Dawn C.

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I'm five pounds away from what I weighed when I brought my daughter home from the hospital almost 7 years ago.  This will be my first milestone.  I have been doing okay eating soft foods.  I've had some chicken, ground beef, cheese, and the other soft stuff like puddings and jello and yogurt. 

I'm starting to crave FOOD. The protein drinks are okay but my body appears to be ready to eat some food again. Probably because I'm a lot more active these days.  

I still tire by afternoon, so going back to work on Monday will be an experience since I work afternoons.  :)  

I got a nice cute little bob and colored my hair and got highlights.  Its something that I wanted to do, and finally did.  The grays are colored, but I know which ones they are because they behave differently than the other hairs! I'm hoping this is the first of a long line of things that I have wanted to do for a long time!   

Garlic gave me really awful gas. But i guess it was to be expected after having mostly very bland foods for so long!

Like I said before, I went to the support group last night for the first time.  It was very informative, friendly and helpful.  Everyone was very encouraging.  As in any group, there is always someone who stands out, sometimes quite on purpose. 

This woman offered up to the group that she NEVER stopped drinking carbonated beverages.  That she just "couldn't give them up."  She said she did switch to diet sodas, and then to caffeine free diet, and now she's drinking more sparkling water.  She said "I'm weaning myself off."  FOR FIVE YEARS????   She is FIVE years out and still well over two hundred pounds, in fact, she looks closer to three hundred.  She said that she could go to Outback, eat a 14 oz ribeye, a baked potato with all the trimmings, and a salad.  This does not sound like the typical roux-en-y (gastric bypass) patient, does it?  No it does not. It sounds like she has stretched out her pouch.  How? you ask? By drinking loads of carbonated beverages and over time, pushing the limits of the pouch instead of using it as a tool.  The nutritionist explained that its not so much the stretching of the pouch, though it does happen, but the widening of the opening to the intestine.  (She also said that if the stomach wasn't cut away, but just stapled or sewn, that can come undone.)  She said it can widen and form a pseudo stomach that can hold tons of food.   The woman has come to a new support group (not the one from her own surgeon) because she  is trying to get "back on track'.  At this point, she's back in the place she was before surgery, in that it is totally and completely up to her whether or not she loses weight. She's lost the restriction of the procedure.  

Everyone sat there incredulous.  How could you so openly admit that you beat your surgery, knowingly doing things you are told NEVER to do? How did she get past the psych eval?  

My thought is this.  Sure. A reese's easter egg is one ounce, and sure I could eat it. Its soft enough. But why would I?  WHY would I go under the knife, take the risk of surgery and then NOT work my tool?   Thank goodness, too much concentrated sweet makes me feel ill.  But I could graze this thing all day if I wanted to, and enjoy getting it down.  But to what end?  I'd get only 4 grams of protein, and enough carbs for the entire day from one source. 
I'd only be slowing my loss, and frankly, I ENJOY getting on the scale and seeing it keep creeping backwards!  I just don't get it. I just don't get why someone would go through all of the time, expense and lets face it, unpleasantness involved in having this surgery only to remain obese.  

I came to the conclusion that surgery or no surgery, the decision to be healthy has to be there, solidly in place.  If it isn't, success will NOT follow.  You have surgery on your stomach, not your head.  The head is the part that drives it all.  I have learned that lonliness makes me want to eat.  Because I am focused upon my requirements for health and weight loss, I don't give into those urges, and instead I explore the mental part and try to find something healthy to replace that longing.  

All that being said, I kinda feel sorry for the woman. She wasn't ready for surgery and is now in a very very precarious position.  I was prepared to "give up" everything, including my beloved coffee.  Luckily I don't have to give up coffee, but I don't have nearly what I used to, and I'm okay with that.  If it lets me see my kids have kids, I'm okay with it.  I loved Coke Zero.  Oh well. I don't miss it.  I don't miss the diet coke any more than i miss the 21 lbs that are gone.

Last night I went to my first support group meeting.  The nutritionist talked about vitamins and we discussed many, many topics.  I learned a lot about what to expect, and that it will be about nine months before I can consume three ounces of meat or other dense protein.  I was worried that I am not moving away from supplements very fast and learned that this is the way it will be for a while and that its okay. 

