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In a few short weeks it will be my anniversary of my surgery. I have ZERO regrets. this was the best thing  I have ever done for myself.I am down from 310 lbs to now 160. I have went down 10 jean sizes !!  I feel wonderful physically and mentally. I can now walk in front of a mirror without being depressed. I have more self esteem than ever.
  Everything else is going well also.I still work with Developmentally disabled adults. I am currently going to school full time so I can work with autistic children in the future. I am doing pretty good so far. I hope Kedan is proud of me.I am excited he is working through me now.  I have a new little puppy I will add her picture. He name is Pixie.

Wow I just noticed I havent posted in a long time on my blog here.
Lets see whats new for me.

I am 19 weeks out and have lost aprox 85 lbs and 39 inches.

I try and but strechy clothes so I can wear them longer. Im buying XL and some Larges. Im so excided to have lost so much so far.
 I exercise alot. I go to curves several times a week. I also use Sweatin to the Oldies and Walk off the pounds dvds.

Ive also been walking at home outside for 2 miles. AND I ride my stationary bike several times a week for 30-60 miniutes.

I really find the exercise helps my stress levels and makes me feel better about myself,along with keeping my mind clear about other things.

Most of you know my son passed away last summer. It is aproaching 1 year now. WOW where has the time gone. It feels like yesterday that he died. but it feels like forever since I saw his smiling face.
  Things are getting a little eaiser with it as time passes. but I still cry every day and have moments where I dont want to go on.

Many people thought it was a bad time for my WLS so soon after his passing. Turns out it was the best time. I now have something to look forward too and to concentrate on now. my health keeps me motivated.

Thanks for reading.

Sandra

Well its been just over a month. In the forst month I lost 32lbs and 11 inches. I can't believe the difference in my pics. I didnt think id notice before 50lbs down but I was wrong.
My incesions is healing good. Hopefully in a week or 2 it will be totally closed.
Food is no longer my best friend. I dont even want to eat all the time. We have severed our ties forever.

I can eat most anything I want to with no troubles. I have never had any aches or pains as of a few days after surgery either other than my incesion wound.

Now all of a sudden Im feeling sickly in the evening time around 5 every night,I feel sick to my stomache and then throw up then I have to sleep. I dont know why its happening but I hope it stops soon.

X-mas is comming I sure wish it would hurry up and get over with. Im dreading it this year for obvious reasons. Most people count down the days til its here im counting the days til its over with. Hopefully next year will be a better year for me.

Well my surgery was on Oct. 30. I found out that I have sleep anpea I stopped breathing after surgery when I was out of it. They had to give me oxygen.
My first night wasnt too bad. I was sore and hurting. Who ever said surgery doesnt hurt is lieing to you. LOL
  My sencond night in the hospital wasnt so well. They thought I had leak. I alos had a fever and a high heart rate I made it through ok with no leak I came home the fourth day.

I was feeling better then my invesion decided to open up. Its now 15 days post op and its 4 inches long and 1 1/2 inches wide opem GROSS!!.
They said it happens to some people and uts starting to heal ans im seeing a specialist for it.
Other than this I feel good and can tolerate most foods..

Hello my friends. I wanted to post here and let everyone know I wont be on for awhile. Things have gotten rough at home since Kedans passed away. They want to repo our van . And we still are over 1,000 short for a headstone. So we are shutting off our internet and phones.We are going to cut corner where we can to stop them from taking our van and to get my son a headstone.
We finally got the funeral paid off. So thats good but now this other stuff.
Thanks for the support and prayers.

Please if you read this say a little prayer for our family and for my WLS. Im having it on Oct 30 and Im happy yet terrified.

Thanks for reading.

I got my phone call today with my surgery date. Its OCT 30 2007. Im excited and terrified too. If anyone hasd followed my story they know I lost my 4 year old son a few months agoThursday will be 4 months since my baby boy went to the Lord.

Im very worried about death with my surgery now death is more of a reality than ever before. Im praying I dont chicken out for my surgery. I need this more than ever,

Well I revieved my aproval letter. im so glad. I actually got it like a week ago but I never opened and didnt know. Im happy now im waiting for my date she sould call me tomorrow with the surgery date. im thrilled.

An update on me now.

As some of you know my 4 year old son passes away 2 months ago.We are all doing ok I guess. I have my moments alot of them actually. Im depressed and have resorted to food again. I have my husband t talk to which is great and it helps. Its still hard I miss Kedan so much it hurts.
The school protriat people sent me pictures they made of him today so I would have more 8x10's of him that was really nice of them. Of course I balled as I saw them. Its hard to look at his pics now. The sad thing is its not weird that hes not here anymore im use to it. Thats sad in itself. Its hard knowiong hes never comming home. Hes becomming just a memory.

but ive been on tv 2 times and im going on again in the morning live. Ive also been on a talk radio show about our story.
I am lucky to have my faith because I know Kedans in Heaven and I will see him again someday. I wish here were still here of course but the future with his is all I have to hang onto.

