coachgrrl
Well here I go...
Jan 15, 2010
I started my WLS surgery about 8 yrs ago. After my brother's wedding I saw the pictures of my thin, beautiful family and felt like the biggest, ugliest thing on the planet. When I talked to my husband about WLS, he was shocked and scared I would something so drastic. At the time our kids were 3, 4 and 7..he was fearful that something would happen and he'd be left alone to raise the kids. He loved me fat or thin, but he wanted his wife alive. So ok, I shelved the thought. Over the next 7+ yrs I would visit the OH website and fantasize about having surgery all while trying numerous attempts to lose weight always losing 20-40 lbs and gaining it back. At least I wasn't going over my 280lbs...all my fat clothes still fit. It's not so bad. That's what I kept telling myself. Throughout those years I had a lot of stress, my dad became incapacitated with Alziheimer's, my ds was dx with Juvenile diabetes at age 5. Being the nurse and good mother/daughter I was..I handled all of this beautifully..and self medicated with food every chance. I. got. Last year I took a new job, working in a small nursery/nicu with several old friends. My new hospital has a highly successful bariartic program which I found out was a fully covered benefit for employees. Hmmmm, in my heart I so wanted to do this. I had a LONG talk with my dh and this time he knew it was what I really wanted. Besides due to my weight my joints were so sore at the end of a 12 hr shift I could barely walk, and I was so tired..tired of being fat, sore and well..everything. My husband got onboard and I went to my first WLS seminar. I liked what I heard and went for my first appointment in Oct and was quickly approved for surgery. As part of the process I had to see a psychologist, I really clicked with the one I met and decided to continue to see her several times a month as I know the root of my compulsive eating is most certainly emotional based. It's already brought many things to surface. Things I chose not to deal with or denied. But now know I need to face them to get past it and be the person I want to be (/end Staurt Smalley moment :) ).So I'm on day 2 of my pre-op Optifast diet. I did 4-5 months of Optifast in the late 80's (Oprah anyone?) lost 80 lbs kept it off for 3yrs until I got pg too. I'm trying to look it as 2 wks is not that long. However my head is telling me otherwise. At least I can have sald and soup as long as there's no added fat. And 2 south beach protein bars..which I can tell already are going to be the highlight of my day.
My surgery date is 2 weeks from today...I'm excited, anxious and a little scared at the same time. My oldest dd has a winter formal the same night. I was almost going to switch my date till she told me her and her friends were getting ready at someone's house together and leaving from there. So not wanting to "cramp her style" I guess I'll just do my thing and look at the pictures later. Teenagers!
