, a facial, teeth whitening, all over shaving, eyebrow plucking topped off with a mani and pedi!! 

Today was horrible with eating and exercising. Totally let this rain and stormy weather get the best of me and surrendered myself to the couch where i dedicated my attention to napping, movies, netflix and eating crap. Guess the good part is i feel like crap, thats my punishment haha i feel discouraged, enormous and like a failure but I am slowly lifting my head qnd realizing even though today was horrible for me, its not near as bad as my pazt days and im no longer like thiz everyday!  tomorrows a new day, going to detox and push myself HARD! =) =)