blakemama
August 31, 2005
The journey begins. I've been traveling this road for a month, in earnest that is. I have wanted this for 2 years, but it gelled into a "need" last month. The scale kept going up and up. I made some serious diet changes and my husband joined me. He lost 10 pounds, I lost 10 pounds. Then I gained back 7 of them. I did not change what I was doing. Just another yoyo. I get encouraged and discouraged.
Two weeks ago I had my consultation with Dr. Fobi. What a wonderful man. I want this.
Last week I had my comprehensive physical and psychological examination.
Today I was approved by Blue Cross/Blue Shield Federal Employees Program as being medically in need of WLS. So it begins. I have a surgery date of October 3, 2005. The surgery will be at the hospital I was born in. How fitting. I will be born again at the same place my life began.
September 20, 2005
My 18-year-old son, Rob, left for Air Force Basic Training today. I'm so proud of him, I could just burst! We'll be going to his graduation on November 4th. My surgery is on October 3rd. I can't wait to see his face when he sees me. I know it's probably very dishonest, but I've told him I'm having my gallbladder taken out. This is not entirely untrue, because I will be having a cholecystectomy along with my GBS and panniculectomy. Because of the tummy tuck, I know I'll look thinner. I'm not sure if I'll continue the semi-truth after graduation, but I really didn't want him to worry.
2:30 p.m. - I HAVE AN ANGEL! Josie C. of Barstow, Thank you!
9/22/05
I went to dinner with the Hi-Desert Group at Marie Callender's. What a great bunch of people. I have new friends. MY friends. People who understand ME. Having dinner with so many postop people really showed me what life will be like. Everyone is in different stages of weight loss, but the thing that stood out is how positive their attitudes are. I'm so impressed.
I also want to acknowledge my angel, Josie. What a gracious, lovely person. I feel like she is my sister. Everyone made me feel welcome, but Josie made me feel special. Her insight and experience are going to make a big difference, I know it.
9/24/05
One week from today my husband and I will be traveling to Long Beach. We'll stay in hotel that night and I'll have surgery the next morning. I can't believe it's a week away! This journey is going so quickly. I know it must have been meant to be. It seems like it was just waiting for me to start the process and the ball just kept rolling.
PS: I gained 5 pounds this week. I guess I have "last meal" syndrome.
9/28/05
Yesterday I spent most of the day getting ready for surgery. I went to Dr. Fobi's office in Hawaiian Gardens. I had my preop labwork drawn. I signed my consent forms. I met the other two women who will be having surgery the same day I am.
We're going to be the first patients to have our surgery at St. Mary's in Long Beach. It's so amazing that I'll be in the hospital in the very same wing that I was born in! My birth and rebirth at the same exact place, a little over 50 years apart. That's pretty amazing.
Dr. Fobi himself is doing my surgery. I feel so blessed that I will be in his knowledgeable hands.
I got my night before instructions: No food after 4 pm on Sunday. Drink at least 6 glasses of water between 4 pm and 9 pm. Do Fleet enema between 4 and 5 pm. Drink Citrate of Magnesia at 5 or 6 pm. Live in the bathroom the rest of the night. Take a shower with PhisoHex, leaving it on my torso for 10 minutes before washing it off. Take my sleeping pill and go to bed at 9 pm. I show up at the hospital at 4:45 a.m.
I'm getting very excited now. It's REALLY happening!
