cconly

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

First it started with a 5 hour study session with my crush and our other friend, Mark. Then Mark and my crush are talking and Mark said that if my crush wanted to come to dinner at his house, he could. So then my crush says, Casey you have to come to dinner. Like he wanted me to go with him.  So we all leave and go to Mark's house, where neither of us ahve been before. We met his parents who were sooo nice and his dad asks me and my crush if we are together and we both say no at the same time haha. We were probably at Mark's for 3 hours until he drove us back to my car. I was supposed to meet up with my friend, who happened to be at this party that my crush was going to but she wasn't answering her phone. So I tell my crush this and he just said I should go to the party anyway and follow him there. So when I'm driving my crush back to his car, my friend finally calls me and said that she just left the party, and I was like fuckkkkkk. So I tell my crush this and he like gives me the finger (thats just how we are btw, immature things like saying fuck you and giving the finger is just a normal thing haha) and I'm like do you want me to go? and he said something along the lines of if you want to. So of course I went. And on the way there he got a flat tire so we had to stop in a parking lot for him to change it (which was just sexy. i love himmmm hahahaha) then we finally get to the party. And it is mostly like his friends, so he was mingling and stuff but he still talked to me and i had a few sips of his beer, and i don't even LIKE beer!! Then this stupid whore (who is going with him and his band to a show they are playing like and hour and a half away. idk she is like a slut and all over every guy and my boy is innocent  but still) she grabs his hand and like pulls him into the backyard when we all had to go back there. ughhh, it made me so pissed, I almost left.  But then I saw that she was like tht with every guy there, and she is SOOO not his type at all :).

Anyways, so he played the guitar and hung out with his guy friends too which made me feel better about that situation.  Then I decided I wanted to go and he hugged me and then I asked him to walk me to my car, and of course my exboyfriend (who is also his cousin and who is disgusting) drives by is is like "hi cody"

FML.

great end to the night hahahahah.

but yeah so i just don't understand how he can only see me as a friend when he does all this shit. like this is how i get these feelings for him, by totally overanalyzing everything.

anyway

I WEIGHED 216.4 TODAY!!! ahhhhhh!!!

and yesterday I took pics in my prom dress because my prom was a year ago yesterday.





i think i look pretty damn good about 25 lbs down!

ayyy i'll update on my life again soon!

lovelovelove
Casey

I have so much school work

i should be either sleeping or studying right now, but instead i'm updating this thing.

I'm not losing as fast or as much as I thought I would. I'm calling my doctor tomorrow to set up an appointment to get a fill. I have 5ccs in here! When does it stop?

Today was my granny's 80th birthday and i had 1/2 a stuffed chicken which was kinda little and a wheat roll, lots of green beans, and some potatoes. I didn't have cake but I did have a cookie and 2 lemon squares. ughhh. I didn't have surgery to eat lemon squares!! I had surgery so I could lose 100 pounds!!!!

I have no time to work out either. I have exams everyday next week and this week I have an exam and a paper due.

:(

I need summer to come so I can work out every DAYYYY!!!

lovelovelove
Casey

soo my crush found out that I like him

like a month ago. but he already knew that i liked him, just by the way I act hah.

and he is like my really good friend so i'm glad he didn't get weird or whatever. but yeah, he only likes me as a friend.

and i found this all out, 5 mins before i had to go sit next to him in a hour and a half class when I just wanted to bry my eyes out. 

I got through it though and then cried as soon as I got to my car and drove home. but i went to the gym and felt a little bit better.

Knowing that he only thinks of me as his friend doesn't change the fact that I like him and I still do like him, a lot. It just hurts to hear what I already thought in my head. I have a plan to go to the gym like everyday in the summer though so I can get fit! Then, I'll feel better about myself and can get whoever I want!!

I hate being fat still, I hate boys never liking me back or being just my friend, and I hate how I feel about myself.

