3rd Month Anniversary

Aug 18, 2009

Today is my 3rd month surgery anniversary.  One month before surgery I weighed 317 and this morning I'm 246.  YEAH....  This morning I went for my blood work for my follow up appt. at my surgeon's office Monday.  I've been thinking about the changes I'm going through, thoughts about myself before surgery and now.  I  wanted to write some of them down as a reminder to myself of how I felt before surgery and now.  

Before, I was ashamed of myself.  Ashamed of how I'd let myself go.  Ashamed of how I looked, how I felt other people saw me.  Ashamed I wasn't a better example to my daughter.  My back hurt, my knees hurt, I couldn't keep up with my family if we were out walking around.  I always had to sit and rest and I felt bad, felt guilty I couldn't keep up.  Shopping for clothes was depressing and I usually beat up on myself which made matters worse.  I guess bottom line I was miserable with myself. 

Now three months later I'm seeing myself different.  It's kinda hard to explain, but sometimes I look in the mirror and see how I'm changing but at times I still see the old me, look again and ask is this really real?  My old clothes no longer fit, what a wonderful feeling!  Even though there's more weight to lose, I'm liking my transformation.  I feel better, I feel happier, my back doesn't hurt, my knees doesn't hurt.  I'm walking faster and not stopping to sit and rest.  I'm keeping up with my family and sometimes get ahead of them.  My mental outlook is so much better.  I've actually been shopping for some things in the misses department.  Misses I tell you, now that does seem strange.

I look at some of my before pictures and that feeling of being ashamed comes back, but I also see it as a reminder I have so much to live for and a reminder that I never want to be that person again.  Overall, I'm grateful for so much and to have this second chance.  This journey so far as been incredible and I'm looking forward to the rest of the journey.





 

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