awsmechica
Ever since I can remember I have been a big girl. Sadly thinking about when I last weighed my Now "ideal weight" of 165lbs I was in the 4th grade. That's just depressing. Luckily I have a very supportive family who never called my weight out or made me feel like less of a person for it. Even though my family loved me and made me feel comfortable for being me at home, school was a different situation. I knew I was bigger than the rest and couldn't shop in the Juniors department for the cute clothes I saw all of my peers wearing. When I did buy a cute shirt that may have been a little snug I always wore a baggy hoodie over it so you couldn't see my rolls. (When fleece vests were a trend I was in heaven!) For a fluffy girl I still stayed pretty active with choir, volleyball, basketball, and track. I was also the social butterfly jumping from group to group. I always made sure I had something funny to say or was there as a shoulder to cry on because that's all I thought I had to offer at that time because I was never the one to flirt or flirt with. It made me sad that I wasn't one of those girls, but made it my priority to not care about superficial stuff like dating, dances and stuff like that in HS. Once in college I was able to kill off that "funny girl" of the group and let more of my true personality shine through. Now not always having to be the one to make people laugh was nice, but I still turn into the mothering type for people. I think that its just part of my nature though and am still slowly starting to find the perfect balance of the funny, mothering person inside. As my journey through adolescence was as eventful as most, my weight kept going higher and higher. By the time I was in college (in 2000) I was around 280 and wearing a size 26/28. Throughout the next couple years my weight fluctuated with the stress in my life. I would do really well and start a good workout regimen and then for one reason or another it would fail. I married my DH in 2007 and he joined the army in early 2008. There was a whirlwind of emotions hitting me all at once when he left for training. I realized that I had allowed myself to become emotionally dependent on someone for the first time since I lived with my parents. With Aaron now gone, depression hit so hard I can't honestly remember a couple months of that time apart. With the military comes speed bumps and my husband was gone for almost an entire year before we were able to be together. I had to move down to Texas to make it happen, but it happened. At this point I was topping the scales at 345lbs. (to be cont.)