10/10 08:58 PM
I'M A LOSER!!!! Has that Beatles song been going around in any one else's head? Hi everyone. I'm ho-ome. It's Monday 10/10, a week out from surgery. Everything went spectactularly. I got to St. Mary's in Long Beach at 5:30 a.m., but two other people had their surgeries first. They started me at 2:00. Dr. Fobi did my surgery himself, with a team of course, but I felt blessed to be in his capable hands. I had an open procedure. Lap surgery wasn't an option for me in the first place because of two previous abdominal surgeries (C-section and appy). Since it was going to be open, I opted to have the tummy tuck at the same time. First of all - THANK GOD I had an open procedure! Dr. Fobi told me and my husband that as soon as he got in there he found a HUGE (I don't think he uses that word lightly) hernia from my C-Section incision. He repaired that. As soon as he described where it was, it struck both Joe and I that I had been having pains there for about 10 years. Figure this one out...I have an 11-year-old son. I did not have a C-section, but had him the "regular way." Labor and delivery of a baby and a hernia! So, I have been carrying that around for a long time. Very glad it's gone. I'm sure the hernia would have had to be operated on sometime in the future, but not now. Joe, Johnny and I lived in the Holiday Inn next door to St. Mary's from Thursday night until this morning. Joe has taken wonderful care of me. I had an appointment at Dr. Fobi's this morning and Carol the PA took my G-tube out. Yay! No more tube. I'm eating purees. I've only had one night of yucky nausea. One of my medicines (Cymbalta) doesn't sit right. I'm going to have to figure that out, but I'm not going to do it tomorrow. I have found that there are certain protein drinks that I can handle. Others, I can't even lift the cup to my lips. The samples were a great idea. I'm not stuck with anything, and if it's icky -- out it goes! Josie, my angel, it was so hard to stay in touch. Joe left you messages. It was very good to talk to you on the phone. Yes, I'm still looking for the license number of the truck that hit me, and the one that followed that one. I'm doing well. I've been sitting up for 10 minutes typing this update. Thanks everyone, for all your wonderful notes. I've got 537 emails to read. Maybe tomorrow. Love, Cheryl
October 24, 2005
Twenty-three days after surgery. All of my stitchesin my bellybutton are out and my staples from my surgery (hip to hip - really long but low under my underwear) are finally gone. My wounds are healing very well.
I'm pain-free, active, working on getting my protein and water in. That's my job right now. I go back to work on Nov. 14 - my 51st birthday. It will also be the day I go off purees. What a present! I'm going to go slowly. So far, thank God, I have not dumped or vomited. I know what full feels like and it comes so much sooner than I would have ever imagined. I think the only thing I really miss is being able to chug a little when I'm really thirsty. I don't chug. I know that would be BAD. If the drink I have is really cold, it quenches quickly and I can take two big sips.
We're getting ready to go to my son's graduation from Air Force Basic Military Training. We leave on Halloween to drive to San Antonio. I'm so excited to see him, I can't stand it! I can't imagine what I'm going to look like to him. I am visibly thinner in my face and my body. I can fit into clothes from two years ago! Woo Hoo! That's the reward right now, fitting into thinner clothes. The dress didn't even have an X in it. It's a regular large.
This surgery was so worth it. All of this experience is positive. Sure, I have had to go through some financial changes, physical pain, deprivation of my favorite foods; but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I am really proud of myself for turning my life around for a healthier me. My husband is also proud of me and so much more loving and attentive to me. It just feels so good.
November 22, 2005
Well, my 51st birthday has come and gone. It's funny, but I feel and look younger -- so 51 doesn't really feel bad.
A lot has happened since I last updated my profile even though it has been less than a month since my update. Let's see, maybe I'll make a list:
1. 10/30/05: I got really sick really fast with a wound infection. We were supposed to leave for San Antonio and Robbie's graduation on 10/31, but I've got a fever and an exploding incision. Dr. Fobi was reachable by phone and instructed me to go to the nearest ER and call him from there. We did just that and the doc there gave me a massive antibiotic shot and some pills to take for 10 days. The wound is really nasty and split right open down to the next layer of stitches. It doesn't hurt at all because I'm numb, but it sure is UGLY! Joe's been great. He has been cleaning it for me twice a day and bandaging it with a Kotex pad. It grosses him out so bad, but he's doing it anyway. I can't see it because my stomach is in the way.
2. 11/1/05: We left for San Antonio. Me with my Kotex bandaged booboo, Johnny with a week's worth of schoolwork and Joe driving the whole way. Did you know that Texas is HUGE? Well, I kinda knew, but never in my life did I expect that it could take ALL DAY to get to San Antonio from El Paso. The whole trip was 1300 miles one way. Joe drove it all - 10 hours a day. I brought purees with me. I'm not allowed real food until 11/14.
