Preparing to say goodbye

May 24, 2013

I gave this URL to a group of friends I have known for nearly 16 years, so I guess I better get caught up and make it worth reading. I'm not going to go in and fill in all the backstory. Instead, I will pick up where the story does.(Hi, guys! I am glad you are reading. It will keep me accountable.)

Since the beginning of this week, I have been tracking all of my food, observing the choices I make in order to see what I need to do in preparation for the 20 gram low carb diet that starts on the 29th. If you look at my food breakdown diagrams on MFP, you'll see Monday looking awful, but then it gets better as the week goes on. (my MFP profile is laur gray if you want to friend me)

I also joined a gym and started working with a trainer on the 17th. His name is Matt and he reminds me a lot of Olly Murs, so that makes workouts enjoyable. I have two collections of leg/ab/arm exercises I can do. Tonight, I did them all by myself and was not intimidated by the guys around me pressing hundreds of pounds. I have never done this before.

Tonight at the gym, I happened to be looking at myself in the mirror. I don't even really see myself anymore. I see a hint of the person who is yet to be. And it dawned on me that in a fairly short period of time, this body will be gone. I realized that my mindset is that of saying goodbye to my former self, and oddly, I feel a certain peace about that. As I thought about it, much of my persona is in transition. It is interesting to see where I am going.

I only had two food funerals so far, and it's likely all I will have. At every step, I am seeing new behaviors to change, and things to watch for. My mindset is not that of self-loathing like it was from January until May. This feels more like a casting off. A getting lighter. A saying goodbye to those choices and behaviors that were not good for me.

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