cwgrltech13
Hello all! My name is Joanie and I am a 31 year old married mother of 2 beautiful girls, Gabrielle 7 and Abigail almost 16 months. I also have a 14 year old step son, Matthew. I have a wonderful husband that has always told me that he would love me no matter what, that he didn't marry me for my looks he married me because he loved me (awwww =D) But with weight comes the feelings of being self consciousness, and my weight might not matter to him but it is ruling my life.
All of my life I have dealt with my weight. It has been very difficult. People can be cruel as a lot of you know, especially so in school settings. Even now as an adult college student, people treat you diffrently if you are overweight. I am hoping to undergo bypass surgery in the future. I have just started that journey. My sister successfully went through it 5years ago and it has completely changed her life! She has lost well over 150lbs and has maintained it. It took a long time to get to this.... it wasn't a decision that I took lightly either. I have thought about it even before my sister had the procedure done. I have tried every diet out there I think... lol. I have been on WW, Atkins, South Beach, phentermine, OTC pills and supplements, I've starved myself, been on liquid diets, cabbage soup diet... you name it I think I have tried it! And there was a few that I did ok on but as soon as I tried to come off of them... I gained everything that I lost and more.
The biggest moment of embarassment that I had as an overweight adult was at an amusement park. My husband and I was on a weekend vacation and had been riding rides all day and decided to ride the new roller coaster at the park. We waited in the huge line and finally when it was our turn I sat down and.... I was mortified when the safety bar wouldn't latch!!!! The workers were telling me to push down hard and then to my utter disbelief one woman said "try lifting up your stomach" OMG!!! I got off the ride, and we had gotten on one of the front cars, and I had to walk pass the majority of people to leave the ride. My husband wanted to get off the ride and I told him no, to stay and ride it. I mainly told him this because I didn't want him to see me so upset. I managed to hold my tears until I got to the steps where the other people couldn't see me and cried. I made a bee line to the bathroom and just sobbed in one of the stalls. I was so humiliated! and not just for me, I didn't want me husband to be seen with "the fat girl who couldn't ride the coaster". Needless to say I avoid amusements parks now or at least the rides and the rest of my day that day was ruined.
The thing is I don't want to avoid the rides in the parks. I want to be able to ride those with the kids, I want to be proud for my husband to be seen with me and no worry about if other people are thinking"why is he with her" , I want to feel pretty and the biggest reason.... I am tired of being a spectator in my own life. I feel like I am on the side lines ... I'm tired of that. I want to be an active participant!