3. 11/4/05: My eldest son graduated with honors from Basic Military Training for the Air Force. I have never been so proud in my life to see my boy stand there so straight and tall and proud. He called me "skinny"! Isn't that too cool? He didn't know I had WLS. I told him I was going to have my gallbladder out. When he saw me, I was already down 35 pounds and it showed. Of course, I told him about the WLS that day and he smiled and gave me the biggest hug and told me how proud of me he was. My pants were falling down. He said I was a shadow of my former self. I look different in the pictures. Johnny didn't want to leave his big brother :(.
4. 11/14/05: My birthday. My first day back at work. My first day of solid food. Wow! That was one heckuva day, for sure. Everyone who saw me did a double-take. I colored my hair also, so for the first few hours I just told them it was the hair color. I was REALLY gray, and now my hair is my real color again. It's good to be back to work. I was really bored to death.
5. I HAVE LOST 50 POUNDS!!! My clothes are falling off of me. I can eat food, but I fill up fast. I vomited once on a Del Taco egg burrito filling, and I probably won't try that again. I guess it was the sauce, because I can eat egg and cheese. I am taking my vitamins, but the Vitamin E is too big. I called David at Dr. F's office and asked him what I can do about that. It's still hard to get all that liquid in. Protein is getting better, though. It's hard to drink protein powder, but I found if I mix it in plain yogurt I can handle it. It's way better than the Stallone stuff for me. I bought so many things that I don't like. I hate when that happens. I got the samples of protein and hate nearly all of them. The yogurt is helping, though.
I have no words of wisdom for anyone. All I can say is that having this WLS was bar-none, the best thing I ever did for myself. My husband says we're in a time machine and I'm going backwards. He looks at me with that same, "I can't wait to get you home and ravish you" look that he had before I got fat. He reaches for my hand a lot now. My younger son is thrilled that he can get his arms all the way around me.
The wound infection was only a bump in the road. It's almost healed now. The scar won't be perfect, but who cares. This surgery wasn't about pretty scars, it was about keeping me alive.
I do not use my CPAP any more. I do not snore any more. I'm sure another sleep study is in order, but I can't use the CPAP because it inflates me too much. My BP is normal.
My outer right thigh is still numb, but I guess that's life. It'll come back or it won't.
Here are my Thanksgiving 2005 pictures. Six weeks postop, down 50 pounds. OMG Moment!
December 12, 2005
Well, I'm 9 weeks out now. The changes in my life are so fulfilling and rewarding. I went for my 2 month checkup on Friday. Dr. Lee in the Lancaster office said that my wound healed so much better than he expected. I had a nasty wound infection for about a month that began one month after surgery. My scars are lightening up a little bit.
Things I do now that I avoided before or couldn't do before:
1. I don't get undressed in the dark any more.
2. I look in the mirror.
3. I like shopping.
4. I don't think about food all the time.
5. I can sleep in my bed with my husband all night long.
6. My son complained I was walking too fast!
7. I actually like exercise.
8. I read food labels and make every bite count.
9. No huffing and puffing when I walk.
10. I don't look for close parking places any more.
11. I am so proud of myself!
What I'm still looking forward to:
1. Being able to get into and out of the bathtub. Done 12/31/05
2. Being able to get down on the floor and play with the kids and then be able to get up without needing a crane to get me up. Done 12/31/05.
3. Run, skip, trot. My pace is getting faster, but I'm still slow, I think. Doing the treadmill at 4.4 pace now.
4. Do a Walk from Obesity.
5. Wear a bathing suit without a cover up.
6. Having my thighs, legs and knees catch up to the rest of me.
7. Not be ashamed of my legs and knees.
8. NOT having knee surgery because I have lost the weight I need to lose.
9. Getting all of my protein in with food and not needing supplements. Workin' on it!
10. Being comfortable in my clothing and not having to adjust and/or pick at my clothes for comfort. Oh, we're THERE!
I'm obsessed with WLS and obesity now. I went from ignoring it and not speaking the words and not admitting how big I was, to openly facing it with eyes wide open. I'll tell my weight to anyone now. I'll even tell them how much I used to weigh! I never admitted to my husband how much I weighed. Not in 13 years. He found out in Dr. Fobi's office when I went for my consultation. The barrier is gone! I watch every television show about obesity, "I Lost It," The Half-Ton Man, the 750 pound man, 670 pound woman, I'm Obese. I don't know if it's shock therapy or if it is just my overwhelming interest these days because of my new lifestyle.
