Chana

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Stepped on the scale this morning...233.2 down from 246.0 last Monday.  13 lbs. in one week?  How is that even possible?!!  I can definitely tell though, perhaps not in appearance, but just in how my clothes feel on me.

Since coming home from the hospital, I've found it to be not so hard.  I'm not getting in the full 64 oz. yet, but every day I'm able to get in more.  Likewise with the protein shake.  My doctor wants one shake daily until Wednesday and then two a day.  Yesterday was the first day I could get down an entire shake (and it took forever) but it is definitely getting easier and easier.  I also found some cream-style soups at Whole Foods in various flavors (potato leek, tomato, butternut squash, mushroom, etc) which I'm diluting in half with skim milk and having a little at lunch or dinner (like, maybe 3 oz.) because I am heartily sick of sweet taste.  Also found that tea and popcicles seem to go down the easiest of all. 

Energy is not too bad.  Yesterday I went to the grocery and butcher with my husband, straightened up the house (minus heavy lifting and laundry),and cooked dinner for my family. I'm thinking that today perhaps I'll get my friend across the street to go for a walk.

Lastly, my dear dear aunt who raised my father (he was orphaned as a young child) called me yesterday to check on me and told me she's sending me $1,000 to buy clothes!  So typical of her usual generosity!  No need for anythinig now, but it will definitely come in handy another 30 lbs down the road! 

Woo hoo!!

With Dr. Ben-Meir, that is.  Yes, I'm finally scheduled for VSG on September 13.  I submitted a FMLA request today for 6 weeks per the nurse.  Wow, 6 weeks.  My manager is out of town, so I just sent him an email letting him know it may be as long as 6 weeks, although I really hope I'm up to going back in a couple of weeks. 

Since I saw the news about Leiby Kletzky, A''H, I have hugged my children like never before, wept, and hugged them some more.

There are no words...

Today I felt so full of hope.  I know the surgery is coming soon, and I really just can't wait to get into a new, much smaller body!  This afternoon I looked in the mirror, and somehow all of the grey at my temples just didn't fit my mood.  I'm only 43, thank you very much, so why should I let myself look older than my actual age?  Of course, I keep my hair covered in public for religious reasons, but still, in the privacy of my own home with my family (especially my husband) my hair isn't always covered.  I also usually just have it all scraped back into a ponytail - no nice cut or style to it.  So today I said "Enough!" and went to the salon...where I got the most expensive haircut of my  life...plus color to cover the grey (it actually took my hair from the mousy shade it's been for the last 20 years back to the dark auburn of my single days), and it looks great!  I came home, took off my tichel and my husband's first words were to tell me that I look 10 years younger!  Gotta love that guy.

I think that after so many years of being obese there came a point where in some ways I had just stopped caring for myself as I should have.  Perhaps one of the lessons of this whole experience is going to be to learn to have a little kindness to myself.  It's easy with several children, kah, to give and give to the unceasing demands on us until there's nothing left inside, which ultimately is no good for anybody.  Balance.  Balance.