Deb Breneman

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 Went to the gym for water aerobics then Bonefish Grill.  I had two bang bang shrimp, my guess at 2oz of Chilean Sea Bass and one asperagus spear.  It was delish and all stayed down with no issues and no nausea.  Afterwards we went to see a movie and I sipped on grape flavored Propel water.  It was a really enjoyable night.  

 I saw this today on OH and thought it was pretty good and timely for me....  

Handling RUDE Comments

Share|   When people say rude things to you, what is your reaction? What is your response? Is there a difference between your reaction and your response? For example, what would your reaction be if someone said to you, as they did to OH member Debbiejean, “Wow, you have lost a lot of weight. You look so much better,” how would you feel? Many people would feel angered by such a remark, some people would be hurt, and others would feel sad. Your reactions to a person’s rude comments are your feelings about it. 

Your response, on the other hand, is what you do or say in return.  For example, Anjie’s response when someone said to her after her weight loss surgery, “You must feel so different” was “Nope! I’m the same person I always was.”  That is a healthy response. Anjie simply and honestly answered the person, while at the same time, gently educated the person that bariatric surgery does not alter who you are. 

When someone rudely said to IBME, “Your neck looks funny” she said, “Not being able to resist, I shot back, ‘Really? I have a neck?” Where did THAT come from? Humor is often a good way to respond to ignorant comments. You not only entertain yourself, but you also make it clear to the person who made the remark that they committed a verbal faux pas.

When someone exclaimed to Trudylea, “You have lost a TON of weight!” she responded, “Not quite a TON!” Again, humor allowed Trudylea to deal effectively with this person’s remark in a light-hearted way, and hopefully got the message across to the person that their comment was tactless. 

Lianne shared an experience she had while Christmas shopping: “I was in the mall with my husband and kids, and an older man walked right into me and said ‘Excuse me chunky lady!’ I was humiliated.” She was too upset to respond at the time.

Humiliation is also what Higurl experienced when her radiologist kept making snide remarks related to her size. “I was totally humiliated.” 

Yes, sadly, even those in professional settings, people often make rude, thoughtless comments to patients. “The nurse at my doctor’s office was taking my height and weight and looking up my BMI,” shared Rosemary in Canada. “She realized that she’d written 227 Kg instead of 127 Kg on my chart.  Upon noticing her mistake, she laughed and remarked, ‘I don’t want to make it worse than it already is.’”  

“When I was a patient in the ICU a doctor asked me, ‘How did you let yourself get so fat?’” shared a Portland, Oregon OH member.  She said her initial response was sarcastic. She then said to him, ‘You wouldn’t understand, but it didn’t happen overnight. You gain some weight, then you get depressed you gain some more. You promise yourself that the diet starts tomorrow. And before you know it, you weigh 500 pounds. His reply was, ‘How disgusting.’ At that point I asked him to leave. 

This courageous person attempted to educate the physician. She also assertively set boundaries by asking the doctor to leave. Educating people is a good way to respond to rudeness. It empowers you. If the person does not respond in a positive manner, take care of yourself by removing yourself or asking them to leave. 

Debbiejean wisely said when she is confronted with a rude comment that she stops and honestly answers their questions noting, “Most of the time people are curious and really do want to know or to understand.” 

Although you may be tempted to respond to rude people with sarcasm or an equally rude comment, it is infinitely more powerful to remain calm and say to the person, “When you called me chunky (or told me being fat is my own fault or implied I did not look good before I lost weight), I felt angry (or upset or humiliated) because I am aware of my weight, which is not your concern. I would appreciate your keeping those sorts of negative and hurtful comments to yourself, on behalf of myself and every other overweight person.”  Even though you might want to put that rude person “in their place” (wherever you think that may be!), you will make much more of an impact by directly and unapologetically sharing with them how you feel in response to their comment and by letting them know what you need in that situation. 

Try it and see what happens! My guess is you will feel proud and empowered and the other person will feel embarrassed and humiliated this time – and you didn’t say anything rude at all!

Connie Stapleton, PhD, is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and owner of Mind/Body Health Services in Augusta, Georgia. She is the author of Eat It Up-The Complete Mind/ Body/ Spirit Guide to a Full Life After Weight Loss Surgery.

 thinking I could wear them this summer anyway.  Of course I couldn't even pull them up, much less close them.  They were size 14.  Well.....  I'm wearing them today!!!!  What in the world am I going to be wearing this summer?  

Ha!!

  As of today, I'm 1/2 way to goal in a short 3 mos.  Very excited about that. 

 Down 46.5lbs in three months.  Hurray!

the blog I did on the 23rd, lamenting because I had only lost .5lbs while on my "active" mini-vacation.  Well as of today, I lost 4.5lbs last week.  Actually, the scale has moved 4lbs since last Saturday.  I guess my body was in shock at first and it took a few days to "catch up" with what I was doing.

