beccabecca66
Friend stopped over
Nov 13, 2011
A friend stopped over tonight unexpectedly. He said he called, and when I didn't pick up, he thought he better stop over to check on me. That was a little weird because its not like he lives in my neighborhood. He lives about a 30 minute drive from here. Can't a girl not answer her phone? Actually, I was in the basement getting laundry... and I often don't pick up his calls. It didn't quite make sense to me why he would immediately drive over, so I pressed him a bit more.I guess he ran into my brother at the store and my brother said that he was concerned about me. My brother told him I turned down an invitation to have thanksgiving with my family, and I disconnected my cellphone, and I am voluntarily surrendering my car.
I have good reasons for all of those things. I shared the reasons and also let him know about some other thoughts/feelings/behaviors that I'm struggling with.
He agreed with the reasons-- but also said that he's never heard me talk with a voice of depression like this before.
I met him in 2008. I guess technically I was his boss for awhile, but we've both left that non profit organization. We continue to be friends.
I tried explaining to him how my brain simply is not functioning the way I'm used to it working. I can't think. I can't concentrate. I can't remember things. I can't even fill out a stupid form for financial assistance for a hospital bill. I'm sad and mad. I feel tremendous guilt for just about everything. Guilt for things I've said and actions I've done, and guilt for every morsel that goes in my mouth, especially since I've been working out less. I feel guilty for being sad and mad. And guilty for feeling guilty.
He said "Get on an antidepressant."
