beccabecca66
Things i heard, but didn't understand- Part 1
Aug 24, 2011
Until now. And I suspect I'll understand more as time moves forward.
1. This surgery changes your body forever. I did all my research and made my own choice. I take full responsibility. However when the doctor that first suggested it over 7 years ago and encourages and supports it through the whole process says "Maybe surgery wasn't the best choice for you. It makes it harder for me to treat you," it sucks. She needs to be sent to surgery and have her whole body altered so she could maybe start to understand how hurtful her comment was.
2. Everyone is different. While we have many similarities, there will still be individual things that make us different. I go to two support groups from two different programs. Completely different protocol in each. And there are members in each that insist there is only one way to do things. And if I suggest that everyone is different, and perhaps I don't have to have breakfast foods for breakfast, i'm told i'm going to fail. (I think they may be putting their fears and issues on me. The confident and assertive me won't carry their issues.)
3. Support groups are very helpful, but their word is not the final say in my life. When i go home and i'm laying in bed in those moments before sleep, are they there with me? I listen, and I welcome hearing their stories, but what is true for them doesn't make it true for me.
4. When people say it was the best thing that they ever did, and there were no problems, they aren't exactly lying. Its like when I say i loved being a kid and it was the best time of my life. I remember the good parts and kinda forget about the temper tantrums when I was told no more cookies! or crying about how life wasn't fair. or being told what to do all the time. Gosh, thats how I felt at times after surgery, too.
5. Work out the stuff in your head while you still have the full benefit of your tool. Or you'll gain your weight back, or you'll change to a different addiction. Its not so much about the food, as it is about the trauma and abuse i never addressed.
6. Surgery doesn't 'fix' you. Guess what i finally figured out? I am not broken. I don't need fixing. I need help finding the beauty and strength and gracefulness already inside me. I was beautiful at my highest weight, and as long as i'm living the life I want to live, i'll be beautiful at my lowest. And anywhere in between. I need to focus more on love and respect for myself than calories or fat grams or pounds or even protein.
7. Doesn't anyone notice that diet says 'Die to a T'? I don't want to lose. I want to gain. Does that surprise you? I want to gain more of the authentic me. I want to gain more confidence and strength and take better care of me, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If my weight decreases in that process, its okay with me.
--Becca 9.5 months out... lost about 145 pounds since surgery, but gained confidence, assertiveness, respect (from within, and from other people), and more. I'm hoping to keep gaining.
