BT_unionME
This is the first time in my life (55 years) that I have become
uncomfortable, awkward, limited by being fat. Which is why I'm here. And,
apparently, I'm not alone!
For certain, I'm not alone in having lost and regained large amounts of
weight. I've invested a LOT of time, energy, money, tears in repeated
efforts over the years to control my chronic condition of lifelong
obesity. Everything "works," but not much has been "lasting."
Since I found this website and all the people who visit here, I think I've
found the courage to go through it all ONE MORE TIME. Physical
manipulation of my digestive system may be the help I need to achieve the
physiological changes that will support my efforts for the long term.
Whether I have the patience to endure long waiting lists is yet to be
determined!
30Dec01 - My new G.P. is amazing and supportive of my plan to have
surgery. I've had a sleep study to confirm sleep apnea and am officially
on the waiting list for an initial evaluation. The holiday has had its
usual positive effect: I've positively gained more weight. And I thought
I was being so careful. Here's hoping for a lean and prosperous new year!
02Feb02 - I'm officially on the waiting list. "this summer" is as much as
I know. And the waiting is getting worse. Am I gaining weight because I
always gain weight or is it the anxiety of waiting?
14MAY02 - Last evening I attended an information session and met the staff
from the MMC Bariatric Center. Most of what was said is also at their
website and on this one, but hearing it reinforced the facts: surgery is
a tool, not a cure. It was especially helpful to hear from a post-op
patient about his experience. I plan to go to a few support meetings
before surgery to learn more. Still, waiting ...
01SEP02 - Busy summer but good news: my initial consult is scheduled for
October 2. The Bariatric Center mailed me a great pre-visit packet to get
started on their paperwork, the hospital registration, and lots of
information about pre- and post-op. I've had a preliminary conversation
with my insurance carrier and know what I need to do to get pre-certified.
I thought I'd be "nuts" having to wait so long. It's hard to believe
that nearly a year has gone by since I started this process.
01SEP02 - a note about that weight gain last February-- could have been
the winter blahs. Lost 8 pounds. Maybe this will be the last seasonal
gain/lose?
03OCT02 - I am so psyched for this! Yesterday's consultation with Dr.
Cobean and his staff made all the waiting seem like nothing. All my
questions were answered and I got a call this morning to schedule my next
appointment. It's exciting to look forward to next Spring and think how
much better I'll be feeling and how much fun it will be to be more active
at a lighter weight!
22NOV02 - Had my second appointment and a week later got my surgery date
scheduled -- January 20. Have a CPAP machine (even though my sleep apnea
is very mild, my surgeon recommended it because of the risks associated
with medication during the pre- and post-op period.) Also saw a therapist
as recommended by the social worker (can't hurt, right?). Now I have to
get through the holidays without gaining. Facing major abdominal surgery
is a pretty good motivator!
26NOV02 - I had a letter from my insurer indicating that my inpatient
hospitalization has been pre-certified. I take this to mean that the
office has submitted some (all?) of the paperwoark, but still waiting for
the approval of the procedure.
12DEC02 - Checked with insurance and learned that procedure is approved
prior to pre-cert for hospitalization. We're all set to go. My surgery
date is 1/20/03!!
22DEC02 - Forgot to mention that my date was moved UP to Jan 06! Now I'm
really psyched. I'm over the jitters and feel this is going to be great,
routine, uncomplicated. Thanks to everyone who posted to my surgery
comments page! That kind of support goes a long way to keeping a "right
head" on all the changes to come. MERRY CHRISTMAS and best to all. See
you NEXT year for a lighter time!
1-2-3 (great date!): Happy New Year, everyone! Only four days and
counting. Pre-anesthesia appointment with blood tests and EKG was done
Monday. Keeping my fingers crossed for decent travel weather to get to the
hospital. At this point, I'd almost be willing to walk through a raging
Nor'easter to get there!
09JAN03 HI, Everyone! I'm home! Actually got home from the hospital
yesterday as planned. Must tell you how much it meant to have all your
good thoughts and support. I am convinced that is what made my surgery so
(relatively) easy.