I have to admit my life has stopped in many ways since hes died. nothing is fun anymore. I dont even want to have fun anymore.

we are having a fundraiser this Sunday aug 26 to raise money to finnish paying off the funeral bill. We didnt have life insurance because he was denied because of his autism.

We are also tryign to raise fund for his headstone. I have it all picked out just no funds. But we will get it with Gods help we will/

Im goign to start back to school in Jan. ive not been in 12 years WOW Im going to study my butt off so Kedan can work THROUGH me to helpm other children. I also plan on learnning to sign.

I hope it helps keep me occupied and my mind off the tradgity thats happened to us.
Im not sure if ive posted his memorial video on here or not. its been so long since ive been here.
In case I didnt here it is again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lksNGms1YnE

heres my last news broadcast. click the pic of him to watch it.
http://www.wsiltv.com/p/news_details.php?newsID=2743&type=top

Well a little update I supose.

 

We went today and made the arrangements.   with my oldest son making most of the final decisions we picked out a thomas the train pair of pajamis. Jaden my 11 yr old said since hes kind of sleeping it would seem right. We are sending all this little thomas trains with him too.

 

His casket will be white with blue satin on the inside. its a special kind where everyone can write on it. we all can write something special to him on it and it wont come off.

 

He will be view by family then closed for the public. My God I can hardly write this.

 

The first song to be played is called missing pcs by mark leland its the son in the video you all seen of him. then Untitled by Simple plane because it was on when he was dx with autism and it reminded me of him.

Then we willplay At the feet of God and Wind benieth my wings will be sang along with amazing grace..

 

That will all be thrusday evening.

then friday morning I will have to put my baby in the ground.

I know hes in a better place but it still hurts.

 

Someone emailed me and said the safest place for an autistic child is in heaven.

 

I was trying to rationalize why him out of all 4 kids why was it "his" time. But I think I know with everyones prayers I think I know.

He with his autism was so different. i often wondered as in school did kids make fun of my baby? How would I know? did it hurt him? I think God took his baby home so he wouldnt have to deal with the pain of this earth and the things he could not comprehend.This was he has no more autism he can say I love you all day and the words just flow for the first time ever. No he can jump with out getting hurt.

He is being cradeled in the arms of Jesus right now. Knowing that helps. It doesnt take it away but it sure helps.

 

 

On a lighter note. The missing pcs song. the man who wrote it and sings it emailed me. He told me he was honored to be a small part of kedans life with his song. he said he will forever be a part of his body and soul.

 

Its amazing what we as parents will do for our kids. I would give my life if i could just hold him and kiss  him one more time just once more.

Next time yyour kids are being brats hug them and be thankful they are here cause I wont see my baby no more.

If your weak hearted please dont read this. Im really sad today because its been less than 24 hours...

My son had autism he couldnt use words but not properly. He would of been 5 next month. my 2 year old talked better than him just to give you an idea.

Dh and I were fixing a satilight wire while our other son anthony (3) was "helping" the baby makaylee was sleeping in her crib.
and kedan my precious baby kedan was watching tv in the other room and comming back and forth to see me too. he hadnt came in to see me in a few miniutes but not too long. greg came in noticing the front door was opened. He escaped. We went out screamming his name and couldnt find him. I didnt see it i was somewhere else screamming for him. my husband saw him floating in the pond. he jumped into get him. he did cpr but we just knew it was too late. they tried to revive him for over an hour with no response. his ball was in the pond. so I guess it rolled in there and he tried to get it.
oh my god  my baby boy is dead. I dont know how or why i wanted to save him. why didnt god just take me.he wasa so special and perfect.

because of his autism he didnt have any fears. so the water was no threat or danger to him in his mind.
this is all i can type for now. i have go go now and find something to put my baby in and pick out a casket. he was denied life insurance because of his autism last year y state farm. soI have to go talk to the funeral hoome about my oprions now.
im only asking for prayers though please pray for us. Only God can help us to heal.

Some people have asked for a address for cards. please dont feel like you have to send a card but for those that asked this is my addy 
Sandra Seagraves 
P.O. Box 878 
Energy IL,62933


thank you all for the warm responses. Believe it or not posting it and reading all night here kept me ok and that means alot to me. thanks again.

sandra

Yesterday was my PSYCH EVAL. My apt was at 3:30 but I didnt get in to see him until after 5. It was worth the wait because he was a very nice guy. We talked alot about my Bipolar. He made me realize some of my weight this past year was due to my med. combos. He's going to work on changing that for me.
He did give me my aproval clearance for surgery. Now its just the Insurance wait for aproval.