I feel ten years younger. I look ten years younger. Life is good!
Cheryl
December 22, 2005
I'm in the 170s! Last night I had the courage to weigh myself after dinner. I don't know why I decided to, but I was pleased with the results. Before last night, the only time I stepped on the scale was immediately after waking up and using the restroom. I figured that would be the lightest I'd be all day. Last night I wanted to see my heaviest weight of the day. My heaviest weight of the day was somewhere between 177 and 178. WOO HOO! I'm not afraid of the scale any more. That is such a big deal...
The most exciting news is that my son, Robert, is coming home for the holidays from the Air Force. They call it Christmas Exodus. We pick him up at the airport this evening at 5:30. He has an entire list of foods he wants to eat. I'll be doing some serious cooking to get his "just like mama used to make" list completed and I'll feel joy in every recipe.
Rob hasn't seen me since his graduation on November 4th. It's December 22 and I have made some great strides. He'll see the most difference in my appearance. My attitude is also very different. I'm not depressed any more. I know now that my weight was a HUGE component of my depression. I'm so happy to be on this journey. Being able to look at a picture of myself from this Christmas will be the best present ever.
Love,
Cheryl
JANUARY 2006
Happy New Year!
This New Year was so different from all the ones before. No resolution to go on another diet and stick to it. I wasted so much time and heartache on those infernal diets. I have resolved to start liking myself this year.
We took a family vacation from Christmas until January 2. The whole family was together, except for Victoria - who's busy making movies, so we'll forgive her. She did come to see us on Christmas Day and gave me the warmest gift ever...2 size 8 designer dresses. The best part is she told me that she thinks I could fit into them now!
Robbie was with us this year, too. He had 12 days leave from the Air Force. He's so grown up, I can't stand it! Johnny just loved having his big brother with him for so long.
We traveled to Eureka, CA where my in-laws live. Northern California was under water the entire time we were there. We were stay-at-homes and enjoyed every minute of it. The power went out on New Years Eve Day and stayed that way until 11:55 pm. We had a Scrabble tournament by candlelight and just enjoyed ourselves.
My mother-in-law just couldn't stop hugging me. She was amazed at my weight loss and constantly complimented me. The Wow moment was when my own husband didn't recognize me standing in my sister-in-law's kitchen. The next day, he walked right past me and didn't recognize me from the back. THIS IS JUST SO COOL!
2006 is going to be the best year ever. It's only 3 days old, and it's already topped the list. I love life again.
Love,
Cheryl
IF IT WEREN'T FOR THRIFT STORES, I'D BE NAKED!!!
Here are some New Year's Pictures. Y'know, it's amazing. I've had more pictures taken of me in the last three months than I've had taken in the past 12 years.
January 18, 2006
It's amazing. I cleaned out the closet. None of the clothes that I had in there fit me except for my hair coloring shirt, which was ALWAYS too big. My life is so different now. I don't feel like I stand out, or like people are staring at me. Now, I catch guys looking at me. I must admit to being flattered. They're not obnoxious about it. I've been "hit on" 3 times now since surgery. My husband just thinks it's cool! He draws me closer and struts with me. I honestly don't know if it's me or him who had the change in attitude, but I kind of think it's me. I'm much more receptive to the attention. I feel "deserving" of it. Where'd my depression go? It melted away with the 68 pounds I've lost. Where'd my self-confidence come from? It was in there all the time, just buried under layers of fat. I really am emerging from a cocoon.
Love,
Cheryl
February 16, 2006
It's been a long time since I updated. I've been pretty busy. Victoria wrote me tonight and said it looked like it had been a while since I wrote anything on my page. She's right...and at her suggestion, I'm going to write what's new.
I'm shrinking out of the 12s now, and I weigh 163. I'm getting close to my goal. It's in sight now and I can taste success. I go to the Base gym every day and I really enjoy it! I would never have said this, but it is one of the highlights of my day to exercise now. Eating is still a challenge. Somedays I have good food days, and somedays I don't. Most of the time, I have good days.
Dr. Lee said that I need more calories every day. My 4 month checkup has me in good health. They say I'm a textbook patient. They also want me to be a 2007 Calendar girl! Wow! Me on a calendar, woo hoo! My before picture is really bad. Anything is better than that.