My surgeon seemed happily surprised at how well things went and the nurses
all said I looked really great for just having had major surgery. (I made
them swear they weren't just being sweet) There were only two "concerns"
during the first day post-op: my urinary output was very low so I was
getting huge amounts of IV fluids, and after 24 hours my temp was slightly
elevated so I had to get even busier with the breathing, coughing, and
walking. Other than that, smooooooth!
The same is true about eating: smooooth, blended, good food! Not much of
an appetite, but I'm getting in the protein and protein drinks first, veg
and fruit later. KNOCKWOOD- so far, no problems with getting it down or
keeping it there. Everything you've heard about getting enough water is
TRUE-- it really takes concentration, planning, and effort.
Also true: don't take a bunch of stuff to the hospital! I read it and was
sure I'd be different. HA. Of all the things I brought, I used:
BLISTEX, BLISTEX, BLISTEX; a robe and slippers; toothpaste and toothbrush;
facial cleansing cloths and facial moisturizer; shampoo and body wash gel;
tape cassette with headset. The most helpful thing was the BLISTEX.
Everything else, I could have used those that the hospital provides.
There was an entire wardrobe of pajamas and undies that I never looked at.
My DH stayed at a hotel near the hospital while I was in and it was great
to have him there. Even though I really was sleeping most of the time, he
was there to hand me the BLISTEX very often! (Did I mention that the
BLISTEX was the BEST thing I brought?!!)
Now that I'm home, there are a few tools I'm glad I have, besides the
blender for doing a few servings at once: a timer --waiting between bites
isn't easy; a $10 Sunbeam hand-blender --mixes small protein drinks and
fruit much easier than the full sized apliance; a wide mouth one pint
Thermos -- keeps at least part of a meal warm with all that waiting
between bites.
We're under a pile of snow here in the woods in Maine, so walking outdoors
is not going to be easy unless I can get into town and clear sidewalks.
Meanwhile I'm trying to do lots of moving around in our tiny house. Sure
don't want to wake up any sleeping germs!
14JAN03 Life is good! Each day, I see improvement in the way my abdomen
feels when doing daily activities: everything from emptying the bottom
shelf of the dishwasher to tying my shoes. Yesterday--exactly 7 days
post-op--I was able to use my abdominal muscles to raise myself out of
bed. The swelling is down and the bruises are fading. And, best of all:
NO vomiting! I feel sooooo lucky!!!
19JAN03 Nearly 2 weeks post-op: first and hopefully last dumping episode.
Tried a coffee "flavor" in my 4:00PM yogurt/protein mix. The second
ingredient is Propyl glycol. Thought it was listed fourth. Woke up at
3:30AM with horrid abdominal cramps, chills, diarrhea. Should have known.
Won't be using that stuff again! Possibly because it was such a small
amount, the symptoms subsided quickly. Generally, though, everything is
going great. Starting to see changes in my body and the way my clothes
fit. Hope I can hold off being weighed until my first follow-up
appointment.
05Feb03 - A month to the day tomorrow since surgery. I am definitely
doing great and not having any problems with foods at all. Today was my
post-op weigh-in: I'm down 21 pounds since a month before surgery.
Amazing when I consider that in the whole YEAR prior, I only managed to
lose 11 pounds (not that I was very saintly all year...). The blended
foods haven't been a problem but I really enjoyed chewing some real cheese
tonight! And tomorrow: looking forward to my favorite Maine seafood --
Haddock. The absolute best change is the way I look at meals at this
point as BodyFuel, not as entertainment, not as some emotional crutch.
I'm doing everything I can to make this a forever change.
17Feb03 - BadNews/GoodNews Bad first. Learned what the vomiting is all
about. Tried to take the "horse pill" sized Calcitrate with food and my
other meds. BIG mistake. Didn't take me long to figure that one out.