Anyway, obviously I'm really happy with that.  My only issue right now seems to be with eating.  I'm extremely nauseous and nothing sounds good.  When I eat, most things don't stay down.  I'm going to try to avoid meat for a bit and see how that goes.   

 and I'm down 45lbs exactly since surgery.  I'm happy with that.  I'm actually in Georgia this weekend where I used to live (and our daughter lives) and got to see our daughter and a couple of other friends who hadn't seen me since surgery.  It was fun seeing their reactions.  They all are excited for me and said I look great.  Can't wait to hit my goal hopefully in a few months!

Photos to come!

 We have been enjoying a few days at The Homestead in the mountains near Charlottesville, Virginia.  Absolutely perfect weather; just beautiful.  I told my husband that every muscle in my body hurts today.  :)  We were only there for a mini-vacation... 2 nights, three days.  Since Monday, we've bowled 7 games, swam an hr, did 1-hr of archery, 1-hr of skeet shooting, 2 hikes (1hr around the grounds and 3hr through the wooded hills), hit balls on the driving range for an hr.  I did manage to eat a few bites of food during that timel.  Not much.  I'm having a really hard time getting through meals right now cause almost nothing tastes good to me.  After all that, I got on the scale today and I was down 1/2 pound.  Really surprised it wasn't any more than that but maybe I'll see more results next week.  My body is probably in shock!  lol  We had a really good time and I was happy to be able to do so much with my husband.  That was one of my big reasons for surgery... so that we could enjoy activities together without the limitations of my weight.  I can honestly say that I was able to do whatever I wanted.  I had a bit of a struggle with the hilly hike but I did it.  It was 4 miles through hilly terrain and took us about 2 hours to do.  I did have to stop to catch my breath sometimes but overall I did just fine.  I was very pleased and my husband and I enjoyed the time together.  It's the beginning of our new life together.  :)

Right now we are visiting our son and daughter-in-law and two grandchildren in Virginia today.  Helping them move back down to Georgia this weekend because of a new job.  Get to see a daughter and two other grandchildren while in Georgia and then driving back towards home on Sunday.  My husband has to go to Lexington, KY on business Mon-Wed so I'm going with him.  I'll be back home on Thursday. 

 He said I don't know who this is but it's not my mom.  Then he said he had trouble looking at me cause it was so weird to him.  (He hasn't seen me since Thanksgiving and I'm down over 50lbs since then.)  Also I posted a new profile pic today on here and on FB.  My daughter who lives in a different state from me posted on my page "who had taken over her mom's page cause that wasn't her mom".  They are making a big deal about it which is super cool to me.  

Because so many people wonder if their weight loss is "normal", I'm posting mine.  It seems to me that many people lose faster than I am, and sometimes that's disappointing but there is a continuous loss so... I'll be satisfied with that.  I know I'll get there eventually.  

Here's the way my weight loss has gone since surgery.  Ten pounds was lost pre-op.

Starting weight 250
Surgery date: 1/25/10 240
week 1 231 -9
week 2 227 -4
week 3 226 -1
week 4 220.5 -5.5
week 5 218 -2.5
month one loss -22lbs/ total post-op loss -22lbs total -34lbslbs
week 6 216 -2
week 7 211 -5
week 8 209.5 -1.5
week 9 206 -3.5
month two loss -12lbs total post-op loss -34lbs  total -44lbs
week 10 203.5  -2.5
week 11 202 -1.5
week 12 198 -4 ONEderland!!
week 13 195 -3
month three loss -11lbs/3 months total post-op loss -45lbs/ total loss -55lbs
week 14 192 -3
week 15 187.5 -4.5
week 16 187  -.5
week 17 184.5 -2.5
week 18 183.5 -1          
month 4 loss -11.5lbs /4 months total post-op loss  55.5lbs/ total loss -66.5lbs
week 19 179.5 -4
week 20 177.5 -2
week 21  175  -2.5
week 22  173.5 -1.5    month 5 loss -10  /5 months total post-op loss 67lbs/ total loss 77lbs
week 23 170 -3.5
week 24 170 -0
week 25 168.5 -1.5
week 26 166 -2.5   month 6 loss -6.5   /6 months total post-op loss 74lbs/ total loss 84lbs
week 27 165 -1
week 28 163 -2
week 29 161.5 -1.5
week 30 158   -3.5 month 7 loss -8/ 7 mos total post-op loss -82/ total loss -92
week 31 158  -0
week 32 158 -0
week 33 157 -1
week 34 154.5  -2.5
week 35 151.5  -3 month 8 loss -6.5/ total post-op loss -88.5/ total loss -98.5
week 36 152  +.5
week 37 149.5  -2.5
week 38 147 -2.5
week 39 145 -2   mos 9 loss -6.5/ total post op loss -95/ total loss -105
week 40
week 41
week 42
week 43
week 44