I am losing a bit of hair now, but they told me that would happen. I'm taking my vitamins and I'm not stressing about it. I know it will level off before I'm bald.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't count my blessings that I have been given a second chance at living my life. I feel younger and stronger every day. I'm just loving this.
I'll be better about writing more next time. It's been a pretty busy month.
Love,
Cheryl
March 1, 2006
Remember how I said I've never dumped because I was too afraid of eating anything with sugar? Well, I do dump...oh BOY do I dump. Yesterday when I was in the grocery store, I saw the Passover items and saw a treat from my childhood called "Borscht." It's cold beet soup. I eat it with sour cream inside it. I made myself a cup full and relished every drop of the 8 ounces I drank. About 30 minutes later, I was aware of every beat of my heart. It was beating so hard and fast, that I felt like it was on the outside of my chest. The time was 11:30 pm. I went to the bathroom because I felt like I needed to go.
While I was sitting there, I felt like I was going to pass out. Next thing I know, I am WAKING UP and I'm on my back on the bathroom floor with my head wedged between the toilet seat and the tub. I don't know how I got down there, if I fell or if I crawled down there to avoid falling. It was a true blackout.
When I woke up, I still wasn't quite with it. I reached for my bath pillow and put my head on it and slept on the floor until I woke up. When I got back to bed, it was 12:30. I was really freaked out by the whole situation.
This morning after I focused my eyes and got going, I went to the fridge to check the ingredients in the borscht. This stuff has 18 gm of sugars in 1 cup. No wonder I dumped! I'll not be eating any of that stuff ever again. That was darn scary...I feel fine today, but have an even healthier respect for sugar than I did before.
The High Desert Get Together was so much fun! This was the first time Joe went with me. He had a really good time, and crab legs, too! We met Peggy and Wayne. Peg's in my OFF group and is a Desert Dust Queen just like me. We had a majorly good time. I'll send more pix in to the California board.
Hugs,Cheryl
One Hundred Fifty Five Pounds! Today is March 26, 2006, less than six months since my surgery. I don't look the same. I don't feel the same. I feel SLINKY! People who haven't seen me in a few weeks are noticing something different. I colored my hair a little differently, dark auburn. I cut it shorter, in a bob. I just tried to take my own picture, but that's not gettin' it; so I'll have to wait for Joe or Johnny to make a new snapshot of me. I'm still in a time machine going backward. Someone guessed my age at work and said 35!!! Oh, that's so nice, and when I shook my head and said no, that he was wrong -- he said "Did I guess too old?" TOO OLD??? I'm 51 years old and this guy thinks I look 35 or younger. Oh boy, did I do the right thing or what?
My health is great. I still run into some food troubles when my eyes get bigger than my stomach. I always eat my protein first and have finally found things that make it easy for me to get that protein in. I like using Profect, and the Unjury travel size proteins work well for me. I may have mentioned it before, but I really HATE repetition and monotony. The sample sizes let me have something different every day. I need that, or I won't stick to it.
Well, some changes are happening in our lives. We're going to be moving north to Eureka, CA, to be closer to my husband's more immediate family. It's time we were more involved with the grandparents. Our grown children (Victoria-25 and Rob-19) will be able to get to us no matter where we are, their schedules permitting. Johnny is 11, and is ready to start a new school up north. These changes will be good and I won't have to suffer with another 120 degree day in the summer, Yay! Joe's family is like my own. They've adopted me and taken me in as "real" family, not an in-law. I'm a very lucky woman.
Just a little update to let y'all know (whoever actually reads this stuff) that my life gets better every single day. I feel healthy. I have energy and most importantly, I like myself again.
Love,
Cheryl
April 14, 2006
Six months have come and gone since I started this journey. Nothing in my life is the same. I am no longer a spectator, but I am a participant. I am not restricted in my activities by my weight any longer. I feel great!
We are going through some changes now. We'll be moving to Northern California to be closer to my husband's family. His immediate family, parents and sister are there and now his mom is having some health challenges and we need to be there too.
We're both in the process of finding jobs up in the area. I've done well in the job interview department and I'm waiting for a few offers. I'm #1 on the selection lists, but they don't go by the numbers. Let's just hope they come in soon. The house here in the desert already sold! We never even put it on the market. It's in escrow, and due to close June 1st...so we better get with it, huh?