Couldn't get it down the next day with just liquid, either. Back on
Chewable Tums for now. GOOD NEWS-- bought some new workout duds a whole
size smaller! Also doing really well with the prescribed protocol of
introducing "real" foods. Finally enjoyed that Maine Haddock!
07Mar03 Two months and one day post-op. Foods are not a problem except
in timing to get everything in. Saw my GP today re: fatigue and my blood
pressure is LOW --how great is that?! I'm in the process of reducing the
dosage of medication. Also took the opportunity to be weighed: down 33
pounds! (I've had cataracts removed in both eyes in the past two weeks
and am healing well. Hoping there's no more surgery this year!!)
30MAR03 Somewhere after that last note, I started having frequent
episodes of vomiting with an odd foamy emesis at the end. The usual
advice about eating slowly, small amounts, didn't help. Finally realized
I'd changed to taking TUMS before eating. I'm just guessing, but it seems
the TUMS on an empty stomach created lots of foamy bubbles that left no
room for food. No more problems since I went back to the original
schedule. What a relief!
In all, it's been a really good month. Had to bite it and go out shopping
for some clothes that fit. Shock! From my 3X/4X size range down to
1X/2X. From my 48DD bras down to 42DD. (Had to make a change at 44 to
keep the girls "still"!) Also into PT for some re-conditioning after so
many years of being too fat to move. It's going okay, but OH those old
aches and pains!
My last words today are to ask your prayers and support for pal Lisa D.
who is scheduled for her RNY tomorrow. {{{BIG HUGS, Lisa!}}}
18APRIL03 - Life is good. I had my 3 month check up on the 9th and had
lost 47 pounds since surgery in Jan. [Sooner or later, I'll have to break
down and buy a good scale. For now I am relying on visits to docs.]
Found I wasn't handling adult vitamins (lots of ralphing) and went back to
chewables. No problems now -- except the taste of Rugrats (Centrum)
leaves MUCH to be desired. Had a birthday (57)last week and actually look
forward to more since I'm in a new body.
15 JUN 03 - I'm finding out what all this talk about "plateaus" is about.
I've hit one of the spots on the scale where I've spent many years and
can't seem to get it to budge after two weeks. Coincidentally, I joined
the YMCA about a month ago and have been doing strength training and
aerobic exercise regularly. Also having some issues with having "real"
food. It's so much simpler to meet my protein and calorie requirements
with fortified protein bars, shakes, etc., and I'm struggling to get some
vegs and fruits in. Hoping that I can advance to having regular meals
again and that it makes a difference in the weight loss. Unbelievable how
much energy I have, though, and how many things I can do: walk, work,
play... I'm having a blast! And I recently bought a pair of slacks with NO
w's or x's after the number on the size tag! Now that's PROGRESS!!
06SEPTEMBER03: Life is good! Not much has changed in my daily activity
but my body is changing daily. I'm down 95 pounds since surgery in
January and wearing size 14/16 in most things! Last month, I traveled by
plane across country and had NO issues with seatbelts or elbow room.
Labor Day weekend brought houseguests and lots of cooking and sightseeing;
no problems there either. Even managed a hike in one of the State Parks
"where the mountains meet the sea." I'm here to say that all the
preparation and investigation and waiting to have surgery is WORTH every
MINUTE for these results!
10December03: Still cookin'!! Down 112 pounds since surgery (123 total).
The work of adjusting to a new body has not been too difficult, though I
admit it has been surprising. For example, I expected to be very bothered
by saggy baggy parts and am surprised to find I'm not. Sure, I'd like to
see a nice firm jawline, thighs, belly, etc., but I really don't think
it's worth the risk of surgery to get it. So I've begun to truly accept
the changes and enjoy the positive aspects -- excellent health, much
smaller clothes, much more energy! Wishing everyone out there a very
Merry Christmas (or whatever holiday is yours!) and Happy New Year.
07JANUARY04 Surgery was one year ago yesterday. I've lost 116 pounds
since that day (126 total). An acquaintance I haven't seen for some time
dropped by today and did a double take when I opened the door. Said he
didn't think it was me until he heard my voice. I love it when that
happens! But mostly I love the way I feel without the weight... just
simply fabulous.