My stomach currently has a three ounce capacity, but because of swelling, the new stitch line and all sorts of other things, the capacity is about one ounce.  I feel much better knowing this for sure, because now I know what to expect.  I can eat three ounces of pudding, but that's because it slides through ....

I am looking forward to not having to crush my meds.  That'll be my glory day!  I have been getting more fiber (more disgusting chewables!)  so I'm no longer a baby in need of soap up the bum! At least not wholly.  It is in no way back to where I was before surgery where I was eating lots of veggies!

I had two slices of deli turkey and a cheese stick for dinner yesterday with no problems. Or at least I think there are no problems.   I feel a little catch-y when I drink today.  I've not eaten anything solid yet, today.  I have been really tired, and just took the morning to sleep. I got the kids off to school, did a few things around the house, then took a 3 hour nap.  I think being overly active over the past few days has caught up with me.  The body wants what the body wants. Seeing that this is my last opportunity to just go ahead and rest before I go back to work next Monday, I figured I'd better do it. Tomorrow I'm going on a field trip with my daughter to the US Botanical Gardens.  Friday, I'm going into work to try to un-ruin my room from the intersession teachers' use and get ready for fourth quarter. Nine more weeks!

Today I'm going to try some hamburger stroganoff blended to a coarse mush. LOL

I did it.  I had some solid food.  I tried some Chik FilA  nuggets.  Hell I was hungry! I picked the breading off and chewed the hell out of very tiny pieces.   So far, so good!!! I am having some weird  discomforts here and there, but nothing I've not felt before.   I did a LOT of work today. Probably too much.  I shampooed some carpets, went to Target and took my daughter to get her eyes examined.  Walked the mall a little, too.  I am feeling beat now. I mean BEAT!! 

But I had some nuggets. Whoo hoO!

Grits.  

I tried grits.  They were fine until........ they weren't.  I think I simply ate too fast. I got full very fast and then had that pain and the feeling that they were backing up into my throat, kinda reflux-ish.  Nice.  I'm doing a lot of burping which does give relief, but I'm also having some gurgling in my throat. Its gross!!!  I hate the feeling of full to begin with, and now I'm feeling just a tad miserable. My stomach is making lots of noise which is a good thing, because that means its digesting and settling, but goodness.  This was maybe 1/2 c  of grits. With Splenda!  I know its unSouthern to have anything but butter and sugar, but one has to do what one has to do!  So the grits experiment didn't go so well.  Tummy doesn't like 'em much.   

I went and bought some 3 oz protein drink "bullets" to try. Hopefully a quick shot of lesser liquid will help me get all 60 grams of protein in. 

Did I mention the baby poo? Well, sorry if its TMI, but I'll be glad to be on mostly real food again instead of mostly liquid proteins because my poo is difficult and mostly GREEN!  EW!!! I was thinking, what am I ? Six months old? But in fact, I am eating baby food! LOL My proteins are my formulas, and then I have smash, mash and grind for food!! 

Only someone who has been on a liquid diet can understand the true joy of moving up to mush. 

I think it requires song. 

I moved up to mush...... (movin' on up)
Ate some pinto beans  (movin' on up)
Ate some dee-licious cauliflower, mashed to he-e-elll.
I ate some mush! (with a lil cheese)
Ate some mush! (and didn't throw it up)
 I finally got ate mush and drank the same day-ay-ay....a-e-yeay!

Okay so now that's over with and out of my system.  I ate mush again today.  Same stuff, smaller quantity. I'm getting to know what full feels like before it hurts. 

My favorite jeans are falling off of me. I have two brand new pairs that I bought because I loved them so, but the problem is at the time I didn't have a surgery date and didn't really expect to lose weight this fast.  So I think I'll sell them on Ebay and see if I can get a smaller size somewhere. I loved the color though. They're blueblack. I'm sure I'll find dark jeans somewhere, they're the "in" jeans for Spring.  

I guess I better get on friendly terms with the local Thrift Stores, though I've got a bit of a mental block for clothing that has been near someone else's cha-cha. Maybe I'll just get skirts and shirts from the thrift store.  hahahahahahahaha

Oh! The good advice.   My good friend and partner in all sorts of crime Cindy gave me a great suggestion for my incisions.  It worked like a charm and even kept some of the draining fluid off my clothes. 

Still on full liquids, some puree.  