I can't wait to change for the better. I love my band, its my new boyfriend :)

and I'm seeing the gym on the side :) hahahaha

i feel better though and so, I'll be okay.

lovelovelove
Casey

sooo i just found all of the comments I've ever recieved. I had no idea anyone had ever left me comments, since you have to a pprove them and I never knew that!!!!!

I had like 20 comments there waiting for me!

So, sorry I never got back to anyone, I thought no one ever read this thing!!!
I love you all and the comments were all super nice!!

ohh and happy 2 months to me! :)

lovelovelove
Casey

i have 5 ccs in my band as of today!

liquid diet!

and i only lost like 4.8lbs according to the doctor :(
i want more!!

alright thats it!

lovelovelove
Casey

okay here's a big update and if anyone reads this it would be greatly appreciated!

Eating real food has been wonderful, but I think I am def eating too much, about 1600 cals a day. And I'm exercising at least 5 days a week for 30 mins walking on incline on the treadmill. So, I'm working my butt off!! I go to my surgeon's office on Friday so I'm hoping for another fill!! My weight loss has definitely slowed down since I got off my liquid diet, and I'm kind of at a stand still right now. I'll be 223 one day, 226 the next. and I've started taking benefiber, hopefully that will "help" haha!

School has been going really well too. I'm applying to study abroad in Hawaii and if I get accepted I'll be there for a MONTH!! and it will be during my bandiversary so YAYYY!! And there is a slight possibility that my crush will be going too, but he can't really pay for it. I don't know, but if he goes or not, I'll still be excited to go because I would be studying in freaking HAWAII!!!!!!!

Speaking of the crush, ughhhhh. He is talking seriously with this new girl who is like uneducated and has tatoos and piercings and just, so not his type compared to his girlfriends in the past. and the things he tells this girl about, I know he tells me the same exact shit. ( and just to get everyone straight, my crush for him is just a CRUSH, we were never talking and he has never showed any interest in me other than in a friendly platonic way and anything I say that may seem like oh, he may like me, it is just the way that I am seeing it.  I definitely overanalyze everything WAYY too much!! Its basically like I'm having a relationship with myself. and he doesn't even know that I like him. I mean, he may, but I have never said it to him out loud. Its so complicated but so not at the same time, since he has no idea and in my mind everything is going on and I'm basically just a nut case) And I think that I'm just hurting myself right now because I know that he doesn't see me in any way other than a friend. I would like that to change with my weight loss, for him to see that I am not just his fat friend, but a hot girl!! But, here is my resolution, I just want to let everything happen. I want to let fate happen. If he wants to be with me when I'm skinny, then it will happen. If he likes this girl that much (ew!) then he will be with her. If we are meant to be, then I'll let the peices fall where they may and if not, then I;ll find someone else who is wonderful and gorgeous and will treat me the way I want to be treated.

Basically, this is just a really fucking painful process!! I don't need it!!

But, goot thing about it is, whenever I get jealous or angry that I'm not with him, I GO TO THE GYM!!!


ahh there is my rant.

also, before I go workout, here is this WILD story that happened to me on sunday!!

So, my friend and I went to Denny's for lunch (which was super gross and all i had was mashed potatoes) (and BTW this is ina nice town, like 5 mins from my college and its like 3 int he afternoon with the sun out and everything) and we had just gotten our check when all of a sudden this guy comes in screaming "I JUST GOT SHOT IN THE LEG CALL 911 CALL 911!!!!"  he was flipping out and pulling his pants down in the middle of Denny's! All that was going through my mind was that it was a hoax and he was going to rob dennys or kill us or something, I was shaking! But, it turns out that he really WAS shot in the leg!! He said he got shot in the parking lot by his girlfriend's friends and they sped off. So the waitress we had was talking to him and the manager locked the doors and called 911. My friend and I didn't move though because if someone was getting shot again, I was not about to be near them!! So, after what felt like forever, the cops came and they took the guy out in a stretcher and after about 30mins, we got to leave. The waitress told us that the guy had apparently got in a physical fight with his girlfriend and they broke up but then she called him and said to come to Denny's so they can talk and eat and get back together. Well, he gets there and there is his girl with some other guys who shoot him then drive away!