04 April 04 Oh boy. Time flies! Seems like I've always got something to
do or somewhere to go. Nice to have the energy to get it all done! I
just started a new job part-time, too. Got into a conversation about
birthdays and had one of the young girls in the office register surprise
when she learned my 58th is coming up. Said I was a "great looking 58!"
What a nice treat! One of these days I may decide to share my secret, but
not just yet. By the way, I'm now down 140 pounds. When I calculate my
BMI, it no longer tells me I'm overweight. That's a wonderful feeling.
Now I need to work on eating enough to maintain and stop losing. It's a
challenge for sure.
PS: The thing that brought me back here was having a note from another
visitor to this site. It's always fun to hear from people and I try to be
helpful when anyone has questions. So if you're reading this and want to
ask questions, don't be shy.
13MAY04 - This is getting scary. I keep thinking I'm done losing weight
and feel happy and satisfied with where I am. Then, suddenly, I notice
looser clothes and realize I've dropped another size. I got on the scale
yesterday and am at 155. Being 5'8" that's probably considered the high
side of "normal" but at 58, I'm thinking it's a bit too thin. Yet, I
still have no real appetite or interest in food. I eat when I "should"
eat but usually manage only to get the protein and a few carbs before I
get bored with the process. If there are guests or we're at a restaurant,
I manage to eat a bit more, but don't notice what it tastes like. I
really want to stabilize at this point, maybe even gain back the last five
pounds. My 6 month follow-up appointment is coming up and I'm getting
nervous.
17JULY04 - Well, I'm not scared any more. My check-up was fine, "right on
target for 18 months post-op." Told to increase my calorie intake with
nutrient dense foods. Sure. As if I ever was any good at counting
calories *ha*. But I'm trying. Most days, I manage to get it all in.
Lately, I'm noticing that my face is enough to frighten small children,
all that loose and saggy skin! The rest of me I can keep under control or
under wraps with clothes; haven't figured out how to do that with the face
yet. I guess I need to win the lottery so I can afford some cosmetic
surgery. Anyone been here and decided against surgery? I'd love to know
your experience.
07JAN05 - 2 years yesterday! Life is good! A month ago I had surgery to
repair a degenerative tear in my right shoulder rotator cuff. My physical
therapist made several comments about my being "so tiny" that the sling
didn't fit well. Wish you could have seen her face when I gave her some
background information! Most days it takes that kind of incident or real
effort to recall what it was like to be so fat for so long. I think it's
part repression and part growing emotionally into living as a thin person.
I've come to terms with my struggle over cosmetic surgery and have decided
against it for now. I'm too "poor" and too "chicken!" to put myself
through that. If either of those things changes any time soon, I'll let
you know. I'm also more comfortable with my "low" normal weight. Between
the recent surgery and the misery of a winter cold, I lost another five
pounds that I'd like to gain back, but basically, I like where I am--a
very comfortable size 8. It's been great having people here to support
and encourage me and I treasure each of you. Best to all for this bright
new year and your new life post-gastric-bypass!
29 MARCH 2008
It's always a woman's prerogative to change her mind, right? Well, I have
done. I'm scheduled for some "corrective" surgery next week and thought I
ought to come back here to let folks know. I suppose getting a couple of
years older and seeing that much more effect of gravity has helped me find
the $$ and the courage to do this. I'm expecting to come out of it
looking normal for my age -- wrinkles and spots intact -- but without the
excess face.
This might also be a good time to note that it didn't take long for me to
regain that five pounds I mentioned in my last post. AND THEN SOME. From
that low weight of 137, I got to my normal 145 and quickly found an extra
twenty pounds. With a lot of effort and a good local support group, I'm
holding steady.
I'll try to get some recent photos online so you can all make your own
comparison of the "before" when I get the "after" cosmetic surgery
pictures.
Warmest regards to all -- Barbara
About Me
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