Today was Easter and my MIL invited us over for the traditional spread. I took a strawberry Unjury shake.   I was okay not eating. I thought it would be difficult to have all of that food there and not be able to eat, but it wasn't too bad. Everyone was very  interested in my surgery, and they were all very supportive.  I did have my first semi solid food in two weeks!  I had a tablespoon of Sweet Potato Souffle. It was yummy and with the shake, really filled me up.  I sipped the shake throughout the visit.  

My weight has stalled at 17 lbs gone.  I am just making sure to get my protein in as much as possible. I think the stall is due to wench Aunt Flo.  

This morning was the first morning I woke up without nausea. YEAY!  I did have some mid day, but waking up and not feeling pregnant was superb! 
I'm looking into some things to eat other than milk based meals.  I'm going to puree some peaches tomorrow and see if that goes well. The mashed sweet potato casserole was a good moment. I ate it slowly and it didn't keep me from drinking for five hours!  

The pain I'm having is from clothing rubbing against incisisons and some pain where the port is, and under where the incisions are. I get a stitch like pain now and again.  I also held a baby that I'm sure was more than 10 lbs, but it was worth it. She's my niece and she's WONNNNNNNNNDERFUL.

Today is better. After feeling pretty awful the past two days, I am feeling better again. Spirits higher, weight lower, and decreased nausea thanks to the sub-lingual Zofran .  I am even getting protein down.  BUT, today I took an atkins shake and put protein powder in it, and thinned it out with ice and water. I tried blending it with the ice in the blender but it made it too foamy and I learned today that my stomach does not like foamy.  No wonder soda is a no no.  It would make me feel awful I think.  I just waited for the foam and the liquid to separate and poured and spooned out the foamy stuff and drank the rest.  So far, so good. I don't know if its because of the weight loss or what, but my incisions look like they were cut and sewn during a minor earth quake.  Hmph!

I had my post op appointment today.   Well the doc I was supposed to see was still at the hospital at the time I arrived and he had a patient waiting so that wasn't great.  After waiting more than an hour, the other doc saw me.  He was one I'd seen before.    He can't work the software at his office, but hey, everyone can't be a genius at everything.  (snickering)  

He was very encouraging depite my reporting that the past two days I've felt pretty badly.  He said I looked healthy, my skin looked good, my wounds healing okay.  He took off my tape, and man are my incisions UGLY!   And one is HUGE.  Laparoscopic or open? Which was it dude?!!!  

Doc Willie  said that going back to clear liquids was best.  I asked for a different nausea solution other than the SUPPOSITORIES.  Who in the hell wants to stick something up their ass?  Most people my size with the pain in the places I'm having it can't bend and stretch and contort to get something up their ass.  Am I going to ask my spouse?  HECK NO!!!  Plus! Am I not still having to visit the commode frequently and urgently?   I am!  So Doc Willie gave me sub lingual zofran which is doing the trick.  Thank GOD.  I told him I couldn't swallow NOT ONE MORE CRUSHED PILL.  I can't do it.  It is against human nature to put things in the mouth that are foul tasting.  It is against human nature to do it repeatedly for a month or more!  My spouse asked me "would you be able to have cod liver oil? (we'd been having a discussion on supplements while we waited) and I burst into tears thinking I can't even THINK about putting something else gross down my throat.  

Between the prep for the colonoscopy and the prep for surgery and the crushed meds, I just feel beat up on in this arena.   I just lost it. 
I tried to take meds this morning with mango sorbet.  Okay I now know I am allergic to mango. Good thing I am not so allergic I had anaphalactic shock! 
My lips swelled and my tongue tingled and went numbish.   Nice huh? LOLOL Its funny NOW.   I've only had this reaction with one other food, and its been YEARS.  

So here I am, not wanting to have to start over with the crushing and the swallowing, half finished with the mango surprise so I finish it, hoping that its just the gross meds making my tongue and mouth feel funny. LOL  

Oh wait, back to the post op. If we go from my pre operative appointment and the doc's scale, it is 11 lbs lost. If we go by my pre op and my scale at home , (sans clothes and shoes) its 15 lbs.  Waaa hoo!

I was feeling totally sorry for myself this morning wondering what I did this for, and thinking macaroni and cheese would fix this melancholy....and then I got out the scale.  OH happy day!

Bottom line, I'm weak from the reduced calories and recovering from surgery  and need to get as much protein in me as I can. (difficult, it all tastes pretty got dang bad).  Onward !!!