artmaker

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I'm spending a lot of time on thes OH forums trying to learn as much as I can about people's experience and insights and trying to learn tricks and tools for when it's my turn. I also keep reading member blogs because I keep trying to map a time table of when people begin to feel normal again. I'm nervous, and I just want to be comforted by the idea that at some point after struggling with the pre-op diet, procedure, and post-op diet, I'll be able to live my life as I do now, but healthier. Then I had this realization: I'm not going to feel "normal" according to my current standard ever again. And that scares me a lot. But whenever I feel that overwhelming fear, I have to remind myself that that's the point of the surgery! To stop what I was comfortable with, and start again, the right way. When I get scared, I'm going to have to remind myself that these first long weeks and months are going to be difficult, and there's going to be a lot of adjusting to do, but at least I had the support and opportunity to, yes, be scared s**tless, but also to do something about how obese, unhealthy, and weak I've been.

If I ever do start feeling normal again, i'll have to take it as a sign of backsliding into habits that gor me in this mess in the first place!

I got approval from my surgeon yesterday, and I am overcome! It's all begin to become more and more real.

I feel excited and scared, as one should. Scared because theres an underlying fear of change; a fear, I'm sure, everyone feels at this point. Things I have long grown comfortable with are not only going to change, but some habits will be gone forever. And that's were the excitement comes in. Change is the only thing that's going to get my healthy! Change is exactly what I need, and very importantly, want.

I'll be talking logistics with my parents later in the afternoon, and then what's left is to set a date, which I cannot wait to do. Once the date is set, the countdown begins! The new year may begin in a few weeks, but it's this countdown that i'm truly excited for!