Beth A.

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You know, I am just going to take the time to vent here. Because I can. Because it's my blog. Because I dang well want to. And, I can! 

Stupid people make me angry. 

Most of my co-workers have been so supportive since they learned of my upcoming surgery. I know, I didn't have to tell them, but we are a fairly close group and I don't care what they think anyway. But one girl, upon learning of my surgery, said, "Well, why don't you just go on a diet?!"

HELLO, do you want to see my medical history, my diet history, or can I just punch you now????

That one girl was the exception of course. Many other people, however, feel the need to say something like, "But you're not that big!". What I'd like is for people to simply say, that's great, I'm happy for you, let me know if you need anything.

And while I'm on the venting tirade, I just want to say that if you tell someone you can help them with something, let them know ASAP if you are going to be unable to follow through. I am in the process of getting my RN license reactivated. I am nearly done with the theory portion, and I have now had 3 different people/organizations tell me that they are more than willing to help me get my clinical hours in. All 3 have backed out for various reasons. Now I am down to the wire and don't know what I am going to do about clinicals. IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM!!!!

Okay, I think I am done for now.

One of my new friends on this site said that after she got scheduled, it all became real to her. I feel that way too, I just hadn't realized it until now. I keep reminding myself that just because the weight will be gone, the issues surrounding obesity will remain and still must be addressed. Weight loss doesn't solve everything. My head knows that. I just wish someone would tell that to my heart. 

Just like when Dorothy thought that everything was perfect "over the rainbow", she soon found that all she wanted was home, even with all its issues and problems. I still want to be me, I just want to be a better me, the best me I can be.

I have not been very open with people in my life about this surgery, mainly because I did not want to say anything until I'd been approved and scheduled. Now that I have, I've been selective about who I share with mainly because I don't want to invite criticism.

At church on Sunday morning, I told a couple of friends about it, but at that time the finalized date had not been set. Lisa said, "Well, be sure to let us know when it is. We will bring food."

My other friend (also an RN) and I looked at each other, then looked at Lisa, and I just shook my head and said, "UMMM, no". We all laughed when she realized what she had said.

You know what I hate? 

Having to tell people that their insurance does not cover bariatric surgery. 

I work in insurance and often we have to tell people no. But that is the one that breaks my heart. I know, it isn't my fault, I didn't write the policy, blah blah blah. But the bottom line is, I tell them NO. I want to say, I'll adopt you, my husband has awesome (I mean AWESOME) medical coverage. But I can't do that.

If I ever win the lottery, I want to pay for this surgery for people who need it but can't afford it.

just got the call from Dr. Gibbs' nurse Carrie.....surgery is scheduled for March 3 2008. 

YAY ME!!!!

"Never Too Late"

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it
And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like
It's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost
Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late (It's never too late)
It's not too late
It's never too late

I got the call last Thursday that my surgery has been approved by insurance. YAY ME! At this time I am waiting on a call to reschedule the surgery date for a few weeks sooner that originally planned (3/28/08). I am excited and getting even more so as I read other success stories and blog entries. Saturday I got out my box of "skinny clothes"....you know the ones you don't want hanging in the closet any more because they don't fit, and losing just 10 lbs isn't gonna cut it this time, but you don't have the heart to toss them.......and I was so excited. I mean, these were some of my favorite clothes back in the day and are still in awesome condition. 

There are things about the surgery I'm not looking forward to though. I HATE waking up from anesthesia. The disorientation, the PAIN! I have a very low tolerance for any kind of pain; I mean to tell you I am a weenie! Coupled with that is an extremely high tolerance for pain meds. But the good definitely outweighs the bad. There is so much to look forward to!