Crazyyy!!!! But everyone (except the guy) is okay and it was WILDDDDD!!!


hahah so there is my spring break. i have mucho work to do and now i'm going to work out!!

lovelovelove

Casey

Tonight I can eat REAL FOOD!

after a month of nothing but milk, mashed potatoes, and tuna the day has come when I can EAT again!!

I'm doing super with my fill as well. I stay full longer it feels like. I'm still telling myself, okay I don't need to eat because I'm not hungry.

I think my first taste of "real" food is going to be cheese! Cheese and triscuts sounds delicious!!! I just have to chew chew chew. And I'm babysitting tonight and the mom of the kids knows that I had surgery so she is making me spaghetti without any meat in it.  My mom said it will like expand in my stomach so i should just try to eat a little bit. 

So I will update when I have eaten some food!

also...

15lbs lost in one month!!! yayyyyyy!

only 28lbs until onederland!!!!

lovelovelove
Casey

i went to the doctor today and got a fill, i think he must have put like 5ccs in there!!

the nurse told me that she put 5ccs in the syringe but normally people get somewhere from 2ccs to 3ccs so he would figure it out. But it sounded like the whole damn thing went in. I have to be on liquids until thursday then friday and saturday i can have pureed and then sunday i can start on REGULAR FOOD!! oh it sounds so wonderful!!

and I weighed 231 there, 11.4 lbs down from my "official" weight!

I'll update later!
Going to the gym =]

lovelovelove

Casey

I hope whoever is reading this is as cold as I am because it is a freaking blizzard here in little tiny Delaware!

I think we are supposed to get like a foot of snow or something ridiculous!!

This better not be affecting my doctor appt. tomorrow because I think I'm getting my first fill!!

I went to Atlantic City this weekend for my friend's birthday and ugh I've never felt so left out! We went out to eat like for every meal and all I could get was like mashed potatoes and tuna fish while everyone else ate their lobster, chicken fingers, steaks, and key lime pies. Its not their fault, and I'm still PMSing (yeah no period for the month of feb. guess I'm going back on birth contorl) but I could have cried my eyes out becasue I was so tired of this diet. 

But I did get a decent workout on Saturday when we were all over the place walking plus I had done 30 mins on the treadmill. I didn't workout yesterday though and my gym doesn't open until 12 so now I'm waiting to go out in this snow storm so I can go walk on the treadmill. I know, I'm crazy.  I hate the snow!

ugh, wish me luck, hopefully I won't die driving in this insanity.

lovelovelove

Casey

I did 45 mins on the treadmill and didn't even wanna stop!  I haven't felt like that in a LONG time!! I was doing 30 mins and did it (from sunday the 15th to sunday the 22nd) 6 days a week!! I didn't go on monday but i went to the gym yesterday and today. I love being a gym rat!!!

So life's been pretty good!
I love school and I'm doing pretty well, I'm applying to study abroad in Hawaii next winter -- which would be my one year banidversary IN HAWAII!!, and i just bought 3 shirts today, all in size large!!!

I go to the doctor on tuesday and I think i'm getting my first fill!!!
I've been eating mostly mashed potatoes, cinnamon applesauce, sf ice cream, milk, and water for the past week and it 10000000 times better than my liquid diet!!

No big news to update on, i'm still in love but I just feel like its never going to go anywhere. I don't know what to think and I am still keeping in mind that fate will get me to where I need to be so, if its with him thats great and if its without him then okay, i'll be happy. I'm putting all my eggs in the basket of my getting skinny and him finally noticing that I am a GIRL! and I'm hot!! haha. I'm just one of the boys and I wanna be one of the girls --Katy Perry song, btw!!

i'm going to atlantic city this weekend for my friends birthday!!!! i'm super excited to...drink milk and eat mashed potatoes =[
whatever, i'll shop for cute clothes when i'm there!!

i'll update after my first fill!

lovelovelove

Casey