Chandra_R

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My surgeon's office sponsors local support groups in Knoxville and the surrounding areas.  His patients are required to go to at least one before they are approved for WLS.  I'm going to at least 2 per month.  They are awesome!  The moderators aren't necessarily thin and beautiful WLS successes - in fact most of them are quite open about their struggles, emphasizing that WLS is "just a tool," and that we have to assume reponsibility for the rest - exercise, healthier eating habits, better food choices, making sure you get your water, protein, and vitamins in, etc.  On the other hand, there are generally one or two of those thin and beautiful WLS successes in the crowd, and they are really inspiring!  And they are say the same things that everyone else is... "It's just another tool, and you have to do your part."

I was nervous at first.  I mean, I didn't know anyone there,and I didn't know anyone's "story," so I didn't know how I would fit in.  I quickly found out that in these groups, I am not being judged the way I am in the outside world, on the basis of my weight.  In fact, one of my first reactions was to think, "Am I really fat enough to need to be here (or having WLS, for that matter)?"  Part of that is that I really don't have a clue, until I look at pictures, of how big I really am.  In the mirror, it just doesn't seem to be as bad.  Crazy, these distorted eating disordered body images!  A person with anorexia will look in a mirror and see a fat person - obese people like me look in the mirror, and while the person there may not necessarily be thin, she's "not that fat" either!  Unless I'm holding up a picture of myself and comparing it to other obese people, I have a hard time seeing myself  the same way I see them.  The other part of that is that, with "only" 130 or so pounds to lose and a BMI just under 40, I am apparently what's considered a "lightweight."  However, no one there is judging me for that, either.  They listen, and they can relate to my pain - both physical and psychological.  And I think that those with the BMI's higher than mine wish that they had considered WLS when their BMI was near mine.  I hear it over and over again - "I just wish I had done it sooner..."

My family's support for my decision to have WLS was tepid, at best.  I was really feeling the weight of that over the past weekend.  Here I am, spending an awful lot of time, effort and energy getting ready for the big day, and feeling like I don't really have anyone in my family to share it with!  I must have had that pain written all over me when I went into my support group meeting this week, because several people made it a point to introduce themselves, ask me how I'm doing, and answer my questions.  When I told them that I have a surgery date, they actually applauded!  It was a big difference from the "So, you're really going to do this?" reaction I got from my family!  I left the meeting feeling lighter than I had in days.  It also gave me the courage to open the subject up to my family.  It was hard at first, but I'm happy to say that they seem to be coming around, and they're even  trying protein shakes and Fage yogurt concoctions with me!

I have not discussed my upcoming WLS with most of my coworkers - that is by design and supported by the support groups.  My boss knows, because I felt like it would be irresponsible NOT to tell her what's going on and what a major surgery I am having.  But not everyone understands, and I don't have the energy to argue the point with anyone besides those who are closest to me right now.   After the fact, I doubt I'll be a Star Jones and tell people that the weight loss is just all about "portion control," but going in, I'm feeling the need to focus on my OWN thoughts and feelings and those of my family and closest friends, and that's enough.

I'm sold on the support groups, and I envision myself going back to them indefinitely.  If any of you guys in my support groups are reading this, THANK YOU!!!

I will have my lap RNY on 11/30/09.  After consulting with my PCP Doc about my neck/shoulder pain, I ended up compromising between what I wanted (surgery ASAP, which would have been mid-November) and work demands (which would have had me push the date back to late December).

Now I can settle into my pre-surgery diet.  That'll keep me occupied for the next two months.  No more "last supper" stuff for me - THAT limited my weight loss this last month to 1 pound.  I'm practicing sipping & keeping water with me all of the time, small bites, putting down utensils between bites, chewing & chewing & chewing, and trying out protein supplements.  I know, I know, my tastes will change, but I'm just so curious!  Having done the ZONE diet a few years ago, I was already familiar with protein supplements.  Let me tell you, they've gotten a lot better! 

My family is slowly warming to the idea.  I'm putting together some information for them, so they can see the overwhelmingly positive evidence FOR gastric bypass.  So much of what we get from the media is negative!  My oldest daughter was concerned that the surgery amounted to bulemia, based on a TV documentary she saw! 

 Awesome!  My insurance company - UHC - came through for me (with a lot of help from Jennifer at Dr. Boyce's office)!  Next week I'll be setting the date - after I see my PCP Doc about my neck & shoulder pain.  Earliest possible is sometime in November.  Best possible to accomodate my work is late December.  Hmmmm... either way, one of the big holidays, Thanksgiving or Christmas, is toast, at least from the food perspective.  Funny that I would focus on that...

OK - I'm done jumping through the insurance company's hoops, and the insurance coordinator at my surgeon's office is submitting my info to them.  She says that my insurance company is one of the best about getting back with her in a timely manner - in many cases, on the same day.  It's just my nature to worry myself to death about it.

In the meantime, I've developed a nagging pain in my neck and upper shoulders, which is a real concern since I had two cervical disks replaced and the three vertebrae involved fused in May.  The neurosurgeon said that the disk above the 2 that he replaced is "iffy," meaning that it is misshapen but not yet impinging on any nerve structures or the spinal cord.  I can't help but to think that getting the weight off will not only relieve the pain that I'm having, but it will also take a load off that disk.  If they have to fuse a fourth vertebra, I'm really going to lose a wide range of motion in my neck - permanently.  WLS won't cure that.

Since the insurance precertification lasts a year (if I get approved, fingers crossed & prayers sent), I had hoped to have the luxury of scheduling the surgery around the needs of my work, which seems to slow down in December and early January.  But with my neck hurting, I probably should schedule it for as soon as possible.  Last I heard, the surgeon was scheduling surgeries just a few weeks after insurance approval.  The prospect of having the surgery earlier than I originally expected, however much I have been looking forward to getting it done, has added to my anxiety. 

So, I'm waiting on pins and needles, needles and pins...

This week my therapist gave me the psychological clearance for the surgery.  I have one more weigh-in with my Doc before the surgeon's office will submit my documentation to the insurance company.  I've scratched up the copayment.  And I keep researching, researching, researching.

So far, my parents, my 22 year-old daughter, one coworker, my boss, and one friend know that I'm getting ready to have WLS.  Of these, 2 have been supportive, my father and my friend.  Coincidentally, they are the ones who know what it means to struggle with obesity.  The lack of support from my mother and daughter is particularly painful.  My daughter immediately concluded that WLS is "the easy way out" - she has no idea!  My mother is telling me the same things she's been saying all along - change my diet, my eating habits, & my exercise habits, and I'll be fine.  Evidently, she has forgotten about all my efforts to do just that ever since I was a kid.   I don't think they really understand, and that is, well, understandable, since they've never been obese and have not done the research that I have into the surgery, its benefits, the massive changes it will put me through, and the powerful tool it gives me to help maintain the weight loss.  I'm printing journal articles and writing down internet addresses, like the one here at OH, to give them, because I really do want them to understand and support me.

I put up some "before" pictures and a real avatar.  I really don't like these pictures, but they are what they are.  Someday I'll have pictures of myself that I love.