Rob's going to be deployed to Iraq in August. I try not to think about it. Of course, I realize that the country is at war and that my son is in the Air Force...but the reality of the fact that he has to go over there really didn't hit home until recently. I'm very proud of him and all of our other service members who are defending our freedom.
Now, we need to find a place to live and jobs to work at. No biggie, right? Guess what? I'm a little stressed, but guess what I am NOT doing...I am NOT eating. Whoopee!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Cheryl
April 26, 2006 Time goes so fast!
Easter has come and gone and I've gone from 155 to 149 pounds. I HAVE A NORMAL BMI!!! I'm doing the happy dance. I have gone from Morbidly Obese, to Moderately Obese, to Obese, to Moderately Overweight, to Overweight, to NORMAL!!!!!
I'm shrinking out of my size 10 jeans and starting to look at size 8s. I buy my clothing on eBay. It's a really cool way to get clothes, actually, as long as I know I'm buying clothes from a nonsmoking environment. I give my clothes to people following close behind me on the Lightweights Board and on the October Board.
My fitness trainer, Mary Ann, said I was the most improved in her class. I can really move now. It's so exciting to be able to do the things everyone else can do in the class. I can move really well. I don't exactly skip and jump and hop yet -- because I'm afraid my knees won't take the strain. They are too messed up for that...but they're getting better now that they are supporting 90 less pounds. I still can't believe I'm looking at myself in the mirror.
I'm 9 pounds from my surgeon's goal of 140. I'm 12 pounds from my "ideal" weight according to the BMI chart. I'm almost there! My weight loss has slowed down some, but I'm still shrinking. Belts have become a very important accessory in my life. They hold my pants up!
A lot of relatives got to see me for the first time on Saturday when we had a baby shower for my niece. I heard nothing but nice things and a little bit of concern from the older aunties that I might be losing too much weight. I know I'm healthy and I've never felt better. I think I reassured them.
I'm beginning to move into the next phase - maintenance. I guess I'll figure it out as I enter into it. I think as long as I keep up with my protein and my vitamins and water, I should be good to go.
Here's to next month at goal! WOO HOO! Love, Cheryl
May 10, 2006
I'm in the home stretch now. Seven months out from surgery and I am down 95 pounds. I'm five pounds away from my goal of 140 pounds. I wear size 8s and 10s comfortably. I wear small and medium shirts. My shoe size went down a whole size!
I'm moving to Eureka this Saturday. I start a new job on May 22. We don't have a place to live yet, but I'll find us a place before I start work. That's priority one. The house here is sold. On June 2nd it belongs to someone else. Lots of changes happening here.
Joe found a picture of me while he was cleaning up some paperwork. It was of us at a family anniversary party a few years ago. OMG, who is that person? That is what used to be me. Smiling and happy on the outside. Fat, old, in pain and miserable on the inside.
Look how far I've come! Oh, I am so amazed every day that I wake up with this flat stomach and sleek curves. I'm so happy I could pop!
Love,
Cheryl
7/8/06 - Happy Birthday Victoria!!!
I'm finally settling into my new life here in Eureka. I love the cool weather. I love my new job. I'm making new friends. I'm at my goal weight and holding steadily.
I went to the Gap and tried to buy jeans that didn't fall off. I thought, maybe size 10 stretch...the lady said, you might want to try an 8 'honey', 10 is too big. I'm thinking, she's crazy, right? I am not a size 8. So I said to bring the 10 and 8 just to humor her. Well, she was right, the 10s were huge on me. The 8s were huge on me. She says, "I think we better get out some size 6 for you." Holy shimoley! Size SIX???!!!! I swear, I walked out of that store with my feet ten feet off the ground. I am at this moment wearing size 6 Gap brand Long and Lean Ankle length stretch jeans and I need a BELT! Woo hoo, OMG moment, oh yeah.
I look good. I feel good. I went on a nature hike up to Trinidad Head with the rest of the family and didn't sit in the car! This is a major big deal. I wasn't winded. I wasn't whining. I just walked the walk and enjoyed the heck out of it. The shame of it is that I missed so much for
About Me
Before & After
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